Help needed what to do?

[time4takeoff]

Hi,

 

I have been in a relationship for the past 6 months me and my girlfriend were both getting on really well until the past 2 weeks where we have been arguing over silly things booking a holiday, future plans of having a baby etc. I am English and she is from Romania.

 

We see each other Sunday afternoon until Monday evening ( she normally comes back to my place) we live about 2 hours from each other I normally drive down to the London area to pick her up while she gets the tube to the station where I pick her up from. She is currently working as an au pair and I'm working as an Engineer. Her hours are longer then mine she works 7am till 7pm Tuesday- Saturday and until 2pm on Sunday while I work Monday- Friday.

 

Whilst I'm working all over the place she normally comes to work with me and has a look round town whilst I'm at the office for a few hours. I told her she could stay at mine whilst I work but she wants to come which I'm happy with.

 

We both met on a dating site and the other day after our argument something was telling me something isn't right so I set up a random dating profile non subscribed one so I couldn't message anyone and found out that she had been active within the past week on a subscribed profile.

 

When I questioned her and asked her if she has been on a dating site since we have been in a relationship she said no but her sister has been on her dating profile. She said her sister wanted to go on there to talk to guys and try and learn english.

 

My girlfriend said she will delete the profile when she sees me on Sunday. Come the Sunday I asked her to get her phone out and sign into the dating site and pass the phone so I could check the messages sent. She was hesitant in handing the phone over and just said I'll delete my account. She couldn't for some reason so I gave her my laptop to login. She put the wrong email address in and said she forgot the email address but managed to sign in using her phone. I changed her email address on my laptop and asked her to try again this time it worked. Looking quickly at the emails I couldn't see any sent messages so all good however she couldn't deactivate her account for some reason so I told her to phone the dating company on the Monday.

 

Come the Monday everything was all good between us. I asked her to phone the dating site and cancel her account she replied I'll do it when we get home.

 

In the evening I took her back to London, came home and went on my laptop to find that she didn't sign out properly. I looked at the messages sent properly this time and found out there was 5 guys she was talking to over the past 3 months. I sent her a message saying that she lied and that we are finished. She replied and sent numerous messages saying its her sisters fault she done it and that she wanted to learn english by using my subscribed account by chatting to a few guys.

 

Her sister phoned me and told me she is sorry what she had done but when questions where asked both stories didn't match up. There was one question a guy asked can you drive? The response was yes but I haven't passed my test yet! My girlfriend sister can drive so why would this be her saying this answer when my girlfriend is ready for her test?

 

I questioned my girlfriend about this today and her response every time I ask her a question is that its her sister who done it not her.

 

How can I trust her?

 

She phoned me via video whatsapp saying she loves me and would do anything for me and wants to go and see a therapist she was constantly crying and saying she didn't do it and that the only person she wants to be with is me. I told her that all I want to know is the truth. I don't believe her. She says she doesn't want to lose me.

 

I still have feelings for her, my head is all over the place. When we see each other we get on really well, show affection and we both loved each other however now this has happened I don't know what to do. She is always buying me gifts and saying how happy she is with me although sometimes picks at little things like the way I hold a folk and says I am annoying sometimes but in a joking way.

 

I think she knows she has messed up and she thinks its too late to say the truth. What should I do?

[Betterwithout]

It's clear that you can't trust her and seem a bit on the harrassing side with having her cancel the dating service.

 

Has there been other obstacles or red flags in the relationship. 6 months is a pretty good gauge as to what to expect in the long term.

 

Sounds like you need therapy which she has already suggested.

[Wiseman2]

If you don't trust her, then yes it's over. But catfishing and policing is making the relationship very sick.

I asked her to get her phone out and sign into the dating site and pass the phone so I could check the messages sent. I sent her a message saying that she lied and that we are finished. I think she knows she has messed up and she thinks its too late to say the truth.

Maybe it's time to realize it hasn't been working for quite some time?:

[Dahl]

I think she knows she has messed up and she thinks its too late to say the truth. What should I do?

 

I think she's been dating while apart from you. What truth do you believe remains to be sussed out, here?