Lola121212 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 So I have problems opening up due to my parents divorce a couple years ago. Just the idea of opening up to someone and getting hurt terrifies me. I had this guy in my class that I found attracted and we somehow started texting. He asked me out but because of my issues I rejected him. He was amazing about it and just stopped texting me. Call it trying to conquering my fears or regretting the chance I missed with an amazing guy but I reached out to him and gave him hope. He asked me out again and I agreed but the anxiety and pressure the date and getting to know him is causing me is unbelievably. I thought I could conquer my fear but I can't and I know people will say just give him a chance but I know I'm hurting him in the process of dealing with my personal issues and is it really fair of me to do that to him. I just don't know how to break it down to him because I did approach him after I initially rejected him and it may come off as me playing games with him. He's a great guy and we have a group project in class together so we'll have to face each other. I want to give him a chance but I'm just not ready. So how do I explain this to him without coming off as a jerk? Also what if it comes off as a lie? How do I tell him I'm not ready to date?
j.man Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 "Hey, I'm really sorry, but I'm going through way too much right now to date. I'll let you know if things calm down a bit, though" And then actually don't contact him unless it is for a date. Though be prepared to be more firm in case he thinks you're just being wishy-washy again. Rejecting him isn't what makes you sound like a jerk. Rejecting him and then continuing to reach out is what does you in.
Wiseman2 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 You seem quite insightful and rational. Agree, don't get him in the crossfire of your concerns. Honesty is the best policy and what you stated here in the very first line is a good place to start. You could say something like, "i like you but my parents divorced recently and i feel i'm not ready to date just yet after all that". I know I'm hurting him in the process of dealing with my personal issues and is it really fair of me to do that to him. I just don't know how to break it down to him . How do I tell him I'm not ready to date?
Lola121212 Posted March 8, 2017 Author Posted March 8, 2017 Shouldn't What I say to him be more in-dept because this seems really evasive. Wouldn't he be like then why'd you reach out to me after your initial rejection. I feel like there's no way out of this situation but I want to take the route that won't hurt him. Also would it be terrible to do this over text or would face to face be more appropriate?
Wiseman2 Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Learn early in life that most guys want an explanation, but not a dissertation. Keep it simple, diplomatic and without drama. Shouldn't What I say to him be more in-dept because this seems really evasive. Also would it be terrible to do this over text or would face to face be more appropriate?
Dahl Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 most guys want an explanation, but not a dissertation. Wiseman, I'm starting a Brilliant Tee-shirt Ideas by Wiseman log. OP, are you in therapy or able or willing to seek counseling? Please know that I am sincerely suggesting this because I think it's valuable to almost everyone, myself included, and I am in no way being sarcastic or judgemental. You've been through a profound, life-impacting situation with your parents' divorce and you are smart to recognize the effects it may have on your own relationships. Counseling might help you feel confident in your present and future endeavors to make your way into the dating world. I wish you much luck.
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