I bumped into my ex after 10 months NC. Do you need hope to move on? Read.

[theanongirl89]

Sooo, if you've read my story, you know that after 5 years of dating my ex (he was the first in everything, we started at the age of 19 years old), he dumped me for someone else. This happened on January 31st 2016. Wow. A TON of time has passed, right?

 

You may think that I must have healed by now, but you need to understand that I do not trust people and he was the first person I trusted, my first "crush", my first love, my first kiss. He was my best friend during five years. I was truly, deeply, madly in love with him. I believed we were meant to be, like if the Universe made me to be with him.

 

WRONG. All of that is bullsh*t.

 

Let me explain. On May 2016 I asked him to stop contacting me. We kept contact and the last time we saw each other (february 2016) he told me I should kill myself if I was feeling so sad. That I was responsible for everything that went wrong in the relationship, and that the new girl was the love of his life (he uses that word like he uses the bathroom: all the time with everyone). I begged him to stop reaching out to me because it was not helping me. He promised (but of course you don't believe what an ex like him says).

 

So I tried to go on with my life. I was diagnosed (I am) with depression. I'm not taking meds, but I do go to therapy. He left me broken, completely broken and devastated. I thought it was unfair that he was having fun with someone new, feeling great, while I was dead inside. Months passed. Many months. Every day I thought about him (I still do, but in a different way). I was everything that everyone recommended me: focus on work, go out friends, I started to go out even though I'm a introvert, tried to meet people... I treated myself very well. I did and said things that I wanted. But I was still obsessing over him, I thought he was some kind of god that was punishing me. That his life was golden, living this amazing and wonderful life. I thought he was the happiest human being on Earth... and that killed me. Don't say the typical bs: "If you truly loved him you would be happy for him" because you know that's not how it works when the break up ends up so so so terrible badly.

 

My best best friend lives near his place and I refuse to stop visiting her because of some kind of jerk. So bumping into him would end up happening, eventually. So last Sunday night, exactly the same day we saw each other last year, we bumped into each other. Almost literally. I was listening to music so I didn't pay too much attention to it, but he stopped on his tracks because we were about to crash into each other. I looked at him and he looked down. I did nothing, I just moved to the right and kept on walking. I treated him like you treat a stranger (even though my heart was beating so so so fast, I thought I was going to pass out). He looked at his shoes and ignored me. Like we never met before, like we didn't spend 5 years with each other.

 

I get my sh*t together, recollected me and kept on walking with dignity like nothing happened. I must say I went out on Sunday night so I was looking pretty cute So yay for me. It is not a horror story!

But as soon I was out of his sight and reach, I had a massive panic attack. Two strangers came running because I was passing out. I don't know if you've ever experience so much anxietythat you end up passing out, but I do. I thought I was dying. So much drama. I dialed my best friend number and she came running from her house to pick me up with her parents in their car. She is a psychologist so she knows what to do when things like this happens. She calms me.

 

The important thing is NOT bumping into him. It was what happened later. Did I cry that night? Yes. Did I think I was dying and would never ever recover from this? Yes.

 

BUT. BUT BUT BUT. Here's to hope, guys! Two days after collecting my thoughts and myself, I feel like I'm TRULY really MOVING ON. I saw him when I needed it the most. Life made me see him. And what I saw it was a normal human being. That's it. Not a god. Not the universe itself. Just a regular person, that breathes and goes to the bathroom too. He's not a god before my eyes anymore. I stopped glorifying this... person. In my mind he was on a PEDESTAL. But after seeing him... Everything changed. I remembered all the awful things he did and how he treated him towards the end of the relationship. We were not meant to be. We fought a lot. I realize that now.

 

It doesn't mean I won't have my days, but it's been almost 4 days since I've been feeling GREAT. I know that there's a possibilty I will have dark days again, but those will be less and less as time passes by.

 

The worst thing? He tried to make contact. Sent me an email sharing an article he wrote. After a YEAR of not getting ANYTHING from him, now by coincidence I receive an email. Sketchy af, I know. I got NOTHING during 10 months. NOTHING. And he sees me and then my sister also saw him on thursday (he went very near her work place so they saw each other and he is a coward so he doesn't even says "hi"), and suddenly I get an email from him sharing an article he wrote?

 

The firsts days I was struggling to not say anything, to not break NC. The technique it's easier than you think: whenever you WANT and NEED to contact them, think "well, I won't send anything today. Tomorrow, if I still want to, I will". And you say that each day. You will find it's easier and you won't have to repeat this technique. This week I had to say to myself "don't send this message to him this day. Wait. Wait and tomorrow, if you still feel like it, send it." After he sent me this "email", altogether my NEED to contact him vanished. I want nothing to do with him. I want nothing from him. But I don't know what the hell is he looking for. I was so sure he felt NOTHING because of the way he ignored me... A part of me is curious to know what went through his mind. If he felt anything. But nope. I don't want contact.

 

So yes. Remember: they're not gods. They're human beings. Some of them are creatures, some of them are personas that were a lesson for you. I feel like I can think so much right now about myself and how the relationship really was. Last week I was still thinking we were made for each other. Righ now? I don't think so. I don't. Not anymore.

 

This helped me to, for the first time in six years, actually SEE someone else. "This guy is so handsome!!!" or "I get on so SO well with this guy!!!". There's a guy that's my "crush", like... I'm not trying ANYTHING with him, because I don't really LIKE him, but realizing that I still have the ability to actually feel attraction for someone else, has helped me heal a lot.

 

I can't believe it yet. I will keep you informed if I fall back to my old ways of pinning and suffering after my ex (of course, I already assumed that I will always remember him), or this is truly me letting it completely go.

 

Who knows. Life does surprises you in many ways... Keep your eyes open: THERE IS HOPE.

[ParisPaulette]

This is fantastic. You are healing and moving on. Many times a dumper will reach out when their own life is not good and they're reminded they might be able to "get" something from you even if it's validation. Also double minus points for not even a hello, just an article showing off what he "did." Gee, narcissistic there much fella. So you can write, big whoop. So can thousands of other people.

 

Personally, anyone who tells you to go kill yourself should go get (expletive)ed and be banished forevermore. This guy sounds like he was the one with serious problems, not you.

 

So yes, live your life, consider this a sign from on high that you are healed and doing great, while he sadly will always be the guy who was so mean and rotten he actually told a depressed person to kill themselves instead of showing some empathy. I mean, breakups hurt, but there a billion other ways to handle that.

 

Your ex sounds like a tool. You sound like a cool person who is getting it together. So raise your head high. I know it's always a shock that first time you see them after a breakup. I've had that happen too. But then comes that, "Wow, what did I ever see in that person?" moment where you realize they were not perfect and it's time to keep on moving on.

 

I would block him or just put his email as spam if you can't do it otherwise and carry on. If you bump into him again you may even be able to point and laugh as you stride on by. But don't take the bait of any contact from him ever again, he sounds seriously damaged to begin with. Good on you for coming so far.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear you're still struggling. This is why the block and delete functions on all devices, accounts, social media and messaging is crucial. He may still have you on a random mailing list and it went through because he wasn't block.

 

After over a year of course it's best to move forward with your life. Start creating your own happiness in addition to appropriate mental health treatment and support. Never make someone the center of your universe again.