Raised in a negative environment

[o9st]

My dad cheated on my mom when I was around 8 (I'm now 22) and she has since been hesitant to leave him mainly because of her own financial situation. Ever since I was born, she was a stay at home mom with no other sources of income other than monthly allowances from my dad. I have two other younger siblings as well. Before she caught my dad cheating, she would use to bring me and my siblings with her to spy on him every week around the time he would be off work. Now that I'm much older, I realize that what she did was inappropriate as me and my siblings could have been traumatized if we witness something we shouldn't be seeing. My mom and dad are still living in the same house and they don't talk to eachother. When my dad needs to inform my mom about something, he would just have me or one of my siblings be the messenger and vice versa. I never find the motivation to do anything anymore because of what I have been waking up to everyday. The house is also very messy with piles and piles of newspapers and plastic bags covering most of the floor. There is also a cupboard full of used styrofoam plates and used disposable forks/spoons. Me and my siblings have attempted to help clean up but we just get scolded at because "we might accidentally throw out something important" or whatever we are throwing out "might be needed later". The mess they have accumulated over the years has also attracted mice into the house. One filthy habit leading to another. We are never allowed to flush the toilet until it has been used 3 times and we are only allowed to shower once a week. I obviously smelled bad and no one wanted to be near me in school.. I was pretty depressed and my grades reflected it. I now have no money, no passion, and no friends. I don't know how to help my mom even if I want to because I haven't even helped myself. I am so lost as what to do next ...

[Wiseman2]

Are you in college? 22 is rather old to still be at home. Call social services. It sounds like it should be condemned for the hoarding/filth.

 

You're too old for CPS. Get a job and get out. Can you live with friends/relatives? You'll need counselling for the child neglect you experienced.

I'm now 22 no one wanted to be near me in school

[gebaird]

I think step one is to get a job and start saving up so you can move out of the house. College could be a good option as well. Eventually, you'll probably want some therapy to help you sort out your childhood, but for now focus on your livelihood.

[lukeb]

You do have one big advantage over many other people and that you will be motivated to get out and live an independent life.

[DancingFool]

Step one - stop trying to fix your parents. They have been the way they are for a whole lot longer than you have been alive. IF they decide to change themselves, they will, but don't hold your breath. You don't get to choose your family, you only get to accept them for who they are and then YOU get to move out, move on and live your own life however YOU choose.

 

Step two - start living your own life. Get a job and move out. Find roommates to keep your bills low. No reason at 22 to be living in filth with your parents. Whatever chances you didn't have as a child, you can give yourself everything today as an adult. Which means be willing to change things, work hard, learn, do what it takes. Start somewhere even if it's entry level menial work for little pay. Where you take it from there is up to you. Treat it as opening a door for yourself.