EllaAugustine Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 Please read I know it's long, but I really need help. My ex boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me over 2 months ago. He is 21 and I am 19. I initiated NC right after we broke. No begging no chasing no mess. We started chatting civil for another month. We were at a party last night, I genuinely went to have fun, I did not want to think about him. But as the night went on people started teasing us, they opened up his wallet and found a picture of me inside and all the emotions just seeped back. He was about to leave and just as he was about to get into the cab I was there before him. He opened his arms for a hug and I went in for it. And for the first time, he saw how the break up affected me. I cried and asked him "why?" We sat by the curb then he wrapped his arms around me and wiped my tears. Soon, we were laughing and joking and catching up on life. He said he really missed me and that he thought I was okay, that it was hard on him as well. He intertwined our fingers together and he never let go even if i asked to wipe my clammy hands. We walked this long road going to mcdonalds. We were sooo happy laughing about anything and teasing each other. He even gave me a ride on his back halfway through. At mcdonalds, he was hugging me from behind as we ordered our food and we were swaying and dancing against each other. Then we got back to the curb. I asked him what was all this, what now? Do we pretend like it never happened? or talk? He said he was so confused, he doesn't know what he wants. There's just so much going on in his life, he doesn't know if it's the right time. He walked my to my car and before I left, he kissed me. I got a text later on asking me if I got home. I replied, and that was it. What do I do now...? Please someone reply I know it's long. I don't know what love is but I know what I'm feeling is genuine and if this is what it is, then he would be my first love, I want to be with him, more than anything.
angrythoughts Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 Do nothing and see what his move is. He said he was confused and didn't know if this was right for him right now... if he wants to be with you he'll come around but DO NOT CHASE HIM!
sunsetlover Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 Just wait and see, do not initiate contact or start acting clingy. If he want you, he'll make the next move
EllaAugustine Posted March 5, 2017 Author Posted March 5, 2017 He broke it off last January 7. 2 months ago!
MissCanuck Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 He broke it off last January 7. 2 months ago! Yes, but my question was why.
Wiseman2 Posted March 5, 2017 Posted March 5, 2017 Sorry to hear this. It sounds like he still cares but unfortunately still gave you the "confused" excuse again. Try not to hang out and go no contact. let him miss you and experience life without you. What's going on in his life and why did you break up? Does he want to play the field?I asked him what was all this, what now? Do we pretend like it never happened? or talk? He said he was so confused, he doesn't know what he wants. There's just so much going on in his life, he doesn't know if it's the right time.
EllaAugustine Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 We don't argue a lot but one day we had a big one. About him spending so many hours with his friends and not giving me some time, since I was going through some things at home and I needed some company. After 2 days of not talking he broke up with me. He said that it was the right thing to do because he didn't want to keep hurting me anymore, that I deserved better. I went NC after that. Radio silence. I picked up so many reasons from mutual friends, but they are only assumptions based on the little info they got from my ex's stories. That he felt pressured about the relationship, that he wanted to enjoy being young and free, that he was always worried and thinking about me he forgets to have fun, that there's just so much going on in his life with his thesis and organizations that it's all too much, that he fell out of it but he doesn't want to close the doors and he's not sure if we're getting back together but he loves me still.
EllaAugustine Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 We don't argue a lot but one day we had a big one. About him spending so many hours with his friends and not giving me some time, since I was going through some things at home and I needed some company. After 2 days of not talking he broke up with me. He said that it was the right thing to do because he didn't want to keep hurting me anymore, that I deserved better. I went NC after that. Radio silence. I picked up so many reasons from mutual friends, but they are only assumptions based on the little info they got from my ex's stories. That he felt pressured about the relationship, that he wanted to enjoy being young and free, that he was always worried and thinking about me he forgets to have fun, that there's just so much going on in his life with his thesis and organizations that it's all too much, that he fell out of it but he doesn't want to close the doors and he's not sure if we're getting back together but he loves me still. I went NC for a month and went civil for the next month very subtly. Liking posts and saying hi to each other. An occasional formal chat about matters not about our relationship or friendship. So the whole thing after the party was the first emotional and acknowledgement of the break up. I'm in NC again, day 1 I guess. I can do it, no big deal if it means that it will be a good move. Thank you soo much for replying!
nutbrownhare Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 The kind of situation you had at the party demonstrates very clearly the importance of NC - not just for a month, but until you've really moved on from the breakup and can see each other without any strong emotions. It's absolutely heartrending, and the whole incident will have set back any healing you had managed to achieve. It sounds as though he was finding you too needy and demanding, so it's doubly important now that you DON'T chase him or make any contact with him. If he does want to come back, he will. If he doesn't, you'll know soon enough. Either way, you need to put yourself first now, and concentrate on your own healing. If he just wants to hang out, tell him (in whatever way fits for you) that you'd rather not hear from him unless he wants to rekindle the relationship. Don't put yourself through this kind of heartache again.
reinventmyself Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 It sounds like nothing much has changed. He states now what he did before. . that he has a lot going on. No doubt he misses you too. . whether or not it's enough to go on is up to him. I know it's hard . . but you need to sit this one out. He knows where to find you.
EllaAugustine Posted March 10, 2017 Author Posted March 10, 2017 Hi guys, thanks for all the replies. He has been messaging me and initiating contact. It's small talk, we haven't talked about that night. I'm not expecting anything really, but I'm making sure I keep the conversation relaxed by not sounding too enthusiastic. Should I just play it out.. maybe play hard to get? Or should I outright ask him about what this whole thing is? Friends...? etc. Also, I forgot to add that a the party, I asked him if he wanted me to let him go. He said he didn't know.
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