Seeking advice on trust

[Amber123]

Hi,

 

I tend to have trust issues to begin with as I've been hurt before and lied to in my past relationships. I finally met a guy that was amazing to me and I felt I could spend the rest of my life with. We've been together for almost a year and a half. He goes on business trips for work about 5 times a year which is very difficult for me. He goes to Vegas for a work conference every year which always lands around his birthday so I went with him this year. Not once did he mention that he was going to meet women clients for drinks in Vegas nor any other business trip. Yesterday I read a text from Vegas 3 months ago of a girl who is a client of his saying bag she is outside of the hotel and is ready for that drink and he's saying okay coming out of the conference. He tells me that he had to come outside of the conference because she didn't have a pass and that they were at the slot machines talking business having a drink. When I asked him why he didn't disclose this information to me when he saw me a few hours later that night,he said he didn't feel like he had to tell me as he has meetings with girls and guys on work trips all the time. He's always said that its 90% dudes in his industry and has never disclosed him going out for meeting with clients from the opposite sex before and I was devastated to find out in the way that I did. I believe him when he says nothing happened sexually and that it's all for work but I feel like I can't fully trust him now and is wondering if he's lying with omission in other ways. Am I over reacting?

[Dahl]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

My take is that he didn't specify the gender of the people he interacted with because it didn't matter to him. To borrow from the old adage about indifference being the opposite of love.. I'd say you're in the clear!

 

Cheers.

[Matt3939]

I'd say either it didn't at all matter to him. Or your insecurity has came up before and he just didn't tell you because of it cause he has to work. Example I pretty much work alone. Well a client bought me and one of her workers lunch. I told my ex at the time cause it was no big deal. I didnt see how it could be. We even ate at the site. Well this turned into me having relationsin her head. Just because it was a female.

[SherrySher]

It makes sense that he would have male and female clients. It doesn't sound like he tried to keep this from you, it sounds like it wasn't significant enough to mention. I think you're worrying for nothing.

[holistic17]

He didn't mention it to you because it was insignificant and didn't matter. There was nothing in it. Why should he have to tell you every time he has a female client? That screams of your insecurities and I have to be honest when I say this, if you don't work on your own trust issues and continue suspecting him, he will get tired of it and walk away from you. You need to be a strong minded and independent woman so that you are capable of having a healthy relationship. He obviously sees something special in you, so don't screw it up by bringing your past emotional wounds to this relationship. Don't tar him with the same brush as others. Let go of your need to know everything and control. Focus on how you can be the best woman you can be, not only for him but for you.

[MrSweetHarmony]

I'm in the habit of knowing a person enough before knowing if I can trust them or not.

[nutbrownhare]

I'd be more worried if he'd mentioned that he was seeing female clients - because that would mean that he was seeing them as females, as well as just people to do business with. He didn't mention it before because it wasn't relevant.

 

I wouldn't worry if I were you!

[Tonee]

Sounds like a non-issue to me. I think you're okay. Good luck.