GuestUser123 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 It was more than a one night stand, it was more than sex, we made love, followed by dinner & cuddling, attempts to contact each other, endless phone calls & letters, dreams/thoughts of waking up next to each other every morning. We were scared to start over but so willing to based on what our hearts told us. We wrote pages after pages to each other without hesitation. I loved him from the moment I smelled his cologne, I saw him chewing his shirt, the moment I heard his voice. I spent the first car ride trying to stop my heart from racing, to catch my breath. I love his touch, his voice, his eyes, the way his lips felt against mine, I love that he wanted to hear my horoscopes, I love that he wanted a picture of my face to show off, I love that he bragged about me, I love that he asked me what my perfect date would be, I love his hand writing, I love his forehead kisses, I love that we have so much in common, I love the way he called me his girl, boo, & his baby. I love how he fell asleep in my arms, I love that he made me dinner & brought it to me, I love that he tried to help me while he was in jail & without me asking. I love that he told his gf of 4 years he wasn't going to let me go, I love that he said he wanted to do good for me, I love that he said he wanted to be a better man. I love the way he dances & sings when a song comes on. That night, the world stopped, we were in slow motion while our hearts played music. I'm scared, these feelings are strong, no one wants us to be together, he's engaged to her now, he is/was a heroin addict, he robbed electronics with her small child in the car (without a seat & crashed), he has cheated before (SHE told me it was different with me, he won't let me go), my child's father (who I had just broken up with 2 days prior to the 1 night stand...& it was his bday & the guy was his tattoo artist) is 110% against him & I ever having any contact. His past says I shouldn't, but my hearts says I can change his future for the better. Ruin their relationship, &the friendship I have with my childs father to be with him or try to move on while still trying to recreate that night, I've tried to move on, but not realising it, I am finding people that remind me of him. I crave him in everyway, from the intimacy all the way to craving his voice. Was this all from the drinks that night? The sex? Just a crush? Was it real? Was/is it love? Does he feel the same about me? Does he miss me the way I miss him? Does he wonder if I miss him? Would he keep his word, leave her, not cheat, love me & stay sober? Or was it lies? I am heart broken, confused & scared. How would my child's father feel? How would she feel? Tonight I stare at his picture, wishing I knew all the answers, wishing all was well & that he was right here beside me. I did so good not thinking of him like this for awhile because I kept telling myself I was mad at him...but I was really just scared, scared of breaking apart 2 families for an acquaintance who captured my heart. I would be happy being in the passenger seat of his car for the rest of my life...but is that how he feels too? Is this love? How do I get over/forget someone who makes me feel this way? P.s I know I made some really bad choices, but I am aware of that, this post is about my feelings about him, not the choices I have made. Thank you for reading.
GuestUser123 Posted March 8, 2017 Author Posted March 8, 2017 By the way, we met, talked all the time for about a month, then had the "one night stand" then continued a "relationship" for about 2 months. My child's father knew that I was talking to him, then told me it would hurt too much for me to speak with him again, my child's father has since moved on & is with someone else but still does not want me to have contact with this man (which I do understand). At the time of the "relationship" he did not tell her everything said between us, he didn't tell her we were talking like we were but did tell her he was not going to stop talking to me & that he wanted all his things moved to my place (which didn't happen). Her & I did talk often, she talked about him & I being together, but also talked about them & how he raised her child & that made it even harder. My friend wants a tattoo from him after seeing his work, said she was going to mention my name tomorrow, I don't know what will happen from that...I know what the right thing to do is, but if this really is love...will I be able to move on, find another love & stop thinking of him everyday?
Snny Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 I love that he tried to help me while he was in jail & without me asking. I love that he told his gf of 4 years he wasn't going to let me go .... he's engaged to her now, he is/was a heroin addict, he robbed electronics with her small child in the car (without a seat & crashed), he has cheated before... Great catch!!! A man who did drugs, is locked up, annnnnd PUT HIS OWN CHILD'S LIFE AT RISK. Wake the hell up. For real. This guy is a charmer and is using you. He is engaged to another woman and you are being a home wrecker. There is absolutely nothing to romanticize about him. This guy has a lot of baggage to bring. my child's father is 110% against him & I ever having any contact. I don't blame him. This guy is shady as heck. I wouldn't trust him around my own child since he was reckless with his own kid and has a criminal history. OP, please go get some professional help. You need a better choice of guys who aren't players. This guy is nowhere near a good father figure or a good role model for your child. As mother you have a responsibility of raising your kid right, and it isn't not around a person like this. Stay away from taken guys as well- you are setting yourself up for heartache. P.S. Paragraphs are awesome. Please use them!
yatsue Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 My god, this man you're overinfatuated with is such a loser. The only way he could possibly be worse is if he was physically abusive. I'm pretty sure he was convicted of child abuse/neglect already for that robbery incident. Why pine for this train wreck, pathetic excuse for a man? Even person? It's clear he has no morals. You're hyping up the romantization of a one night stand. I say you should keep it that way - a one night stand. That's all he'll be good for. There is no long term potential in this one.
Matt3939 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Proves to me there's someone our there for everyone. Thanks for that.
melancholy123 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Chewing on his shirt? What's with that? The guy is a loser, surely you can see that. Take off those rose coloured glasses and get a grip.
ParisPaulette Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Okay, apologies here for the harshness in advance. But I am so far beyond picking up the paper and reading about dead women and dead kids or dead fathers and dead kids at the hands of people that had so many red flags they surely knew it was going to end badly, so I am not going to sugarcoat what I say to you. You need to march yourself into therapy STAT and tell the therapist, "I am attracted to destructive men who have the potential to seriously hurt me, my child, or worse." I'm dead serious about that. So you had one fantasy where you are telling yourself, "This is just like in the movies," only movies lie. They are there to entertain. In real life Christian Grey would have started beating the crap out of Anastasia, and she'd have had to file a restraining order on him only to end up in court testifying against him after he'd killed someone. Because in real life someone so psychotic they have to beat women to get back at a mother they describe in the most vicious of terms is not someone who will fall in love and now all is well. Not.even.close. That's real life. The fluffy bunny "Oh, you can change a bad person into good with just the power of your lurv" is a dangerous fantasy either born out of a desperate need to deny real life or a massive arrogance that says, "I am so special of course I'll be the exception to the odds." This is like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded pistol, only the pistol can't manipulate people. This is the mindset that leads way too many people literally to their deaths or worse, because yeah there are worse things that death. Wake up, get into therapy, admit you have a serious problem of the you're seeking out people that end up on the 10:00 o'clock news over and over again. Enjoy the fantasy, but realize it is only a fantasy. In this life, in real life, this guy did bad things - bad enough to have landed himself in prison and to still be a serious problem. And realize this is exactly the sort of person to keep away from your child. If you don't want to take care of your kid, then let him or her go to someone who will take care of them and keep them safe. And yes, when you hang with people like this guy that's exactly the kind of horrors you expose your child to, let alone you. At least care enough about your kid not to have them anywhere near you if this is the type of person you think is a romantic prospect. P.S. Guy crashed his car with a child in it who wasn't buckled up? In my world this type of person would be just as quickly court ordered to have no contact with any child ever again. Is that the type of person you want around your kid. No wonder your ex said no. I'd be hiring a lawyer right about now and going for full custody with supervised visits. That you didn't hear that and immediately go "I have a child, this man can't be trusted with children, he can't be trusted with my child, goodbye." is so far beyond the pale it's not funny.
GuestUser123 Posted March 8, 2017 Author Posted March 8, 2017 Ok, I am well aware that I made a lot of bad decisions. I also know that people can change, drug addicts can change. My parents were heroin addicts, my mom is now 7 years sober, getting married, buying a house this summer, & is the head manager at a nursing home. My dad is getting married, 6 years sober, just bought a new house, & is about to start his own business. So I do believe that SOME people can change, & I know some can't. This lasted a few months not just one night like I said. I know he is a bad guy, & I don't want him near my child, I don't want to ruin everything. I have a lot of questions running through my mind. I wanted to know if what I was feeling was love or just a crush or something. And if it was in fact love how I can get over him, move on and be happy. I don't want to think about him, but I do so I asked. I was putting every feeling into this so you guys could tell me what those feelings might be. And yes paragraphs are good, but because of my childhood, & not going to school I was never properly taught where to end a paragraph & where to start a paragraph. I was also never taught cursive, division, multiplication, or how to tell time. Anyway, I don't want him, I don't want these feelings, I don't want to think about him, so how do I stop? I'm 21 years old, I've been in 1 relationship since I was 16, & before that was a 2 year relationship. I was hoping someone could tell me this was just a crush & I can easily get over it.
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Focus on your child and don't repeat your parents' mistakes on your child.
Hollyj Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Ok, I am well aware that I made a lot of bad decisions. I also know that people can change, drug addicts can change. My parents were heroin addicts, my mom is now 7 years sober, getting married, buying a house this summer, & is the head manager at a nursing home. My dad is getting married, 6 years sober, just bought a new house, & is about to start his own business. So I do believe that SOME people can change, & I know some can't. This lasted a few months not just one night like I said. I know he is a bad guy, & I don't want him near my child, I don't want to ruin everything. I have a lot of questions running through my mind. I wanted to know if what I was feeling was love or just a crush or something. And if it was in fact love how I can get over him, move on and be happy. I don't want to think about him, but I do so I asked. I was putting every feeling into this so you guys could tell me what those feelings might be. And yes paragraphs are good, but because of my childhood, & not going to school I was never properly taught where to end a paragraph & where to start a paragraph. I was also never taught cursive, division, multiplication, or how to tell time. Anyway, I don't want him, I don't want these feelings, I don't want to think about him, so how do I stop? I'm 21 years old, I've been in 1 relationship since I was 16, & before that was a 2 year relationship. I was hoping someone could tell me this was just a crush & I can easily get over it. Why don't you return to school for the betterment of you and your child. Your choice in men is horrendous!!!! I also suggest counseling.
ParisPaulette Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 In the end it doesn't matter if it's a crush or love, but real love is a long-term thing that lasts through the fire, crushes are that giddy, "OMG I am thinking about this person non-stop and crave them like candy." A crush is called "Crush" cause it slams into you like a wildfire at times, so yes you had a crush. You wouldn't even know if it's love until you are both standing there still holding hands through the kinds of fires most couples don't survive. And a crush is not worth joining up with someone who has clear red flags. Can this guy change? Sure if he wants to, but we're talking the kind of change that means you forsake everyone who ever had anything to do with the world of drugs, crime, you do amends - like has he done any sort of volunteer work that would benefit children and you make amends and get therapy, you lay out and follow those actions that keep you on the straight and narrow always. And it is a life long commitment to stay clean and free, usually one that entails joining a program like AA or NA or something to make sure one doesn't lapse into old habits. And we're talking years to get to that point. My dad was an alcoholic, it took him five years, a new job, a move twice, ending all old friendships, avoiding peanuts because their taste reminded him of beer, therapy, more therapy, and the knowledge that he would die if he started drinking again since his liver was about to give out on him, and more to keep him clean and sober. He stayed sober, but it was a struggle he had every day. So no, that whole "people can change" thing while true is not something you should ever bank on. You want to be on the other side of them having already gone through the struggle and seriously changed and made amends for their actions before you engage. And even then it may not be enough, who knows. In this case we aren't just talking addiction though. This guy has a whole host of behaviors and issues that go well beyond just an addiction issue. Some of which are not so easily changed even by the above. What you do is walk away and let the feelings die down, which they will. I loved an addict once, fully and deeply since he hid his addictions from me for a year. I still left him and got over it, because I just was not going to live in that world, wait for all the time it would take him to change, which was something he didn't want to do anyways but tried to hide from me, and then hold on more hoping I wouldn't end up in a very bad place, because of him. And no way was I going to let my kids ever near him, so even if it were love, which at this stage it isn't, you can very much choose to still say, "I'm not taking on that potential disaster just 'cause someone makes me all tingly inside." And you can walk away. And you should in this case. Learn to choose better and understand emotions can lie, they can very much lead us down very destructive paths. Like those women and men who stay in an abusive relationship until they're killed. Love did them absolute no good, it brought them death and sometimes their loved ones too. So no, it is up to you to choose to walk away no matter what your emotions might be, because your head says, "I am not going to walk down that path and put me and my child at risk of someone like that and the people he would have in his life who may be even worse." You choose by cutting off all contact, going through letting the crush die, or even if it were love, letting that die too. Time and no contact are the best ways to get over it. They work, I know. I don't love anyone that was ever toxic to me and I'm glad I left every one of them in my past, where they belong. My only regret was ever letting any of them have access to me and my life to begin with. You will feel that too and you will learn, we all do. But don't knowingly go with people who have a criminal past that they haven't spent years and considerable amends to society and those they hurt and expect that anything good will come out of it. And realize those types of people are rare, they are the exception, not the rule.
boltnrun Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 Infatuation, not a crush. I'm guessing your life is difficult and you have romanticized this ONE night because it's an escape from your real life. Addicts CAN recover, that is true, but only if THEY want to and only if THEY do the hard work. You can't decide that for him. And him saying he wants to get better isn't adequate; he has to do the work. Do you even hear from him? Has he stopped communication with you? Whatever it is in your life that has caused you to create a romantic fantasy around this man, work on that. YOU can build a great life for yourself, but not if you're wasting years mooning over a fantasy.
GuestUser123 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 I would just like to reply to a few of the last comments. Yes, something bad was going on in my life, I had recently (right before the one night stand) discovered I had a rare and incurable brain disorder that will cause pain until I eventually go blind. On top of that I have depression, from my childhood and from a previous miscarriage. Shortly before this post my childs father got into a relationship & even though it was my actions that caused our downfall I was hurt. After not thinking about that guy for awhile my brothers gf told me he was engaged which made me think of him. And in a moment of weakness I fantasized about him, and escaped reality for the night. I never messaged him, or even looked at his picture other than that one time. I haven't thought of him other than regretting thinking of him that night & writing this post. I know it was just a crush, and means nothing other than a lesson. I know what love is. Love is what I let slip away. I broke my love's heart. My childs father deserves to be happy & after what I did I deserve to watch him have that happiness somewhere else. I have since then gotten a job, a car and finding a new apartment for my son and I. I am seeing professionals to help with all of my problems. I want what is best for my child and I know that that is a mommy that can love him, care for him and support him all on my own. I have always known that, but these past few months have just been hard, stressful and dark. I just wasn't myself for awhile. Thank you for your help.
.thumb.jpg.a0d9418827fbc694bdfccb9515d9347a.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.