Moving in together after 8 months

[Clous9]

Hey all,

 

I (22,F) and my boyfriend (21,M) started dating in September. I am graduating from college and starting a job this May and I am looking for housing. He recently started to send me apartments that we could share and asked a few times if I wanted to move in together (He is starting grad school in the same area). I am both very excited and scared about this idea. We have been dating for 6 months and when we move in, we will have dated for 8-9 months. I am very excited because I'd rather live with someone I get along with and care about than with people I barely know. This may also be a good test for whether we can get along in the long term and it could bring us closer. On the other hand, I am scared because I am afraid this may be too quick(like a premature decision). What if we get bored of each other very quickly? What if he starts taking me for granted? I am the kind of person who worries very easily. In the beginning, I responded to him with excitement but now I am starting to worry (although I am still excited)

 

Do you have any experiences/lessons learned about moving in together?

 

Thank you!

 

Edit: He did mention getting engaged and staying engaged for a while etc but I am not entirely sure how serious he is about it.

[reinventmyself]

Hey all,

 

I'd rather live with someone I get along with and care about than with people I barely know.

 

.

But you barely know him.

At least with people you don't have a romantic relationship with, they are likely show you who they are much sooner than later.

There is not much to lose.

 

But in romantic relationships we tend to show our best behavior for the first part of a year, combined with the fantasy version

of the man of your dreams you will project onto him, it's too soon to say you really know him.

 

I personally wouldn't want to risk stressing out a new relationship with moving in too soon. Not if I wanted to keep it.

I'd take my time and allow things to unfold slowly. Moving it too quick could likely blow this out of the water.

 

Take your time and have fun.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders being concerned with too much too soon. Once you sign that lease you are stuck in the situation whether it's working or not.

 

What does he mean by this: "staying engaged for a while"?

 

Move in because you want to, not because of string along talk like "getting engaged".

We have been dating for 6 months and when we move in, we will have dated for 8-9 months. This may also be a good test for whether we can get along in the long term and it could bring us closer. I am not entirely sure how serious he is about it.

[holistic17]

I agree with the first reply. It's far too quick. You dont know this guy at all. Not who he really is anyway. You've only seen his fun dating side. You'll suddenly be thrown together where a lot of compromise will be needed and rules drawn up about managing the apartment. Even this could be a mismatch! I wouldn't risk this if you want to keep dating him. Tell him as grateful as you are for him to consider you as a roommate, you think that you'd prefer to live with other people. It's a compliment to him really, as you respect both of you enough to consider the risks that may affect the development of your relationship in the best and most natural way. If he's mature enough then he'll understand your reasons. If not - hey, aren't you glad you reconsidered that move?! It also concerns me that hes thinking about engagement?! All this is extremely pressurised.

[Gary Snyder]

Well, if it's cheaper to live, I say move in. It's not like getting married where you need to get a divorce - much less complicated to get out of if there's a problem.

[Wiseman2]

It could be quite expensive breaking a lease, etc. Also do not purchase things together or co-own anything. Split rent/utilities down the middle and never commingle finances with someone you are dating only a few months. You need frank discussions about that not diamond ring fever he's distracting you with.

 

]

[Hollyj]

Too soon!!!!!!!