Am I wrong?

[sarahhh456]

Tonight was my friends 21st birthday, I'll call her "C", so we went out to a restaurant/bar, ate, and had some drinks. The bar closed at 2 and obviously had music playing and a dance floor. Me, "C", one of her college friends who I'll call "A", and one of our friends from high school who I'll call "M", were out on the dance floor having a good time when C felt really sick and decided to go to the bathroom. A went and followed C to the bathroom to make sure she was okay while M and I were still dancing. My boyfriend and his best friend were supposed to come out with us tonight but they ended up going to Indiana for the NFL combine that one of their friends was participating in, so they couldn't come.

 

Anyways, at the bar, after C and A left to go to the bathroom, I was left there dancing with my friend M. I had a lot to drink and was having a good time dancing and when I turned around, M was gone. Turns out she ended up walking back to the table we had without me because we got separated in the crowd. She left me on the dance floor alone and a random guy ended up walking up to me, grabbing me from behind and dancing with me and when I tried to walk away, he grabbed me again and he had a pretty tight grip which made me feel really uncomfortable. I tried to dance away from him but he ended up grabbing me again and pulling me closer to him, which made me feel even more uncomfortable. I finally made up the excuse that I needed to go to the bathroom and walked away from him and back to the table my friend and all her college friends were at.

 

I texted my boyfriend to let him know what happened because earlier he had told me to let him know if something like that happened at the bar, so I did. My only issue here is that there were 2 girls at the bar who I went to high school with, both of whom are talking to two of my boyfriends friends, who saw what happened. The two girls and I have never and do not currently get along because they are both heavy drinkers and in to drugs and I got in to a fight with one of them in high school. I only drink every so often and usually am with my boyfriend when I do. I am afraid these girls are going to tell my boyfriend himself or his friends a different story because we do not get along and because they saw what happened.

 

Like I said, I told my boyfriend what happened and I walked away, nothing else happened between me and this random guy, I didn't kiss him or anything, but he did try to touch my butt a couple times, yet I'm still worried for some reason. Am I in the wrong here? Dancing with this kid isn't considered cheating if I didn't want to do it, right? I don't know why I feel so guilty about it but I do. Is there anything else I should say to my boyfriend? I'm just scared these girls will say something to him and he will believe them over me.

[junebug123]

If you are seeking validation from a forum as to whether or not what you did was wrong, I am not sure I can help you here.

 

I think this post is an indication of something bigger like trust issues in the relationship. Your boyfriend should just believe you over what you said is true over the opinions of these other women.

 

If he doesn't then clearly there is a lack of trust here. Reguardless I don't think most men would fault their SO for dancing with someone. I guess it just depends for how long it was and what exactly was going on.

 

From the looks of it, it was probably less than a song. Which makes me wonder why you are feeling so guilty.

[IAmFCA]

What happened in the bar was a non-event.

 

My college bf would have been suspicious too. I am glad i didnt marry him.

[SherrySher]

if it went how you described, then no, it's nothing you need to worry about.

[angrythoughts]

You didn't even want to dance with guy as you said. And if you did it's not a big deal. It's dancing not sex. See what his response is and if those girls lie on u and he takes their side then dump him. Even though the girls don't like you why would they lie on you? Have they done that before?

[Wiseman2]

When you go out with friends to clubs and drink, you still need to be aware of your surroundings and be on top of the situation and in control. Your bf can't rescue you from random drunken club activities. It's odd you need to "report" to your bf, no?

I texted my boyfriend to let him know what happened because earlier he had told me to let him know if something like that happened at the bar, so I did. I am afraid these girls are going to tell my boyfriend himself or his friends a different story because we do not get along and because they saw what happened

[ParisPaulette]

So some skeezaholic tries to grab on you and you think it's your fault. A hearty bellowed, "Knock if off," pushing him hard then storming off the dance floor is what he deserved. Sorry, but when you're in clubs or bars this can happen. Heck it can happen on the street in broad daylight when you look your worst and are running a high fever with snot flying out of your nose. It's called encountering a creep or worse.

 

It's not cheating, but yeah I would definitely not be going out to places like clubs or bars where I was with people who didn't have my back. I will go to clubs or bars with my husband and other friends, we all keep a close eye on each other, and back anyone off in a hurry who acts suspicious or comes on too strong. Of course, we're all older now so that happens less often, but yeah I've had my share of close encounters of the uncomfortable kind. So that's all that happened.

 

Just don't go out with those people again, understand that this can happen, stay safe, and next time only go with people who will keep a close eye on you and vice versa and be at the ready to run interference should someone drunkenly think what they're doing is how you pick someone up. And learn the whole heel to the instep if someone grabs you from behind maneuver. Elbows work great too.

 

P.S. You don't need your boyfriend's "permission" to go out or to report in to him. If the girls lie to him and he takes their side then yeah, dump him. Don't go out with people you don't trust, anywhere, not even for coffee.

[SoulTaker]

Anyways, at the bar, after C and A left to go to the bathroom, I was left there dancing with my friend M. I had a lot to drink and was having a good time dancing and when I turned around, M was gone. Turns out she ended up walking back to the table we had without me because we got separated in the crowd. She left me on the dance floor alone and a random guy ended up walking up to me, grabbing me from behind and dancing with me and when I tried to walk away, he grabbed me again and he had a pretty tight grip which made me feel really uncomfortable. I tried to dance away from him but he ended up grabbing me again and pulling me closer to him, which made me feel even more uncomfortable. I finally made up the excuse that I needed to go to the bathroom and walked away from him and back to the table my friend and all her college friends were at.

 

One issue that needs addressing is whether you were in an intoxicating state to the point that this stalker felt that you were vulnerable. It is obvious that he was checking you out, and felt that he could take advantage of you. You having to ask his permission in order to leave, put him in control of the situation. What if he had refused?

 

If your head was clear, you might have aggressively resisted from the start as though you were being restrained against your will (which was the case).