Is it worth trying to get a second chance

[Thosaigh]

I'll try to keep this short but please stay with me when I give a little background

 

My girlfriend and I have been going out about 2.5 years and living together for the last 4 months. I met this woman let's call her Kate online about a year before I met my girlfriend and we had exchanged emails back and forth but we never met up in person, but once I started going out with my girlfriend I stopped. About 1.5 years into the relationship we were going through a bit of a rocky stage and I got an email from Kate asking how things were and I told her things weren't great and things progress from there back into sexting on and off we mightn't email for a month and then there be a day or two of back and forward between us which could be fairly mundane to highly explicit saying what we would do to eachother if we ever met, which we both knew would never happen as we were both happy in our relationships. I know I was doing it just for the buzz and rush of doing something I knew I shouldn't be. I'm not defending my actions I know it was wrong and I shouldn't have done it.

 

Right that's the background now it's time to move into the problem. About 7 weeks ago my gf was using my laptop while I was working nights and an email came in and she read it and it was from Kate it was nothing major just her saying hi we hadn't really chatted in the previous 2 months since I moved in with my gf, but unfortunately she had sent it from a previous chat we had and my gf could see the thread of what we had been saying. The next morning when I got in my girlfriend confronted me about it and asked me to leave. I went to stay with a friend and a week later after little to no contact she asked me to come over to talk which I did and at the end of it she asked me to move back in but I'd be sleeping in the spare room. After about 5 days which were awkward with constant talking and questions from my gf she asked me to move out again which I did back to my friend. About 8 days later it was her birthday and she asked me to come over and I did with a birthday cake and card for her. We talked again and she asked me to move back in again which is where I've been since. I'm still in the spare bedroom and we have had our ups and downs for the last few weeks, with me calling it a day and leaving once because she went out with friends at 3pm and didn't come home until 5am with no response to any of my texts asking if she was ok. She called me crying and saying I wasn't the one who got to finish it, we sat down and I told her I couldn't deal with her her passive agressive behaviour towards if she had a problem she had to talk to me about it. I though we were working through it as last Sunday she said she wanted us to give it a go but today she turned around and said she wasnt sure about us again and wants to give notice on our house and move out and live separately and see if we can make things work that way. I personally think if we are to make it work we would be better off living together, where we can talk and spend time together as I work shift work and am not around every evening or weekend. I know at least one of her friends is putting pressure on her to end it. What I'm asking is am I better to make things easy for both of us and end it or to do as she asked and live separately and hope it works. I am willing to work hard to regain her trust and I have been open and honest to her about everything, given her full access to all my emails, social media phone etc. Sorry for my post been so long

[Betterwithout]

If you were Kate, and you found she had the sexting with a guy, would you give her a chance?

 

You really dropped the ball here and you need a lot of forgiveness.

Really, the ball is in her court. Sit down and have a heart to heart and tell her you made a mistake and broke trust in the relationship and you are interested in remaining together and then ask if she is willing to give you a chance.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but it sounds like she hasn't forgiven you. The roommates thing is silly so is dating after moving out. Moving in and out and in and out is crazy too.

 

Just stop living together as angry roommates, it's not working. And don't date after moving out.

 

Take some steps back and reflect on all this. Don't blame her friends, she's the one who saw the betrayals, asked you to move out and now wants to terminate the living situation.

My girlfriend and I have been going out about 2.5 years and living together for the last 4 months.

The next morning when I got in my girlfriend confronted me about it and asked me to leave.

she asked me to move back in but I'd be sleeping in the spare room.

she asked me to move out again.

We talked again and she asked me to move back in again which is where I've been since. I'm still in the spare bedroom

wants to give notice on our house and move out and live separately and see if we can make things work that way.

[vesper]

I would move away from each other and then decide 100% if you want to make it work or BOTH walk away. This is crucial.

[JaggerJim]

Even tho you didn't do anything with Kate, all trust is broken with your girlfriend. She doesn't trust you.

 

I'd probably just walk away. It will always be brought up in future arguments, you just won't win.

[lostandhurt]

The answer is NO.

 

Get your own place, get you head straight and maybe some day in the future you may bump into her and who know what might happens but right now it is best to walk away and leave her to heal and move on from this.

 

Lost

[Thosaigh]

I have sat down with her and asked if she is willing to give me a chance and she has said yes and then the next day she changed her mind I fully take responsibility for everything I've done and yes I would and have gave her a chance in the past be it for something not quite as bad but it still was bad enough

[Thosaigh]

We have sat down and spoke at length about a second chance and last Sunday she decided that she wanted to give us one and try and then the next day she was back to been unsure. The reason I brought up about her friends is that I know whenever she talks to a certain friend is when her mood changes and she starts to withdraw again, she has told me some of the things her friend has said and it's bad towards me with I can understand and take but some of it is been rather spiteful towards my gf as well. Sorry about the double post my internet dropped

[johnnydanger]

I know you betrayed her trust, but at least you came clean and made a full apology and asked for a second chance. That's got to be worth something. I caught an ex texting some guy she met on Craig list during a time we were going through a rough patch. She denied it even though I had evidence, and never apologized. We didn't break up at the time, and she didn't ask me for a second chance either.

 

So yeah, you messed up a little but you did right in the end. Your gf is taking it really far now, and for her to agree to give you a second chance and then change her mind the next day, is cruel and stupid on her part. She already punished you enough, and you complied with it all.

 

I say just move out and tell her we take a break. Then keep in touch but don't get mushy or try to move too fast. See how things go.

 

I sort of broke up (moved out) with an ex but it still went on and off for months, so it's not the end of the world (if you still really want her back).

[youngwoman]

You've already apologized, come clean and she has said she would give you a second chance. She can't keep going back and forth. I'd drop her because it's obvious she can't forgive.

[MissCanuck]

I think your relationship is probably over.

 

Move out and go your separate ways. It doesn't sound like the problems that lead to the aforementioned rough patch have been addressed, and now your girlfriend knows that you are capable of significant dishonesty and disrespect. The trust is gone. The respect already was. Perhaps it is time to just call it a day so you can both move on to happier pastures.