Perfect man except his voice?

[Hergs143]

Blurb: I met this guy "Jake" online. We clicked immediately. We met in person three weeks ago and he is everything I could ask for in a man. Handsome, great job, great body and he treats me so incredibly well. He is also extremely old school romantic which I love. We have been intimate and it was amazing. He is a total giver. He's perfect...except his voice. He has a very "gay" sounding voice. I know this sounds incredibly shallow and I hate myself for thinking this way but deep down I think we're all a little shallow. I can't yet get passed his voice. Is this something that i may need to end the relationship for if I can't get over it? If so, how do I even start? I hate this because he is such a great, caring guy. I've tried getting used to it but it's hard. I've never brought it up to him and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to bring it up. My one friend said that many men with "gay" voices end up being gay. I don't know the accuracy of that however, it makes me worried that If I one day married this guy and had children, that 25 years down the road he would come out! I think I'm overreacting a bit. But I'm nervous about introducing him to family and friends because of his voice!

What do do?

Sincerely, Shallow Gal

[angrythoughts]

I don't think that's shallow. Usually guys with gay sounding voices are gay... I mean I've never met a guy who's straight with that kind of accent lol. If you can't look past it now then you never will. I would end things... as harsh as it sounds you can't force yourself to look past certain things. I wouldn't be able to look past something like that myself.

[dias]

Break up! I don't think you are shallow. I mean we all have "something" that is a deal breaker. A manly voice in a perfect woman would be a deal breaker for sure. To each his own..

[Andrina]

Don't feel bad about what you don't inherently like. I know a guy who couldn't get past a woman's weird bellybutton when she otherwise looked like a model. I listened to a voicemail from a guy my friend went on a few dates with, and I couldn't stand his high pitched voice. I also went on an online date with a guy, and when we ate lunch, I felt that his eating movements looked feminine to me and I never went out with him again.

 

If something makes you cringe about a guy, I'd say it has to be the end. You really wouldn't want to be with someone if you found out they felt the same about you, would you? It is frustrating to date someone who ticks all the boxes except for one major one. I've been there.

[MrSweetHarmony]

My opinion, the sound of his voice is actually a big sign things won't work out. I know it might seem a small thing to some but I can know a lot about a person's character just by listening to them as they speak words and sometimes some people speak nicely in the start of getting to know them completely and eventually turn nasty.

[mustlovedogs]

Think of the other things that could be dealbreakers. Too messy, too loud, chews loudly while he eats...

 

Those are basically personality traits. Changeable perhaps, but not really. Because yours feels like something he can't change you feel guilty. In reality, all dealbreakers are things they can't change which is why we just call them incompatibilities.

 

I wouldn't feel shallow!

[MrSweetHarmony]

Think of the other things that could be dealbreakers. Too messy, too loud, chews loudly while he eats...

 

Those are basically personality traits. Changeable perhaps, but not really. Because yours feels like something he can't change you feel guilty. In reality, all dealbreakers are things they can't change which is why we just call them incompatibilities.

 

I wouldn't feel shallow!

 

I'm sure most women would prefer a man speak in a masculine way, it's nature my friend.

[chitown9]

I think that you have a very legitimate concern. You are not being shallow. He may not be gay, but it sounds like his voice sounds effeminate. His voice is not something he can change, so I would not bring it up to him. He is not really perfect. You may not ever find the perfect man, but for you, this is not acceptable and it is not going to change. You need to find someone who while is not flawless, but has flaws that you can overlook. This is not one of them. chi

[itsallgrand]

I mean, if you are already worrying about his sexual orientation being something other than he is presenting to you, and him coming out to you and the kids on your 20 th wedding anniversary, you probably shouldn't pursue this. Lol. I'm laughing at this, not because I'm judging you, but because it obviously bothers you a great deal if you've had thoughts like that and are worried about introducing him to people - that won't work .

 

And given more time, you'd find out more 'flaws'. We all have them, none of us are perfect. There are women who won't feel this way you do because of his voice, may even find it endearing, so don't feel guilty. It's just not a match- that's dating for ya.

[MrSweetHarmony]

The character expressed in a man's voice at one time can be changed and become better, I have experienced this, I am the man who changed in character and my voice changed and I'm fully mature.

[mustlovedogs]

The character expressed in a man's voice at one time can be changed and become better, I have experienced this, I am the man who changed in character and my voice changed and I'm fully mature.

 

But implying her boyfriend should change his voice is no different from telling someone "I'll only continue to date you if you lose weight".

[MrSweetHarmony]

But implying her boyfriend should change his voice is no different from telling someone "I'll only continue to date you if you lose weight".

 

I have had no interest in advising telling the boyfriend to change his voice for the sake of the relationship, I imagine he would be highly offended, I would not recommend doing that, my opinion is that they are incompatible, full stop.

[j.man]

If you think about it, dating is like the one context you're allowed to be a completely shallow and discriminatory ***hole. It's kinda the point. I can't date a woman who's got a gummy smile. Don't know what it is, but it just turns me off completely. She could be perfect in every other way. Now I could never dream of even trying to defend it as an objective standard, but it is what it is.

 

I'm a bit biased when it comes to effeminate voices. I've got two uncles who are gay and whose voices are several octaves below mine even if I've got the flu. Consequently have never really associated the higher / softer tone with "gayness" and admittedly (and prejudicially) just kinda see it as "weird," gay or straight. And I've actually got a completely straight friend who sounds like that. Wife's a 10 and he just built an engine. Kinda schools me in every "man" department. Maybe the voice is actually the key? Who knows.

 

In any case, I'd like to think it'd be relatively easy to discern whether someone's considering you as a beard or as a partner, frequency and enthusiasm of physical / sexual activity probably chief among the variables, but even if it's just the fact you don't like his voice and not so much the implications behind it, it's perfectly acceptable to nix him.

 

Try not to think so much, especially early on. If it's not right, it's not right. Dating gets unfun real fast once you start guilting yourself over your tastes.

[MrSweetHarmony]

If you think about it, dating is like the one context you're allowed to be a completely shallow and discriminatory ***hole. It's kinda the point. I can't date a woman who's got a gummy smile. Don't know what it is, but it just turns me off completely. She could be perfect in every other way. Now I could never dream of even trying to defend it as an objective standard, but it is what it is.

 

I'm a bit biased when it comes to effeminate voices. I've got two uncles who are gay and whose voices are several octaves below mine even if I've got the flu. Consequently have never really associated the higher / softer tone with "gayness" and admittedly (and prejudicially) just kinda see it as "weird," gay or straight. And I've actually got a completely straight friend who sounds like that. Wife's a 10 and he just built an engine. Kinda schools me in every "man" department. Maybe the voice is actually the key? Who knows.

 

In any case, I'd like to think it'd be relatively easy to discern whether someone's considering you as a beard or as a partner, frequency and enthusiasm of physical / sexual activity probably chief among the variables, but even if it's just the fact you don't like his voice and not so much the implications behind it, it's perfectly acceptable to nix him.

 

Try not to think so much, especially early on. If it's not right, it's not right. Dating gets unfun real fast once you start guilting yourself over your tastes.

 

A man can speak in a masculine way and be gentle in the way he speaks but he can also be annoyed AND DISCIPLINE A PERSON WITH HIS WORDS LOL

 

I personally find an effeminate voice to be very weak but I know that's my taste.

[Matt3939]

I'm really surprised about this post. I never even really thought that it was a huge thing. I was told in my last relationship my voice is to deep and commanding and that it's a sign I'd cheat more. Couldn't be farther from the truth. I do hear where you are coming from though. My cousin Ive only seen him a couple times in my life. He showed up at the door I was in the other room. My father was dealing with him. I was convinced it was a gay guy he was maybe 15 or 16. He's now been married twice so who really knows. How is your bfs body language? That would be a decent clue. You said you have had sex and he's a giver so he doesn't sound like he's grossed out with the opposite sex at a all. I know a guy at a restaurant sounds like micky mouse and he said he has a gf. Like others have said you know you if you can't get by this then it is what it is. Good luck

[MrSweetHarmony]

I'm really surprised about this post. I never even really thought that it was a huge thing. I was told in my last relationship my voice is to deep and commanding and that it's a sign I'd cheat more. Couldn't be farther from the truth. I do hear where you are coming from though. My cousin Ive only seen him a couple times in my life. He showed up at the door I was in the other room. My father was dealing with him. I was convinced it was a gay guy he was maybe 15 or 16. He's now been married twice so who really knows. How is your bfs body language? That would be a decent clue. You said you have had sex and he's a giver so he doesn't sound like he's grossed out with the opposite sex at a all. I know a guy at a restaurant sounds like micky mouse and he said he has a gf. Like others have said you know you if you can't get by this then it is what it is. Good luck

 

Yeah, from what she has said, she wants a kind man and one that speaks with a manly voice. Why should she settle for second best ?

[Matt3939]

She can do whatever she wants. I was just commenting. She could also fall in love with someone who gets throat cancer from hpv from being to giving to the wrong person. Then gets surgery and needs a voice box. Or someone who buys skeletor's castle from he-man off ebay. And becomes obsessed with the voice changing microphone.

[MrSweetHarmony]

She can do whatever she wants. I was just commenting. She could also fall in love with someone who gets throat cancer from hpv from being to giving to the wrong person. Then gets surgery and needs a voice box. Or someone who buys skeltors castle from he-man off ebay. And becomes obsessed with the voice changing microphone.

 

lol ok Matt whatever

[j.man]

Matt3939 proves with every post why he has earned his position as my favorite user on these forums.

 

Every time I think "there's NO WAY this man could get any more out of control..." BAM, barriers shattered.

[MrSweetHarmony]

Matt3939 proves with every post why he has earned his position as my favorite user on these forums.

 

lol I love Matt too

[katrina1980]

We like what we like. I don't like Australisn accents, could never date a man with that accent. So if you don't like his voice, that is your choice.

[MrSweetHarmony]

Matt3939 proves with every post why he has earned his position as my favorite user on these forums.

 

Every time I think "there's NO WAY this man could get any more out of control..." BAM, barriers shattered.

 

Yes, a lot of love is needed.

[Wiseman2]

Take it or leave it. If it's a turn off then end it. Don't worry about marrying a closeted gay man, it sounds like you'll be single a long long long time.

He has a very "gay" sounding voice. I've never brought it up to him and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to bring it up. My one friend said that many men with "gay" voices end up being gay.

[HeartGoesOn]

I can only speak for myself, but isn't a 3 week time frame a bit soon to warrant a judgement of that magnitude?

[boltnrun]

I have a friend who is lesbian and we have this male coworker who she insists is gay based on his voice. She said there is absolutely no doubt; he is gay.

 

He just got married recently (to a woman) and he and his new wife cannot keep their hands off one another.

 

So much for assuming a man's sexuality based on his voice.