Raised hand - not first time

[Mercurycruz]

Hello, I am new and need advice. Last week my husband raised his hand to hit me. I slapped him as a reaction, my mother was abused by my father and I used to see it so I have intense reactions, but I apologized. The next day he felt horrible and has been on his best behavior since...he even did the dishes...but this isn't the first time he's physically done something scary. One time he threw a gallon water jug at my head. He was upset that I had a knee injury and said I was acting like a little . Another time he accused me of cheating, I wasn't, and physically blocked me from leaving the house.

 

The thing that really bothers me is that his mother was killed by an abusive boyfriend. I have tried so hard to get him to talk about things in therapy but he says that he runs out of things to talk about. Last week when he almost hit me, he had therapy earlier that day.

 

If he does not go to therapy this week to at least try to be honest and make things better, I feel like I don't have much of a choice in taking measures further.

 

He gets really mad anytime I hang out with friends, he goes through my phone, has wild, unfounded accusations, and I am afraid that it will just get worse. Especially since he won't be honest or open in therapy.

 

I think I may need a lawyer. Any help is appreciated.

[angrythoughts]

He sounds psycho and scary... this could grow into something dangerous so it's probably in your best interest to leave him. He's possessive over you and it's not good.

[Wiseman2]

Of course you already know you are in an abusive relationship. Therapy won't help, it's an act and then as you know they go back to being abusive. You don't need a lawyer you need to contact a domestic violence agency.

 

Can you stay with friends/family? Do you work? Have your own money? Car? Do not threaten to leave openly. Silently plan your exit by secretly lining everything up.

Last week my husband raised his hand to hit me.

this isn't the first time he's physically done something scary.

One time he threw a gallon water jug at my head.

physically blocked me from leaving the house.

He gets really mad anytime I hang out with friends,

he goes through my phone, has wild, unfounded accusations

[Ery1988]

get out quick! ... and be careful...as soon as you will leave him his controlling behaviour will probably kick in to stop you ...

my ex never really raised his hand at me and was very controlling. until I tried to leave he became aggressive, violent and an obsessive stalker! things got very bad, with police and restraining orders....

[Mercurycruz]

Thank you for the responses. We both live in a travel trailer in his dad's side yard (rent is ridiculous here). We do not have a vehicle that can tow the trailer yet, but I could rent one. I just don't have anywhere else to park it. That would be the biggest hurdle as I don't have any friends or family that I can stay with.

 

I work and have my own car, my job does not pay much, but since I have no rent, it would probably be enough to get by.

 

I am going to talk to my mom on Thursday and see what she has to say. She left my abusive father in the middle of the night when I was 2 so I know she will have some insights to share.

 

He left me a note this morning saying that that night changed him and he's going to treat my better but I know those promises are all just part of the abuse cycle.

[Wiseman2]

Forget the trailer. Just develop an exit plan by talking to a domestic violence agency who can help you with tips, legal advice and assistance regarding divorce, counseling, housing assistance, food stamps medical care etc.

 

Just go. You have no kids, run. You have a car and a job so one day just pack up and go to your friends, family whoever can help. Don't stay to avoid rent and living in a creepy trailer with an abuser. You can do better than this.

I work and have my own car, my job does not pay much, but since I have no rent, it would probably be enough to get by. I am going to talk to my mom on Thursday and see what she has to say. She left my abusive father in the middle of the night when I was 2 so I know she will have some insights to share.

[Ery1988]

its scary. my ex was normal from an affluent family.

i ended up running away. the police were of little help because he was so clever and manipulating.

it was impossible for me to get out and I had money! i paid for lawyers and restraining orders thousands and it did not help...he still pursued me, and even i ended up getting arrested becuase all he wanted to do was ruin my life.

its been 6 months since im living in my new house...and live is peaceful for now....

DONT UNDERESTIMATE HIM, EXPECT THE WORST and protect yourself