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Need to walk out


Maxi05

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I am a 36yo woman very attractive and succesful at work. I am married to a handsome man who treats me nicely and we have a kid. 7 months ago i started a sex based affair with a 30 yo co-worker to whom i am boss. He is also married has a kid and a pregnant wife. I have a very neat background in life... never done anything like that before...but i was bored and wanted to try something new and i thought it was just going to happen that only time. Now i am addicted...even though ive tryed to end this many times things keep happening. He is the one that keeps looking for me because the times ive tryed to he rejects me. He is clearly not sentimentally involved and made things clear about it from the very beggining. As for me, i think about him most of the time...its like an addiction and i have some feelings of care about him but no love. He treats me nice before he wants to be with me but after it happens he treats me as if i didnt exist. Please dont judge me i know this is completely wrong and stupid and i need to end it but i see him every day and its not that easy. My self steem now is at its worse because no one has ever treated me as rejectful as he does...usually guys were caring about me when i used to date and my husband loves me. Give me advice on how to end this definitely.

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Give me advice on how to end this definitely.

You KNOW how to end it. You stop what you are doing. Tell him it's over and mean it. Trouble is, you probably don't really want it to end because you enjoy the attention and ego boost etc. If you really want it to end, you would simply cut it off immediately and never go back.

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It sounds like you got addicted to the thrill, not him. Well you're his boss so if things go bad he could file a sexual harassment thing and ruin you.

 

Try to step back and be professional with him. The rejection isn't personal it's just withdrawal from the intoxicating effects and a bruise to the ego.

 

Go to therapy on your own. Talk about this so you can unpack all of this and figure things out, how to handle it, what's going on in your head, etc.

7 months ago i started a sex based affair with a 30 yo co-worker to whom i am boss. He is clearly not sentimentally involved and made things clear about it from the very beggining. As for me, i think about him most of the time...its like an addiction.
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As for me, i think about him most of the time...its like an addiction and i have some feelings of care about him but no love.

 

It's not an "addiction", it's a choice, which is defined as something you have complete control of. You have some thinking to do, and your time is limited.

 

Choose wisely...

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You know, as a 24 year old, posts like this really discourage me from ever wanting to get married.

You stated that your husband is handsome, treats you well, you have a child together, and yet you still cheated on him?!?

Unbelievable.

In some way I could understand your affair if this man was treating you terribly and engaging in an affair as well, but you reason for cheating on him was because you were bored.....

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I am a 36yo woman very attractive and succesful at work. I am married to a handsome man who treats me nicely and we have a kid. 7 months ago i started a sex based affair with a 30 yo co-worker to whom i am boss. He is also married has a kid and a pregnant wife. I have a very neat background in life... never done anything like that before...but i was bored and wanted to try something new and i thought it was just going to happen that only time. Now i am addicted...even though ive tryed to end this many times things keep happening. He is the one that keeps looking for me because the times ive tryed to he rejects me. He is clearly not sentimentally involved and made things clear about it from the very beggining. As for me, i think about him most of the time...its like an addiction and i have some feelings of care about him but no love. He treats me nice before he wants to be with me but after it happens he treats me as if i didnt exist. Please dont judge me i know this is completely wrong and stupid and i need to end it but i see him every day and its not that easy. My self steem now is at its worse because no one has ever treated me as rejectful as he does...usually guys were caring about me when i used to date and my husband loves me. Give me advice on how to end this definitely.

 

In order to get out of this first you need to stop seeing him everyday. Either transfer this guy to another manager or move from the company yourself.

 

Cheating becomes possible when your husband is not part of a circle, or he doesn't get to see a part of your life. So in the future, bring your husband around, show him to your coworkers, try to make it so that he's in most parts of your life. In parts that he isn't, don't allow guys to spend time with you. Only when guys spend time with you like that they get to get close to you and then you lead two lives like this.

 

You will get hurt after leaving this guy. You got to enjoy two guys at once and the best part of this guy as you don't do any of the regular chores with him his wife/gf does. So breaking up with him is going to hurt. Good luck with this, I recommend not to come back to this again.

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It is an addiction. You have a desire for the excitement, to have something new, etc. What it points out though, is that something is missing in your marriage or in your life. You are trying to fill a void with this destructive behaviour.

You can break the cycle and end this but you have to make that decision on your own. When he comes looking for you again, say no. End it, done, don't let him use you anymore or get caught up in any of it anymore.

Then you need to speak to your husband about all of it and be fair with him on what has happened. And lastly, you need to get marriage counselling, personal counselling, or both.

I hope you can take the first step and quit allowing it to happen and be strong enough to not let it happen.

This isn't just about you and him, this is also about all the other people who are unknowingly getting hurt from this. This is a destructive situation and YOU need to be the one strong enough to end it and to repair the damage now done.

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When you say "definitely" you mean finally and forever?

- If so...

 

1. Stop all contact with him.

2. Tell your husband and accept/understand all the consequences.

3. Change from who your were into a new person.

 

Environmental changes are only distance band-aids.

 

They change nothing and won't work.

Your heart and who your were will still be the same. :sad:

 

Sorry, but if you're serious, there's no easy advice waiting here for you.

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^Absolutely.

 

It's interesting you are putting the cause of your low self esteem and lack of impulse control onto the man you are having an affair with. He is treating you as an illicit hook up, which is what you claimed to have wanted out of this affair - just some sex and novelty. I think you need to be honest with yourself about what is truly motivating you to chase this man and to have pursued this affair in the first place. What were you expecting, truly? Were you hoping he would slavishly fawn over you and care? Do you need that to feel good about yourself? It's worth at least considering it's not him responsible for your low self esteem.

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Stop yourself from doing this. Just.Stop.Yourself.

 

If you can't do this then pick anything from this menu. At least one of them is going to find out anyway.

 

1. Tell your husband

2. Tell your subordinate's wife

3. Tell your employer.

 

They will help you end the adultery.

 

 

 

1. Tell your husband

2. Tell your subordinate's wife

3. Tell your employer

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