4 months pregnant and he's leaving me?

[hotlikestyles]

I have posted previous on this site before about the problems in our relationship. I've been with current partner for two years now. 4 months ago we found out we were pregnant and we had a long battle with whether we wanted to keep the baby or not.. we soon decided that together, we would keep it.

 

I told him I wouldn't have this baby if he wasn't gonna be by my side the whole of the way. I don't want my child living in two separate homes. We have both grew up in families where our parents still live together and have been happily married for 25+ years. He has always spoke to me about our future and said it's what he wants.

 

The baby wasn't planned and it was a shock, but together we knew we could do it. So we went ahead and we started planning. His parents were able to give him money for a deposit for a house, so within two months we had a house. We got the keys for it last week. My boyfriend was going to London for the weekend with his friend this weekend.

 

Things have been a bit rough the last couple weeks because I'm hormonal, and he is starting to realise his life is never gonna be the same. He's the kind that likes his own space and likes to do his own thing. We have always spoke about the baby and planned it out etc and we have been away house shopping and buying everything for the house. We almost have everything we need and we were thinking about moving out in about 6 weeks after it's all decorated..

 

We had a scan on Friday and we found out we were having a baby girl. He didn't show much interest and this made me quite upset. I feel like he hadn't been supporting me that much or really interested about the baby as much as he could be.

 

So basically, we had a few arguments etc and then we patched it up, like couples do. Everything was good on Saturday morning, he woke me and we had sex and then he was getting ready to leave. I said love you and enjoy your weekend and I'll see him on Monday and he said the same.

 

Then all of a sudden a few hours later I was getting texts saying we need to talk and we will talk about it on Monday when he's back. I said no I needed to know now as I'm stressed as it is and I don't understand what he meant. He then came out with saying he doesn't want to be with me anymore and that I won't be moving in with him.

 

We both knew this house was going to be in his name because his parents were buying it, but it was for the BOTH of us. His parents done it for the two of us. Everyone in my family is aware of this and no one has had any concerns because there was no need to have any as we are happy and excited for our baby coming.

 

Boom? I don't understand. I said to him why is he doing this to me? He says he's not happy and he hasn't been happy for over two months. I said he hasn't said anything to me about this, he just kept excusing this and trying to make excuses saying I wouldn't listen. I would listen. He doesn't tell me anything anyway. i went into panic mode.

 

Where am I going to live? How am I going to cope? What will my parents think? Everything began to crumble and I was scared. He started ignoring me and telling me to leave him alone. I said I can't leave you alone you have just dropped this bomb shell on me and I'm not sure what I am meant to do now? I said should I tell my mum about this now?

 

He says do what you want. I didn't understand what he meant by this as he had just told me he didn't want to be with me. He has done this a few times in the past and he never goes through with it. He's went through with it once only, and then he came running back.

 

This time is different, I am relying on him for everything, the house, money, being there for me to support me. I am in my 2nd year of nursing at university and I will be taking a year out and going back when the baby is 1 years old. My partner is my drive for this and he wants me to do well, without him I feel like I won't be able to do it. Yes my family can support me and help, but it won't be the same.

 

I have five months to go and now I'm alone. He has ignored me all weekend, I have not known when he's coming home. I have messaged his mum and asked her when, and she has been normal with me, talking about the house etc so I don't think he's said anything to them. I'm so scared right now because I don't know if he has just done this while he's been away, to get back at me for no reason and if he has any intention of going through with it?

 

He knows I wouldn't tell anyone until I knew he was certain. I've been clear of him the past two days and I haven't text but he hasn't bothered to text me either. Not even to ask if I'm okay. Anything could have happened. He's been 9 hours away and I haven't been able to do anything. All I've done all weeekend is worry about my future and my baby's future because he promised that he would be here for the both of us. I never imagined I would have to do this on my own and I didn't want it without him.

 

What does this mean and why is he doing it?

[FreedomRing]

What an immature creep. How many times has he done this before? Those were your red flags to consider before getting permanently tied to him... How old are you both?

 

Look, now is NOT the time for you to focus tour attention on him. Ypu need to be as stress free as possible for your baby girl. She's dependent on Mommy being healthy, eating and resting well. So go ahead and lean on YOUR family. Tell them your future with baby daddy is uncertain, and you really need their support right now. Don't move in with him...get your things, and move in with your parents. You need consistency and stability and to be around people who are reliable. None of which this bf can provide, since he pulls stunts like this before.

[hotlikestyles]

He's not done this since we have decided to keep the baby. Things have been really good and I have been totally unaware of any unhappiness. We are both 21. I haven't been able to eat or sleep and I'm making myself feel ill. I can't do this without him, and I never wanted to. I have tried to speak to his sister about it but she doesn't seem interested. I feel his family will just take his side over it anyway. No one knows how I feel or how much he has destroyed me inside with this. I never ever saw this coming and that's the problem.

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry this happened, OP.

 

It seems you are not going to be able to rely on him after all. He might be scared to become a father, but he doesn't seem to get he can't just shut you out and run away. He made this baby too, and sooner or later he's going to have to take some responsibility for it.

 

I would speak to your own family now. Hard as it is, you will need to start working with them in re-establishing yourself. I would take support from his family off the table, because if you're not a couple they likely won't be able to or willing to do so much for you. You're probably right that his mom knows nothing about this yet. I realize he hasn't done this since you decided to keep the baby, but that's unfortunately not saying much. You two didn't appear to have a very solid relationship if he's dropped you like this even once before. People who do that just aren't invested.

 

This is going to take a heck of a lot of emotional strength from you, OP. This is why I said you are going to need your own family's support. Your (ex?) boyfriend is showing you he's irresponsible and immature, and you will likely find yourselves co-parenting the child apart, rather than as a couple.

 

Hugs to you, girl. You deserve so much more.

[Billie28]

From your previous posts about this guy, he was never committed to you in the first place. Yet you ignored everyone's advice. Why is that?

 

Now, with a baby due, your life will be intertwined with a guy that was never 100% invested. Sorry to sound harsh but that's the consequence of ignoring red flags and advice.

 

A child never cements a failing relationship and in fact does the opposite.

 

So, what to do now? I think you need to resign to the fact that you will be a single mum but not view that so negatively.

 

You should stop trying to get his parents and family involved. They can't convince him to commit to you and even if they did, it wouldn't be true committment from him. He is an individual with his own mind and goals irrelevant of what anyone else thinks. It's also a little disrespectful to go behind his back like that. Regardless of his treatment towards you.

 

You both lack proper communication skills and your threat to tell your parents of his decision was merely that.

 

You are far too incompatible to be in a healthy relationship, let's hope you can at least work on improving communication so that at least you both can do best for the child. That is your priority right now and will be for the next 18 years.

 

Stop trying to mask your issues by saying you are hormonal because the issues were there well before you were.

 

Talk to your own friends and family.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Where do you live now? Unfortunately it sounds like he was never on board with becoming a family. He has also left the relationship several times and seems to want to be single.

 

Turn to your family for support and plan on living with them and being a single mom.

we had a long battle with whether we wanted to keep the baby or not.. The baby wasn't planned and it was a shock. He then came out with saying he doesn't want to be with me anymore and that I won't be moving in with him. He says he's not happy and he hasn't been happy for over two months.He started ignoring me and telling me to leave him alone.He has done this a few times in the past and he never goes through with it.Yes my family can support me and help, but it won't be the same

[youngwoman]

This is why you should be careful who you have a baby with. I don't have these baby daddy problems and I always make sure to protect myself even if I am with someone long term. If you can't take care of the baby yourself, you can always put your baby up for adoption and start fresh away from your ex.

 

If they show signs of being unsure, don't go and have his baby. The only way a person will be kept is if he wants to be kept around. You can't force him to stay with a baby.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

When I read your boyfriend's actions, what came to mind was: "He needs space and doesn't know how to ask for it".

 

Learning how to ask for space is a real necessity for some people. Otherwise this pattern of getting frustrated, then suddenly pushing loved ones away can become a pattern. It's confusing (I'm speaking from experience).

 

Assuming that this is a temporary situation, when he comes back perhaps you can raise this subject. Perhaps he's not ready to live full time with you yet. Perhaps over the next five months you could live in the house full time and he could come and go.

 

I'm probably projecting but I'm going to assume he's a good guy suffering from conflicting emotions. A house is a HUGE commitment, without even talking about a long-term relationship, and of course the biggest of all is a baby. It's real 'fight or flight' territory.

 

I really feel for you. Give each other a break- you're under a massive amount of pressure. Perhaps you need to take it a little slower and of course be clear of your other resources and support network.

[Bubblegum2991]

I was in the same situation with my current fiancé when I was pregnant with our first born son. Let me tell you know, it doesn't usually get better.

 

I know that in my case it certainly hasn't. At first he resented me for getting pregnant, and then he resented me for being stuck with us. At some point he decided he loved me and our family and wanted to make it work. But by that time I resented him a lot for everything that happened before hand. Now we are like a rollercoaster. When one of us is content, the other is a mess. We never seem to fully find peace.

 

So, you are going to do what you are going to do. But I personally advise that you get your own space. I advise that you learn to be on your own with that baby, and if he wants to work on being with you, that he does so from a distance until you both feel absolutely sure.

 

One baby is do-able, but the further you dig yourself into that whole, the harder it will be to get out

[Belgian girl]

Best wishes. Guess he is obligated to contribute money for the child