30 days no contact. Am I where I need to be?

[Bob2526]

I'll try and keep it short. Anyway I'm 34 years old and she is 25. We were together for 9 months. Tomorrow will be 30 days of no contact. She did call me two weeks ago and it was strictly work related and she has since left the company. Tonight I was to attend a wedding and the reception. We have mutual friends but I decided that I would not be attending because i have been healing and doing better. Seeing her and

Talking to her may set me back and I know I'm still not over it. The break up happened in late December and she ended it. I understood why and it wasn't an ugly break if such a thing exists. Again, I have been doing a lot better but I still find myself wondering about her and wanting to text or call her. It's not as bad as it was early on after the break up but i still get that urge. I guess that she's not fully out of my system. I know I can't because it would only set me back. I have been doing a lot better on my own and I know I'm not ready to date.

 

I guess I just needed to let this out. Is it normal that I still think about her and have that urge to call or text her every now and then? I still dream about her. Should I extend no contact for another 30 days? I'm trying to move on and I wish I could fast forward my life. It does seem that things get a little easier as time goes on. I'd appreciate any advice.

[The_Seeker]

I'll try and keep it short. Anyway I'm 34 years old and she is 25. We were together for 9 months. Tomorrow will be 30 days of no contact. She did call me two weeks ago and it was strictly work related and she has since left the company. Tonight I was to attend a wedding and the reception. We have mutual friends but I decided that I would not be attending because i have been healing and doing better. Seeing her and

Talking to her may set me back and I know I'm still not over it. The break up happened in late December and she ended it. I understood why and it wasn't an ugly break if such a thing exists. Again, I have been doing a lot better but I still find myself wondering about her and wanting to text or call her. It's not as bad as it was early on after the break up but i still get that urge. I guess that she's not fully out of my system. I know I can't because it would only set me back. I have been doing a lot better on my own and I know I'm not ready to date.

 

I guess I just needed to let this out. Is it normal that I still think about her and have that urge to call or text her every now and then? I still dream about her. Should I extend no contact for another 30 days? I'm trying to move on and I wish I could fast forward my life. It does seem that things get a little easier as time goes on. I'd appreciate any advice.

 

Hi Bob!

 

If you really want to move on, you do not text or call her.

 

Please note, just because your ex is the same place as you are, that doesn't mean you do not have the right attend. That's like saying when your ex was at your place, you have to remove stuff she touched. See, how funny that sounds? LOL That would mean you would destroy your home less than a second because her germs are all over the place.

 

Also, if someone does not want you, why are you fighting so hard to keep in contact?

 

IT IS NORMAL TO THINK ABOUT HER. HOWEVER, it is not normal to communicate when you are trying to move on.

 

Be STRONG. I know you are still in love with her. But trust me, that love is going to be replaced by another love.

 

Focus on improving yourself. Achieve your goals. Design the life that you want and make it happen.

 

Besides, you have like 66 years to go. MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT.

[angrythoughts]

You're doing pretty well for 30 days. If you're trying to contact her already that means you want her back. I think 30 days is way too soon... and honestly the point of the no contacr rule is to move on. Even if you don't move on completely at least be in a place where you can accept rejection if you do try to rekindle.

 

Definitely give it some more time. 30 days is too short of time.

[holistic17]

You're doing a great job so far. To reach out will undo every day of effort you have made in the last 30. I'm in a similar situation. I had to end my year long relationship 6 weeks ago as he didn't want marriage or children. So hard to walk away and just as hard to keep away. I actually broke the no contact rule last week and decided to politely text him as there was a film on TV that we had originally watched together when we started dating. I included a "hope you're getting on ok" at the end. His reply? "Haha. Nice. Yes thanyou". My heart was crushed all over again. Although I know texts can be interpreted several different ways, it had an awful effect on me. He didn't seem to care or even ask how I was. That was my closure and it took me a few days to get back onto my little recovery path where I had left off before I sent that text. So my advice, it isn't worth reaching out at all. You won't get any reassurance from it. Continue your healing and move forwards. Best of luck.

[Bob2526]

You're doing pretty well for 30 days. If you're trying to contact her already that means you want her back. I think 30 days is way too soon... and honestly the point of the no contacr rule is to move on. Even if you don't move on completely at least be in a place where you can accept rejection if you do try to rekindle.

 

Definitely give it some more time. 30 days is too short of time.

 

Thanks for the comment. I have been trying to move on and I have been doing better. I will give it more time and maybe she does reach out and I will not wait for her. I guess I have been trying to get to the point where I could accept any rejection.

[Bob2526]

You're doing a great job so far. To reach out will undo every day of effort you have made in the last 30. I'm in a similar situation. I had to end my year long relationship 6 weeks ago as he didn't want marriage or children. So hard to walk away and just as hard to keep away. I actually broke the no contact rule last week and decided to politely text him as there was a film on TV that we had originally watched together when we started dating. I included a "hope you're getting on ok" at the end. His reply? "Haha. Nice. Yes thanyou". My heart was crushed all over again. Although I know texts can be interpreted several different ways, it had an awful effect on me. He didn't seem to care or even ask how I was. That was my closure and it took me a few days to get back onto my little recovery path where I had left off before I sent that text. So my advice, it isn't worth reaching out at all. You won't get any reassurance from it. Continue your healing and move forwards. Best of luck.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing. I will continue healing. I just hope I'm not stuck in this phase for too long. I'm also wondering if I should try and start dating again. An earlier poster said that I'm still in love with her and I may well be. Sometimes I wonder if I was just in love with the idea of her and having someone to text and talk with all the time. I'm sure it will get easier. Again I'll give it more time.