Should I break up with my Boyfriend of 7 years?

[HollyKynaston]

I really don't know whether to break up with my boyfriend or to keep trying to make things work? (Which feels like beating a dead horse.)

 

7 years ago, I had finished school and I went into to a full time job while living with my family. At this point in my life, I'd never had a serious relationship that lasted more than a month, and I'd had not had sex yet because I'm an introvert and making friends is hard enough, let alone someone I trust having intimacy with. Anyway, one day I ran into two guys who were old friends from high school and my soon-to-be boyfriend (let's call him "Matt") asked for my number and to go out with him.

 

After a few dates, nights out with his friends and a lot of flirting, we really connected and we soon became a couple within a year. Everything was fine at first and we were absolutely all loved up with each other, we became inseparable and we shared so many experiences together. He became my first sexual partner and where I was nervous in that department, he made me feel brave and I began to love begin that close to someone. At this present time, we've been living together for 2+ years but since we moved in, things between us have slowly lost their lustre and I have to admit, I haven't been happy with him for a very long time. While we've been living together, he's become lazy like I'm looking after a child, disinterested in any romance with me (and when he does, it feels like he just wants to shut me up,) and he's become distant, like we're just very good friends and I'm here for those times he needs comfort or reassurance. In the same breath, I know he really does love me a lot, and he's the first guy who I've truly opened up to, but whenever I get very upset, he sweeps our problems under the rug and tries to make me smile but most of the time, it only makes the problem worse. We both have our issues that we can't let go of and when we try to sort things out, it only feels like the tension between us gets worse.

 

Now this is the main problem for me, Matt went from a guy who loved having a good sex life with me and keeping the spark between us alive, to a guy who doesn't care about romance or spending time with me, and never wants sex, at all, ever!! This has been such a massive problem for us and I have spent countless nights either arguing about this with him or just silently crying in bed at night, thinking that this may be the end for us. Even when we go on holiday or on a special event, (Valentines or our anniversary) he never initiates sex and seems like he couldn't care less. I've asked him so many times "what's wrong?" or "what can I do to make things better?" and he'll either avoid answering or say "it's just not that important to me." People may say it's selfish but to me, I think a couple who truly love each other should be having sex and he's acting like we're 50! We're in our 20's!! This is the ideal time to have sex in life!! Don't get me wrong, No way am I ready to have babies and we always use birth control but it's not an excuse to never have sex!

 

I've tried being caring and patient towards him, I've tried sitting him down and simply talking about it but he just doesn't care and it's really got me upset over the years. It hurts my self-esteem so much every time he rejects me and it makes me think of a thousand reasons why he doesn't want sex. He denies any excuse I come up with and I feel like I'm hideous, like I'll never be attractive enough for him, plain and simple. Sometimes my frustrations manifests as rage and that just pushes him away even more, or worse we have crappy, pity sex that leaves me feeling more empty and unloved. If I'm being honest, I don't see a future for us if he can't understand how important this is to me and I fear that one day, I'll end up having an affair because he just ignores my feelings and all the good things I do for him.

 

I understand that people are all built differently and not wanting to have sex is a totally fine way to live life, but when you're in a relationship and you're depriving your partner of something they clearly need, is it best to just stop things there? Should I tell him that we just want different things out of a relationship? because honestly, I don't see any other way of changing his view and but at the same time, I know he doesn't want us to break up at all.

 

Please give me some advice if you've had a similar experience.