hung up on someone i shouldn't be

[Maddyb12]

hello all. Lately ive been feeling very lonely (as stated in my last thread) and my mind is always wandering to the same person... who I know I shouldn't be hung up on. We spoke for months via texts, phone calls, facetime and we met through match but he always seemed to be "too busy" to make an effort to actually spend time together... so I ended it explaining I didn't want a phone only relationship. we live in an hour and a half apart, hes not married or dating someone else... even though that seems like the obvious reason for him to not make an effort to get together but none the less incredibly busy as am I but he wasn't willing to put an effort in so we ended communication. when we did he explained his regret for not making more of an effort but that he isn't in a place to be there for someone emotionally because his work and teams are his priority. I am incredibly busy but was still willing to put the effort in to make time but anyways he wasn't. We aren't communicating, I briefly "dated" a coworker after this but for whatever reason my mind still goes to him. Im guessing a huge part of it is because we didn't actually spend time together that I idealized it in my head that he was this perfect match for me etc. when in reality who knows if I would have even felt the same in person. I don't online date anymore mainly because of this... trying to avoid these online relationships that don't ever pan out to anything else.

 

Anyways.. I've gone through much worse in terms of getting over someone- dated someone for years and lived with them-Managed to move on from that fairly easily. So what is it about this guy that always bring me back to thinking about him and feeling upset? Is it just because I'm lonely and my life is nothing but school and work these days? I don't know the point of this post. Just going through these waves of feeling lonely and regretful of how I let things turn out.

[Wiseman2]

Loss of 'what could have been' can feel quite real.

[holistic17]

I completely understand how you're feeling. It's the natural stages of grieving and so normal. So don't be too hard on yourself. You've done really well with not contacting him. It's the best thing to do. The real reason you're having difficulty is because you haven't had closure. But the truth is, we rarely ever get the closure we need. There are always hind sight questions that pop into our heads when we sit festering over the past and what could have beens. You were not on the same path in life, as much as it sucks. He told you the truth in how he saw it.....eventually. So now you need to slowly learn how to accept the present situation and let him go and walk his path. You do the same for you. It takes time. But try to learn from the situation so that when a guy who is more on your energy and communication level comes along, you'll be a stronger person. Every situation is a choice. Do what serves your highest good and put yourself first.