The guilt

[Havok20]

How do you get over the feeling knowing you caused the breakup through neglect?

[Clio]

It takes two to tango. It is very unlikely that this was all on you. Chances are that you both contributed to building the dysfunction in the relationship. To answer your question, I think it takes time, it takes understanding the deeper causes behind your behaviour (e.g. what contributed to you being avoidant, was there lack of communication and why, etc) and once you understand why you acted the way you did, it takes forgiving yourself for not knowing any better. Good luck!

[Tombo7891]

clio is right!! It sounds like you're going through a tough stage right now blaming yourself. A Relationship involves 2 people, as much as you want to blame yourself it wasn't all your fault. But most importantly life is a never ending lesson, to get the most out of it learn from each experience no matter how painful they may be. This website helped

Me on understand my grief cycle and what to expect

 

Stay strong, reflect on what you can take away from This experience to be a better person for the next relationship. Or maybe you will get a second chance at this one, but be true to yourself. Time has a funny way of making sense of

things. I'm just learning this myself 4 months out of my first love endeing things with me. I was shattered and still am, but it gets a little better each day. I don't put the blame 100% on myself like I did when she first ended it.

[RainyCoast]

with gratitude that your eyes have been opened and you're now equipped to do better with the next person.

 

with sparing yourself, because you're not 100% at fault. relationships are the doing of two people. forgive the both of you, you set up the only dynamic that at the time you knew.

 

with questioning. how much attention can you give the other person, without feeling like you have a needy slug stuck on you? if you are true to yourself, you can pick people who are happy with attention in moderation in the future.

 

with excitement. you have all this experience and information now. you'll enter the new relationship one trait lighter.

[Wiseman2]

Breakups happen and they happen for a reason. You weren't happy if you checked out mentally.

How do you get over the feeling knowing you caused the breakup through neglect?

[ParisPaulette]

Two steps, one you stop romanticizing the relationship and realize it wasn't a good fit in the first place, because if it had been you would not have gotten bored and stopped trying. And two, take this as a learning lesson and understand relationships need work, it isn't a "now I have you, okay what's for dinner?" type of thing.

 

But it's okay to simply say this wasn't working in the first place, and you just got kind of bored and expected things would never change. It doesn't sound like you were that compatible and while comfort is nice, it is a terrible thing to solely base a relationship on. So grieve the loss of the relationship, heal and move on a bit wiser.

 

It happens to many people and all you can do really is take the life lesson and push forward.

[GeekLover]

Me on understand my grief cycle and what to expect

 

Thank you for this site! It is going to be very helpful for my own healing.

 

I suggest to the OP that they also check it out.