This is so hard.

[PatPatPat]

I've expressed here how I want to get my ex back and I know that's the initial reaction when you get broken up with and you're still in love with them. Despite what I've written here I've been okay all this week. I've continued going to work and being kind and bubbly to my co-workers, students and friends. Actually, I just told one of my friends yesterday that my ex and I are broken up and she said she hadn't figured because of how well I've been. Yes, I've been missing my ex like hell. But I know I shouldn't talk to him. Today I went for breakfast with my friend and I saw two items at the mall that just completely messed me up. They were pug related items, and my ex and I would talk everyday about pugs, because I love them and he hates them. I wish I could send him a picture of them like I used to and tell him it reminded me of him, because it's a pug playing a guitar and he loves playing the guitar. Right now I'm a mess, like I haven't been since he made the break up official. I miss him so much and I'm on the verge of sending him that message.

 

I need to hear something. Positive or negative. I just need to hear something

[vesper]

Hello! Take it day by day, focus on the endless possibilities of the future and keep your chin-up

[PatPatPat]

Hello! Take it day by day, focus on the endless possibilities of the future and keep your chin-up

 

Thank you... I'm trying

[Betterwithout]

Breakups suck. We've all been through them. Don't send the message about the pugs. (it was cute and ironic though).

No contact is written on so many posts because it's critical in the grieving process. Don't scratch the itch.

 

If that is a current profile picture you look very attractive and young. You will meet many other guys and look back with good memories of your ex and less pain each day.

 

Enjoy your weekend and think of the things you love to do, and do them!

[vesper]

Thank you... I'm trying

 

It is ok to feel bad. You have every right to be upset and sad, do not try to hide your feelings. [ATTACH=CONFIG]11307[/ATTACH]

[PatPatPat]

Breakups suck. We've all been through them. Don't send the message about the pugs. (it was cute and ironic though).

No contact is written on so many posts because it's critical in the grieving process. Don't scratch the itch.

 

If that is a current profile picture you look very attractive and young. You will meet many other guys and look back with good memories of your ex and less pain each day.

 

Enjoy your weekend and think of the things you love to do, and do them!

 

Thank you... I'm not that young anymore.

[DancingFool]

...but he hates pugs....how could you ever be with someone who hates pugs?! Total deal breaker.

 

On a serious note, vent, post away, don't send the pic, don't talk to him. Breathe. Go for a jog or something physical to burn off that energy and frustration you are feeling. Find something funny to watch or listen to and laugh. Sometimes it works in reverse like that. The laughter lifts your mood when you aren't feeling things and then you end up feeling better despite yourself.

[Betterwithout]

Thank you... I'm not that young anymore.

 

Well, I know your not in your 70's either. But seriously, try writing your thoughts on paper, or type a journal of your thoughts. That will help you and think of your passions and pursue them. Those type of distractions will convince you that there is more to life than your ex.

 

And yes as DancingFool says...get active, even just walking will do. It really helps to push out the blues.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Keep being happy friendly and keep a journal instead of sending him anything

[PatPatPat]

It's just difficult when I still feel so in love with him. Last night I went out with an ex that I broke up with about 5 years ago. We've stayed good friends and there's definitely nothing going on there. Incredibly enough he's been telling me that I should try one last time and see if things can be fixed (they're also both around the same age 39-40). A bit later into the night two more friends joined us and the 4 of us had an amazing time. But as soon as I got home I just started crying. I usually get over break ups so fast, but this man... he was my everything. Not in the sick way that all I could see was him. He's just such an amazing person. Even though he's ugly and he's got gray hair lol

[DrkHrt]

Hello... I can completely relate to you needing to 'hear something', because right now I'm getting the silent treatment and I think that is probably the biggest abuse to the heart that anyone can experience because it leaves you with a million questions that you ask yourself over and over again.

However- you are doing SO WELL! I've made EVERY breakup mistake and I can tell you from experience, that sending him ANY kind of text, no matter what you are saying, is not the best move. It will push him away. All breakups/relationships are different and your dynamic with him will be unique- this is never a one-size-fits-all situation.

I am not going to give you false hope, but please- if you stand ANY chance of saving your relationship, No Contact is the best thing. I've done this and it WORKS, trust me.

But ultimately, put him to one side, because the reality is that he may never come back.

Everyone says what I'm about to say and it's very cliche but it's very true- work on YOU- make an effort to be happy in your own skin and celebrate and improve yourself. If he comes back, you will only be super-attractive to him and he will only have admiration for you. If he doesn't come back, you will be in a position to face the world as a individual who is super-attractive (and I don't just mean in a physical sense).

This is important because life HAS to go on- it's important to be 'attractive' in many aspects of your life- your career, your social life, your family life etc.

When people see that you are crying about your ex everyday (as I have done) it really does NOTHING but hold YOU back. I'm not saying this is easy but I wouldn't want you to make the mistakes I have made.

Giving your ex too much power will ultimately affect every aspect of your life. It WILL get to the point where it affects your work, your relationship with friends etc.

So keep DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING- most of us can learn from YOUR example by leaving our exes alone.

And I know the prospect of meeting someone new is the last thing you want to hear, but life does move on, and what you need is to be the best 'you' that you can be, and you will be sure to meet someone who truly appreciates you and will stand by you.

 

Focus on YOURSELF (forgive all my capital letters, just trying to illustrate my point lol). Good luck x

[PatPatPat]

Thank you for your words. I wish this was easier. We have so many friends in common because we teach at the same place. I will have to see him every day of my life because quitting our job right now is not an option for either of us. After this week off I will have to see him tomorrow and I'm not ready, but I can't avoid it either. I still believe we can work things out, except I'm sure he's already moved on. So now it's my turn.

[DrkHrt]

Never confuse your career with your love life. Why should you get a new job and sacrifice your own hard work?

 

I know it's hard- trust me, I KNOW. But if anything, him seeing you isn't necessarily bad- if you look happy and in control, that can only be a positive thing. Don't let him see you are hurting.

Like I said, you're making the right steps that most of us can learn from so keep doing it. Don't worry about what he is or isn't doing, just focus on what YOU are doing

[PatPatPat]

Never confuse your career with your love life. Why should you get a new job and sacrifice your own hard work?

 

I know it's hard- trust me, I KNOW. But if anything, him seeing you isn't necessarily bad- if you look happy and in control, that can only be a positive thing. Don't let him see you are hurting.

Like I said, you're making the right steps that most of us can learn from so keep doing it. Don't worry about what he is or isn't doing, just focus on what YOU are doing

 

It's too difficult to sit at the teachers room and hear his loud voice and his laugh, his jokes. I really want to quit and never see him again. It's too difficult to see him so happy while I have to pretend I'm ok when in reality all I want to do is run up to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him I love him.

[DrkHrt]

You don't know that he is happy just because he looks happy. I thought the same thing about my ex until he told me he wasn't happy.

Things are not always what they appear, but it is not good for you to be second-guessing what your ex is feeling because that is only going to affect YOU. Give it a little time, DON'T contact him, and just see what happens. There's very little else you can do. I highly do NOT recommend contacting him because however good your intentions are, it will just been seen as annoying , inappropriate and desperate. I've done this so I know.

[catfeeder]

One of the most helpful things I've taught myself is to stop telling myself how difficult something 'must' be. That only digs me a deeper hole to climb out of. Instead, I make it my private goal to surprise myself with my resilience, and to talk myself into learning how strong I can be.

 

The largest percentage of emotional healing is a decision. We can either commit to misery or we can commit to health and healing. Consider adopting a convenient case of amnesia about this guy, and treat him as kindly as you would any stranger on the job. Move your focus onto making yourself happy, and this will preoccupy your thinking 'beyond' rumination and anticipation of difficulty.

 

Head high, and make yourself proud.