I don't know what healthy looks like

[NoLuck]

I was casually talking to my partner about a restaurant. I mentioned I noticed a friend of mine made positive comments about the restaurant on Facebook. My partner got upset and said I was being sneaky and hiding the friend's name.

That never even crossed my mind. I just said my friend since my partner would not be familiar with the person's name. My partner went into a while discussion about when how people aren't called friend if there is minimal contact. The whole argument seemed blown out of proportion and a bit petty to me. I don't want to be insensitive, but I cannot come up with what I did wrong. I would have said my friend's name if my partner asked, but my partner attacked me instead of asking.

 

I am feeling confused now. Did I do something wrong? I feel like I can't just talk without thinking hard about what I say because I don't want to argue. Do people in relationships expect to know about everyone their partner has contact with? Thanks in advance.

[Wiseman2]

Who is the friend? An ex? Another woman? Why is a fb review a big deal? Why doesn't she trust your fb activities and friends? There must be some history of jealous behind all this.

I mentioned I noticed a friend of mine made positive comments about the restaurant on Facebook.I would have said my friend's name if my partner asked, but my partner attacked me instead of asking.

[Betterwithout]

Sounds like your partner has some sensitivity issues. Have they just come out of a bad relationship? Maybe the jealous type or non-trusting.

Walking on eggshells with a partner get really old, really fast. After a good amount of time together as a couple, you should have full freedom to express yourself.

If they are not allowing you to be you...that is a problem that may not go away.

[Dahl]

I can't reckon what you did wrong, either.

 

Your partner, on the other hand, sounds hyper-sensitive and painfully insecure to me.

 

Do they frequently flip out a/o meltdown like this? Would you mind elaborating a bit more? Such as, how old you two are, how long you've been together, is this your/their first serious relationship, and the like.

 

I wouldn't call this healthy and I certainly don't think it's reasonable. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

 

Be well.

[DancingFool]

Sounds like major trust and possibly jealousy issues and lashed out at you as a result.

 

You didn't do or say anything wrong. The attack about it was completely out of the left field. It's perfectly normal to say friend or friends recommend x. Just part of normal every day conversations. If that sets your partner off......your partner has some serious personal issues that they need to deal with.

 

This is one of those where you should remain calm and firm that you didn't do anything wrong, because you didn't, and ask them what is actually bothering them. What is this fight really about. Then talk about it and decide if you really want to deal with that kind of passive aggressive behavior or in general if you want to be constantly on guard for random meltdowns. Unless you call them out on it and they quickly fix it, this kind of behavior will get old very fast.

[Wiseman2]

Is this just another episode in a series of explosive behavior and abusive events?

My partner has a bad habit of berating me and having a tantrum when she does not get her way with me. It makes me feel like she doesn't respect me or truly love me. She is easy to love and get along with when she is happy, but her tantrums are eroding my feelings.

[limichelle]

Relationships should never be this difficult to where you have to question your own thoughts and feelings carefully to avoid a conflict. Trust should be one of the most important foundations to a good solid relationship. If your partner can't trust then the structure crumbles little by little.

 

It sounds like your partner has nothing to worry about, you are honest with them.

 

As for you questioning you don't know what is normal in your headline, that is an indication this isn't the right relationship for you because you will know in the right relationship it's normal and you will feel you don't have to tip toe.

[Gary Snyder]

Your partner has trust issues....... in other words, he/she is getting jelous over nothing. Needs counseling.

[Dahl]

I would go a step further in that I'm concerned that your partner has boundary and temper control issues, as well. You shouldn't be made to feel like you are constantly on eggshells and you absolutely should not feel like you're going to be taken to task every time you open your mouth - or don't open your mouth in time, according to your partner.

 

This is an enormous red flag, in my estimation.

 

Perhaps this is a good opportunity to reevaluate if this relationship is a good fit for you?

[Wiseman2]

Agree. In fact there's a book called: Stop Walking Eggshells Look into it perhaps there are some tips for you.

You shouldn't be made to feel like you are constantly on eggshells

[Hollyj]

"Should I walk away?

I have been involved with a woman that is married to a man. She says she is not happy with him and claims she wants to divorce. I have waited for a long time for this to happen.

I have now decided I should see other people instead of waiting on her. She is extremely angry with me. She makes me feel guilty about my decision. Should I cut off contact with her at this point? I want to become a better person, but I feel she stays angry with me about the new path. She continues to tell me about how many people are dying to have a shot with her.

When she says things like that it seems obvious to me that she has no intention of leaving the marriage. I feel like she just wants to have people on the side. Please help me see the light."

Why do you continue with this? She is MARRIED and the 'relationship is not healthy. She is not your partner, as she is MARRIED! I see she still lives with her husband, too. When are you going to get tired of being her sidepiece and emotional punching bag?

 

I strongly recommend counseling, as the situation - I will not call it a relationship - is VERY unhealthy!

[tattoobunnie]

My hubby and I have never just used friend. We always say the person's name regardless if we communicate on a regular basis. I only say friend when I'm referring to an ex, and not big on bringing up that point.

 

Not to add fuel to the fire. Some people just think differently. Could be an issue of incompatibility.

[Dahl]

Hollyj, I am endlessly impressed by your eagle-eyes.

 

OP, can you please elaborate?

[Hollyj]

Hollyj, I am endlessly impressed by your eagle-eyes.

 

OP, can you please elaborate?

Thank you, my dear.

 

It seemed a bit suspicious - too little info for such a bizarre response. I don't understand why people continue to put themselves in such dysfunctional and hurtful places, especially when they know it is unhealthy.

 

OP, you are totally being played. She will never leave her husband. She is also sharing his bed and not miserable. Wake up!

[DancingFool]

Thank you, my dear.

 

It seemed a bit suspicious - too little info for such a bizarre response. I don't understand why people continue to put themselves in such dysfunctional and hurtful places, especially when they know it is unhealthy.

 

OP, you are totally being played. She will never leave her husband. She is also sharing his bed and not miserable. Wake up!

 

'Cause she/he is hot and their lower half is doing all the thinking, while their actual brain is flat lining.

[Hollyj]

'Cause she/he is hot and their lower half is doing all the thinking, while their actual brain is flat lining.

 

To allow this nonsense for years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't get it!

[j.man]

[EDIT: That movie was about a real person? Alright bad joke]