Nervous breakdown

[Needadvice0000]

Thank you to anyone who reads this and can help me.

 

I started dating a guy I was friends with about 2 years ago. We moved pretty quickly as many mid twenties people do. He seemed thoughtful, nice, all around good guy. Til crap hit the fan. Pretty quickly I noticed he was really sensitive. Too sensitive. I could say hey you look great, and he'd feel offended somehow. I learned his "car in the shop" was no car at all, and also no license. It took him a full year to get the motivation to get his license after me begging him. I would pick him up and drop him off every day at work, adding 12hrs a week of driving just for him. He had no Drive, no motivation. And it put a lot of burden on me. If I asked him to pitch in for groceries, he'd get an attitude. Then everything I started to do or say would irritate him, inconvenience him, or make him angry.

 

One time I was goofing off and touched bopped his hat and it accidentally came off in Walmart and he flipped out. I didn't mean to do it, and I don't know why he got mad.

 

One time I asked for help to put air in my tires and he had a sore throat, so he got mad and said it was awful of me to ask him that when he had a sore throat.

 

Hes gotten mad because I put batteries in the closet instead of the kitchen drawer.

 

He's gotten mad when I was talking about debates during the election and said he was trying to relax and to stop bothering him. When I had no idea I was bothering him, I just thought we were having conversation.

 

When I had to re-teach him how to drive-he was nervous and screaming at me the whole time.

 

When I asked him to wake up 20 minutes early to get to the bank before work so I can pay our bills (they're all in my name because he has bad credit) he yelled at me because it was inconveniencing him. But I needed him to go so I could pay our bill on time.

 

He accused me of cheating on him when I had an unexpected 14hr very stressful work day and made me cry because all I wanted to do was come home and unwind after a long and horrible day, and he treated me as if I cheated on him even when I explained I was just at work.

 

Anytime I get hurt, cry or angry with him when he acts this way. He somehow tries to blame it on me for not dropping it if he says sorry (IF he says sorry) and if I don't drop it, he says I ruin the night. But I never started it in the first place. For the past 6 months he has gotten mad at me every single day. For something I have no idea is coming. I seem to not be able to breathe right without making him mad or offended.

 

I have gotten very mad on a few occasions and I held off sex for a couple months. I couldn't give myself to someone who treated me like that. And no matter how hard I try to explain to him, somehow he makes me feel like it's my fault. But I can't help to get really mad sometimes when he does this out of nowhere for no reason. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like he lives in another universe, that's how much he doesn't get it. We even split the cost of a king bed, and he said he paid for it all. But I saved up half the money and contributed a full 1/2. I feel like he's insane at this point. And I've tried to break up with him around 8 times or so but he never leaves. I think this time he might, because he says we "don't see eye too eye". Which I think is his lack of manlihood and unwillingness to accept he's been mean and bad to me. He is looking for a new apartment and says he'll be out by April 1st. I'm stuck paying on this apartment we have now all by myself, I'm going to barely make ends meet. And the worst part is, 5 months ago we moved 1,500 miles away because I always dreamed of living by the beach. And now my dream is ruined because he's here where I always dreamed of being. I wish I could pack up and run away. I am 28yrs old and too old for this kind of crap going on in my life. I need peace. I don't know why this hurts as much as it does. I tried so how to explain why I am so hurt to him. But he will just ignore me and say he isn't looking to argue. I just always ever wanted an apology and some understanding. I know I'm all over the place in this message, I'm so tired. I have absolutely no one here in this new state, I know no one here outside of work and have no friends or family here.

 

I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Can anyone please tell me I'm not going nuts. Because I feel like I am going insane. I've never had someone twist situations so badly into being my fault. And I will admit the worst part, about 2 months ago I snapped, I had had enough-I was so beaten down by him getting angry and upset with me every 10 minutes that I pushed him and slapped him. And he won't let me live it down. I know I shouldn't have, but it feel like I've had someone beating me down everyday for 2 years and I couldn't take another moment. that night I was trying to talk to him and he just kept ignoring me instead of talking it out and I just snapped. I'm losing my mind over this guy. I wish he would just see what he's done to me.

 

It's so hard to get through a work day. I am really struggling. It's torture having him in the apartment waiting for him to move out. But I am dreading when he does because I know I am going to feel so alone and empty and miss the company, even if bad company. I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

[abitbroken]

Why are you even with this guy? He has no motivation - you have to beg him to do even basic adult things like getting a driver's license and all he does is yell at you or act put out all the time. I see no benefit to this relationship other than you have found yourself someone to "fix" if you are into finding men to fix. He is also very cruel to you. If everything is in your name - kick him out. or cancel the bills and move yourself.

[1a1a]

He sounds emotionally abusive. You might find it helpful to read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft (or depressing, I found it depressing. But you say he twists things around until it feels like every argument is your fault, that's a classic abusive trick) /

 

Don't feel bad even for a second, kick this dead weight, mean, loser out of your life.

[MissCanuck]

You're not going crazy.

 

But you do need to get out of this relationship. It's extremely unhealthy and I can tell you from experience that he is not going to suddenly realize what he's done wrong. You're wasting your time, and your self-worth in the process. Look where you are: you have become physically violent. That's a sign this needs to end immediately.

 

He's a man-child. Stop parenting him, and lose the dead weight. This relationship is already over, anyway.

[DrkHrt]

Well, I can only give a perspective from the other side of the coin.

I had similar traits, I lacked motivation and I was moody and overly-sensitive. I wouldn't say to the extent of this guy, my moments were more sporadic and not cruel as such, but more childish. But the difference is, I would always apologise immediately and accept that it was actually my fault.

I wore my ex down. Don't get me wrong, we got along well most of the time other than that. Plus I guess the other difference is that I didn't want to leave my ex.

When he decided in January that he had had enough and it was taking its toll on him, I struggled with this, and continue to struggle with this. I feel terribly guilty because I didn't behave the way that a healthy dynamic requires.

I miss him terribly but I have to accept he is gone.

I think with this guy, he sounds much more troubled than me and seems very unremorseful/inconsiderate of the pain he has caused you. And that right there is kind of the deal breaker.

I am not going to patronise you by telling you this is easy, but this doesn't sound healthy and the best thing you can do is try to emotionally and mentally detach yourself- treat him like a housemate.

Perhaps even look into legal ways of getting him out of the house. If what you're saying is true, he effectively is a lodger who doesn't have the right to be in your home.

It's weird for me to give this advice because I'm kinda speaking from the other side of the fence, but you could do without him. Just like, deep down, I know my ex could do without me.

 

All the best.

[kamurj]

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