Girlfriend of 1 year decides she needs space- what do i do?

[jonnyboy12]

Hi all,

 

So ive been with this girl for over a year now and we really are in love, we are best friends but also in love. We do alot of things together, spend alot of time together. At the start when we were dating we both did silly things which didn't help with my already underlying trust issues. As the relationship went on I can admit that sometimes I have been too clingy or I have not let her go out and enjoy herself with her friends without complaining about something.

But apart from these things the relationship overall is great, her parents can see that and so can mine. Of course every couple has little arguments over silly things but we have never had a big fall out.

 

It all kind of started on the weekend when we went out together and she just seemed a bit bored and she ended up falling asleep in the cinema, its cute and its nice how she fell asleep on my shoulder but its just a bit rude in my opinion, she would never do that if she was going out with her friends! So that kicked off a little argurment but we got over it. Saturday then came and she went out with her friend, she went out with no battery in her phone so that wasnt a good start as I like knowing shes home safe. It got to 3:30 AM and I had nothing from her so I called her friend to see where she was, her friend had left her and my girlfriend was out there trying to get a taxi home by herself. I was mad and I did have a go at her friend admittedly. Eventually she called when she was home and I admitted right away that I was worried and that I had had a go at her friend, she wasnt happy. She said "everytime i go out theres something, can't you just not check on me?' now I did find this a bit hurtful as i was genuinely worried about her, i care about her so muh and thats genuinely the only reason I contacted her friend. So we had another little argument.

Sunday morning I woke up to a text saying "we need to talk" - long story short she says she hasnt felt as happy for the past month and she wants time and space to work things out, she wont tell me what these "things" are. So instead of going on a break she has completely ended our relationship, ofcourse im totally heartbroken right now and I tried my best to change her mind. But this is what I don't understand, she keeps telling me she loves me and that she isnt deleting pictures of us off her social media or taking the little memories down in her room because in her words "why would i do that, they are all memories we might revisit in the future", how am I meant to take that?? She also keeps saying, "I Love you, i really do, i don't want nobody else, im just confused right now, i just need time alone and to focus on myself". I agreed with her and said I would give her time, but I just dont understand why she needs to end our whole relationship, put me through all of this pain and give me this false hope that it could be fixed. She keeps saying "i believe if we are meant to be we will find a way back to each other" and that she is going to "text me soon". Its all a bit confusing, I do feel lost without her, Ive treated her like a princess over the past year. I do understand that maybe I am too clingy, maybe I do look over her too much but she isn't giving me the opportunity to show her that ill change?

 

What should I do? Give it a month max before I really give up? I don't want to give up yet, not after what she has said, we are soul mates and it just seems stupid to let go just now, waiting for her to make her mind up fully will be really hard but should I just prepare for the worst?

We are both 20 and this is our first ever serious relationship, and we do both adore each other and see a future with each other.

 

Suggestions would be helpful .

[gebaird]

You clipped her wings. Though care and concern may have been your primary motives, to her it probably looked an awful lot like possessiveness, control and manipulation. Too clingy indeed.

 

No one here can say if she will or won't come back. However, you can get yourself back. The first step is to let her go. If she returns, love her with an open hand -- not a short leash. Admire her like you would admire a butterfly in your hand: if you try to close your fist, holding too tight, you destroy its beauty. If she doesn't return, learn from this experience and be more trusting and open in future relationships.

 

Don't listen to her words about "coming back" and "meant to be." It will only mess with your head. She'll come back when and if she's ready. Block her everywhere for now so you can start the process of healing.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened but you seem to have insight into the fact that you were controlling and smothering her.

 

Give her the space she needs and pull way back and reflect on your need to control and smother her. She's a grown 20 y/o woman and doesn't want someone breathing down her neck.

 

She wants to be trusted, not answer to you as if you're her dad and she's a child. You need to rethink your controlling and possessive nature and get a grip on that. Do not contact her or buzz around...it will only prove her point that she was right to break free.

I can admit that sometimes I have been too clingy or I have not let her go out and enjoy herself with her friends without complaining about something. She said "everytime i go out theres something, can't you just not check on me?' she says she hasnt felt as happy for the past month and she wants time and space to work things out. she has completely ended our relationship. im just confused right now, i just need time alone and to focus on myself". I do understand that maybe I am too clingy

[happyfrank]

You should give her space. If she wants to be with you. Let her contact you first. But you should make peace with her friends first and apologize for getting upset with them.

 

I was just leave them a message via facebook if you could and move on.

 

You know her best. Their must be something she wants to focus on. I think it's best to respect her growing.

 

Good luck to you.

[Fun Boater 1]

Only thing you can do is to step way back and give her the space she has requested. As long as there isn't another guy in the picture and as long as she's sincere about needed this "space" then there is no reason you guys can't be together again and work things out. HOWEVER, if you go chasing her, blowing up her phone, bothering her all the time about getting back, then you are guranteeing that she will NOT be back. Keep your distance from her, work on yourself, let her work on herself, and see what happens. If you try and push her, she'll be GONE FOR GOOD. Realize that!

[Doc Blaze]

you are doing a lot of things wrong and might of cost you the relationship.

 

You need to let her be right now if you want any chance of getting her back, nothing you say or do will help. I am not saying you wait forever let her think it over.

[Gary Snyder]

When they say they need space, their love level has fallen past the point of no return. Sure, she has a little residual love left, just enough to confuse you and keep you hanging on with false hope. It's over.

 

You do have some controlling issues. Do some research on narcissists.

[MissCanuck]

OP, as others have said, you need to get your controlling behaviour sorted out. Calling her friend and getting upset with her was totally inappropriate and crossed so many boundaries. I would've ended it too, if I were in her shoes. You were very much out of line and invasive.

 

Let her go. It might already be too late, but the only thing you can really do is respect her decision and leave her be now. She might come back around, but it's important that you don't pin any hopes on that. Do some reflection and figure out where that instinct to monitor and cling comes from, and how you can maturely and appropriately deal with it in future relationships.