Girlfriends trust issues, help?

[schmei]

Hi, I'm .. let's call me Ben.. yeah. I'm Ben.

I'm only 16 years old & my girlfriend is 17 years old.

We've only been together for a bit over three months, and, well, we're already experiencing some issues.

 

...You're in for a long read, I'm sorry.

 

She's pretty recently gotten out of a really, really bad relationship, which has led to her having some trust issues. In short, he cheated on her, he was verbally abusive etc.

Now I would never, EVER do something like that to her. And I'm absolutely certain about that fact. No doubt.

But from the get-go of our relationship, I haven't really been showing that to her.

 

This will get a bit intricate, but I'll do my best.. For starters: We're in the same class. Awesome. *cough* yeah...

So from the school start (August-ish), I met this super nice girl, let's say she's called Emma. In a few days she became my closest friend in the class, the one I'd go to at break and hang out with etc. I was in no way attracted to her at all, I've never been, she was just really nice and friendly to me.

Eventually, while I was still friends with Emma, I became SUPER attracted to my now-girlfriend. We hung out basically all the time at school, and after school.

We had awesome times, and when things started getting more serious between us, I was still basically Emma's closest friend in our class!

I never even thought twice about it, but pretty often me and Emma were hugging. Whether it was when we first met at schooldays, or when we said goodbye; we were just hugging a lot.

 

My now-girlfriend wasn't my girlfriend then, let's call her Abby.

Abby obviously paid attention to the hugging-frenzy, but she didn't speak to me about it. So yet again - I never thought about it.

This is obviously a mistake on my part, but I've never been in a relationship before; so honestly I didn't really know how the whole relationship-thing worked.. I guess I still don't, since I'm here.. Anyway, the hugging wasn't/isn't the problem. The problem is the way me and Emma were friends. It was a really "intimate" friendship. We liked to hug and sometimes I'd even sit in her lap (my back against her belly, of course) when we were sitting on the couches at breaks. It was just our way of showing friendship. Have you ever had that kind of friend? I don't know if it's a common thing, but that was just how we worked, it was so natural. Looking back, it was really dumb. And I just know Abby was observing the whole thing.

 

So still, Abby was putting up with all of this. But when we were at our first party-type thing with some people from the class (Me, Emma, Abby & like, five more), me and Emma were getting a bit too emotional. Throughout the night she constantly babbled on how much she loved me and how much I meant to her as a friend. Obviously, I was really flattered by all of this! I also replied with how much she means to me and all of that, not really being 100% honest but I just wanted to be polite.

So this really upset Abby, we still weren't "official" at the time, but it was still obvious to everyone that we were a couple.

 

We spent the night talking about it, she sort of forgave me. Well, no, she didn't, but she accepted what I'd done. To this day she's still not over that night. Me neither.

Fast forward a bit, basically the thing I did that crossed the line was, while Abby was home, sick from school, I sat in Emmas lap and she gave me a back rub during a lesson.

 

.. That's what I've done. Not really a great impression on a girl who's had a cheating boyfriend..

 

Since those incidents, these three months have passed. If not more, I think.

But, understandably, I've given her a very bad view of who I am as a person. At least in that aspect. Otherwise we are perfect. Like seriously, perfect. We hang out basically every single day, we have our own inside jokes, we're always having fun together, we love each other.

But, she doesn't trust any boy naturally, and what I've done really doesn't help..

 

So.. any advice?

 

I know that I can't change her. I can't change what I've done.

I can't be her "savior" and try to magically fix her problems. I can't do that.

What haunts me is the knowledge of having done those things to her, and that I'll never be able to change it. And that she will never fully forgive me.

 

If any of you have anything to say, any tips, anything at all, please let me know.

[Wiseman2]

Why not just date emma?

[schmei]

because I don't find her attractive, we're no longer good friends, and because I love Abby?

amazing suggestion.

[schmei]

Why not just date emma?

 

because I don't find her attractive, we're no longer good friends, and because I love Abby?

amazing suggestion.

[Dahl]

l sat in Emmas lap and she gave me a back rub during a lesson.

 

..

 

I thought it was an amazing suggestion, as well, OP.