What do you guys think about this situation?

[ajiuo]

Me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago. She broke up with me because of issues in our relationship and then almost immediately got back together with a guy she had dated in the past. She had some lingering feelings that she needed to get figured out.

 

I was a bit desperate at first, but then after I found out that they had gotten back together I went limited contact. We still remained friends on Facebook and would occasionally comment and like each other's posts... but we didn't talk much. Every few months I would send her an email, just to see how she was doing. I never really brought up our relationship or anything. We would usually exchange a couple of emails and then she would just stop replying.

 

I did finally get over the relationship. I got to the point where I was okay with never getting back together, and even didn't want to at one point. I started casually dating other people and even developing interest.

 

After about 10-12 months of basically no contact, we started being a bit friendlier in our Facebook comments, so I decided to send her an email to see how she was doing. She replied back and was still dating the same guy but she didn't sound as optimistic for some reason... so I replied and then she never replied back as normal.

 

But then a couple weeks later she did reply. She started mentioning that she still thinks about me a lot, and even said that she sometimes missed me. She said something about regretting our relationship falling apart, but that she was trying not to dwell on it. She even suggested hanging out with a mutual friend some time. She also mentioned that she needed to take off alone somewhere and think about her life. I found out through a mutual friend that thing between her and her BF are not great and that there is a high possibility of that ending soon... although I don't know the details.

 

One of the main reasons our relationship ended is because I became emotionally distant. After breaking up I discovered that there were things that I needed to deal with from the past before I could really be in a relationship... I have worked hard to deal with those things since our breakup up and feel a lot better about myself and what I want. In our recent emails she said that when she broke up with me that she realized our relationship wouldn't work because of things from her past that she needed to deal with... she also said that she is getting professional help to deal with thoes things.

 

During the past few weeks I have started to realize how much I miss her and how happy she made me... neither of us have mentioned giving it another shot... I mean she is still in a relationship, so I don't think either of us will until when and if that ends. She did mention wanting to be friends. For now I'm just trying to be friendly and build something their.... but I'm starting to think that if the opportunity is their and she becomes single, that I might like to give it another shot... I think it would be worth it now that I have a different perspective on things and have done a lot to improve.

 

I'm just wondering what you guys think? Does it seem like she might even consider such a thing? I've thought a lot about it and think it would completely be worth the risk to me... but I know that it takes two.

 

Any opinions would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

[vesper]

Give it another go but in the mean time, stay up beat and approachable do not become needy or clingy or make too many advances. Put the ball in her court.

 

 

Me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago. She broke up with me because of issues in our relationship and then almost immediately got back together with a guy she had dated in the past. She had some lingering feelings that she needed to get figured out.

 

I was a bit desperate at first, but then after I found out that they had gotten back together I went limited contact. We still remained friends on Facebook and would occasionally comment and like each other's posts... but we didn't talk much. Every few months I would send her an email, just to see how she was doing. I never really brought up our relationship or anything. We would usually exchange a couple of emails and then she would just stop replying.

 

I did finally get over the relationship. I got to the point where I was okay with never getting back together, and even didn't want to at one point. I started casually dating other people and even developing interest.

 

After about 10-12 months of basically no contact, we started being a bit friendlier in our Facebook comments, so I decided to send her an email to see how she was doing. She replied back and was still dating the same guy but she didn't sound as optimistic for some reason... so I replied and then she never replied back as normal.

 

But then a couple weeks later she did reply. She started mentioning that she still thinks about me a lot, and even said that she sometimes missed me. She said something about regretting our relationship falling apart, but that she was trying not to dwell on it. She even suggested hanging out with a mutual friend some time. She also mentioned that she needed to take off alone somewhere and think about her life. I found out through a mutual friend that thing between her and her BF are not great and that there is a high possibility of that ending soon... although I don't know the details.

 

One of the main reasons our relationship ended is because I became emotionally distant. After breaking up I discovered that there were things that I needed to deal with from the past before I could really be in a relationship... I have worked hard to deal with those things since our breakup up and feel a lot better about myself and what I want. In our recent emails she said that when she broke up with me that she realized our relationship wouldn't work because of things from her past that she needed to deal with... she also said that she is getting professional help to deal with thoes things.

 

During the past few weeks I have started to realize how much I miss her and how happy she made me... neither of us have mentioned giving it another shot... I mean she is still in a relationship, so I don't think either of us will until when and if that ends. She did mention wanting to be friends. For now I'm just trying to be friendly and build something their.... but I'm starting to think that if the opportunity is their and she becomes single, that I might like to give it another shot... I think it would be worth it now that I have a different perspective on things and have done a lot to improve.

 

I'm just wondering what you guys think? Does it seem like she might even consider such a thing? I've thought a lot about it and think it would completely be worth the risk to me... but I know that it takes two.

 

Any opinions would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

[luisannalui]

You need to be very careful. She ended the relationship with you and got back with this person. She's will now possibly end the relationship with this guy and it looks like she's looking for "reconciliation". You got your time alone. You got the opportunity to discover what you needed to improve. She didn't. It looks like she try to hide her flaws by jumping to another relationships. But one day she will have to deal with herself, get to know herself, and love herself first. Same as you did. So if she does end the relationship I don't recommend getting back together right away. Tell her to give herself time for the mentioning above. Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

So to hear this. How long was it after she broke up with him that you started dating? It seems you were an in between guy.

 

Unfortunately 1.5 years later she's still with him no matter what friendly chats you are having now. It seems you are hoping that buzzing in the friendzone as a male-girlfriend will help reconciliation? Don't do this to yourself.

 

Go no contact. If she breaks up with him and she wants you, you'll know.

Me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago. then almost immediately got back together with a guy she had dated in the past.

She replied back and was still dating the same guy

she is still in a relationship

[Matt3939]

It's up to you. I'd say for me once someone moves on with someone else I'm done with them. Sounds like you never went NC for real. It also sounds like she is bouncing from 1 relationship to another. Good luck

[ajiuo]

So to hear this. How long was it after she broke up with him that you started dating? It seems you were an in between guy.

 

Unfortunately 1.5 years later she's still with him no matter what friendly chats you are having now. It seems you are hoping that buzzing in the friendzone as a male-girlfriend will help reconciliation? Don't do this to yourself.

 

Go no contact. If she breaks up with him and she wants you, you'll know.

 

I think she originally dated him a couple of years before we met. She dated another guy before me, but they broke up 2-3 months before we met I think... yeah I get the friend zone thing... but I have very, very good reason to think they are going to break up.... of course I'm not going to act or let myself become to attached until if and when that happens...

[ajiuo]

You need to be very careful. She ended the relationship with you and got back with this person. She's will now possibly end the relationship with this guy and it looks like she's looking for "reconciliation". You got your time alone. You got the opportunity to discover what you needed to improve. She didn't. It looks like she try to hide her flaws by jumping to another relationships. But one day she will have to deal with herself, get to know herself, and love herself first. Same as you did. So if she does end the relationship I don't recommend getting back together right away. Tell her to give herself time for the mentioning above. Good luck.

 

Thanks

 

I have been considering her having time after this relationship... like I said she has acknowledged that she needs to deal with issues and she is actually going to counseling to deal with them.... and I'm totally fine giving her time. I would even be willing to attend counseling with her before getting back together... if she even wanted to get back together.. I'm not going to mention it to her while she is still in the relationship... but if she gets out of it, I guess I think I should be honest that I might be interested in giving it another go... because if I don't make my intentions clear I run the risk of freindzone... but I am okay giving time.

[ajiuo]

I should also reiterate that this is hypothetical at this point. It's a good possibility that she might not even want to give it another shot.

 

Are any of the things that she has said any kind of indication that she might be open to it? I guess that was part of what I was wondering.

[Wiseman2]

Stringing you along in the friendzone sounds exactly like all those things. She likes extra male attention. You are feeding her ego but yet...she's still with this guy.

 

It's similar to the "spouse, bf/gf doesn't understand me" line....This does not mean a breakup is imminent.

Are any of the things that she has said any kind of indication that she might be open to it? I guess that was part of what I was wondering.