Girlfriend on a dating site

[time4takeoff]

I have been with my girlfriend for the past 5 months now. Recently we have been arguing she works as an au pair works long hours and gets stressed easily. When we speak on the phone we argue but when we see each other face to face we are ok. She has lied to me in the past about something silly which didn't need to be lied about.

 

Because of the arguments something in my head was saying something isn't right. I stupidly set up a random profile non subscribed one on a dating site ( so I can't message anyone) that we met on and had a look at people in the area that she lives in and found her on there saying she had been active within the last week!

 

With my mind working overtime after the arguments we had and now finding this out what should I do?

 

Do I ask her if she has been on a dating site? How do I ask such a question?

[gebaird]

Even without the dating site issue, this many arguments shouldn't be happening after only 5 months of dating. I'd walk away and look for someone who is more compatible.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it's not going too well, is it? The arguing and lack of scheduling time together is only one problem.

 

Are you dating exclusively? Have you had that discussion specifically? As for the dating profile, maybe it's dead but up there. If you open an email from the site, it will show as "online".

 

If you plan to continue, it may be best to smooth out what's bothering you overall rather than assume she's still multidating. If you don't get along, maybe it's time to pull the plug?

I have been with my girlfriend for the past 5 months now. When we speak on the phone we argue but when we see each other face to face we are ok. She has lied to me in the past about something silly which didn't need to be lied about.

[ParisPaulette]

Arguing all the time at five months? Am I the only one who used to say, "I haven't known you long enough to put up with this much drama, so buh-bye."

 

You should still be in the honeymoon phase where all you can see is each other, let alone not even arguing. What would there even be to argue about??? Why are you staying - also the minute they log into a dating site after telling you that you're exclusive and can't see other people I'm sorry, but you are going to get cheated on. 100 percent no doubts.

 

And again, at five months in? Man, you need to value yourself more and tell this girl it's not working, she is free to go look and contact other guys all she wants, and then you go and do what you need to do to get your sense of self-esteem high enough you aren't settling for someone who is already arguing with you all the time at only five months.

 

Too much drama and since people are on their best behavior in the beginning of the relationship you are in for far worse, because if that's the best she can do and be then I'd hate to see her worst. End it.

 

P.S. Don't bother asking her IF she's been on a dating site when you've found the evidence. That's like asking a murderer if he killed the dead body rotting on his living room floor. Come on. Plus get ready for STILL MORE ARGUMENTS. Where on earth did you get the idea people in a relationship must argue all the time in the first place? You know that's not normal, right? I mean, an occasional argument or fight throughout the "years" sure, but arguing all the time? Nope, not normal. Major sign you are with the wrong person to begin with.

 

Really what you need to do is examine why you're putting so much time and effort into what sounds like a horrible thing. And just okay when you see each other? Yeah, I'm not getting why you think this is a relationship. I think you both should see other people more suited to each of you and it sounds like she's already headed that way anyways.

[time4takeoff]

No its not going well. It was ok before all the arguments started. We see each other most weekends and get on ok when we do. But now we keep arguing on the phone its not good and now I know she has an active dating account. I don't know what to think do i ask her have you been on any dating sites lately and see if she is honest with me and if she says no I keep my mouth shut?

 

Unfortunately it's not going too well, is it? The arguing and lack of scheduling time together is only one problem.

 

Are you dating exclusively? Have you had that discussion specifically? As for the dating profile, maybe it's dead but up there. If you open an email from the site, it will show as "online".

 

If you plan to continue, it may be best to smooth out what's bothering you overall rather than assume she's still multidating. If you don't get along, maybe it's time to pull the plug?

[Missy k]

I have been with my girlfriend for the past 5 months now. Recently we have been arguing she works as an au pair works long hours and gets stressed easily. When we speak on the phone we argue but when we see each other face to face we are ok. She has lied to me in the past about something silly which didn't need to be lied about.

 

Because of the arguments something in my head was saying something isn't right. I stupidly set up a random profile non subscribed one on a dating site ( so I can't message anyone) that we met on and had a look at people in the area that she lives in and found her on there saying she had been active within the last week!

 

With my mind working overtime after the arguments we had and now finding this out what should I do?

 

Do I ask her if she has been on a dating site? How do I ask such a question?

 

You should confront her. Please go with your gut feelings and leave if you have any doubts, the sooner you end things the better. My ex lied about being on social media, he's like everywhere not only that he's on 8/9 dating sites. If a person can lie about the things that don't really matter do you really think they'l be honest about the main and real things which matter to you, people like that think about themselves only.

[holistic17]

I agree with the other responses. This is not what should be happening at only 5 months in. It should be honeymoon phase and easy going! You don't sound like you trust this girl, but trust is essential. The biggest thing that struck me was how she copes and manages (or lacks) her own life stresses. If she is not emotionally stable and doesn't try to work on this herself, she will just project it onto you. Which is already happening. It doesn't sound like you are well suited in all honesty. There's plenty of other stable women online who are looking for a mature and honest relationship. I'd check them out!

[Wiseman2]

Ok then reflect on that. Is she worth the hassle and this is just the last straw? If it's more headache than it's worth don't bother saying you catfished to catch her on a dating site, just tell her it's not working out.

No its not going well. But now we keep arguing on the phone its not good and now I know she has an active dating account.

[time4takeoff]

You should confront her. Please go with your gut feelings and leave if you have any doubts, the sooner you end things the better. My ex lied about being on social media, he's like everywhere not only that he's on 8/9 dating sites. If a person can lie about the things that don't really matter do you really think they'l be honest about the main and real things which matter to you, people like that think about themselves only.

 

I asked her on the phone and her response was that she gave her sister her bank details so she could subscribe to her own dating profile because she didn't have funds in her bank account and then my gf account was also charged because she used the same bank details. She asked her sister to check to see if her ( my gf) account was active.

 

So its her sisters fault according to her. She said she is now going to go on there and delete her profile.

[Missy k]

I asked her on the phone and her response was that she gave her sister her bank details so she could subscribe to her own dating profile because she didn't have funds in her bank account and then my gf account was also charged because she used the same bank details. She asked her sister to check to see if her ( my gf) account was active.

 

So its her sisters fault according to her. She said she is now going to go on there and delete her profile.

 

Now the question is do you believe her? If yes then be with her but stay alert, if you don't believe her and still have doubts then end it before any more damage because trust is must in a relationship. You should've just asked for her password and see how she reacts, you could've logged in to see if she's been talking to people while with you.

Good luck.

[time4takeoff]

Now the question is do you believe her? If yes then be with her but stay alert, if you don't believe her and still have doubts then end it before any more damage because trust is must in a relationship. You should've just asked for her password and see how she reacts, you could've logged in to see if she's been talking to people while with you.

Good luck.

 

 

I don't know what to think! Maybe I should do that when I see her in a couple of days time

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say but admitting you catfished and now interrogating her about her story makes you seem jealous and obsessed. Don't do it. End it if it's not working even if the sex on weekends is good.

[lostandhurt]

She is lying to you.

 

If I let my sister use my credit card to buy something on Amazon I don't get charged twice and receive what she ordered. That is just silly.

 

You sign up and they ask for payment info. You give it to them and they charge that account. Why on earth would they search their system so they could reactivate a deactivated account that used the same banking info?

 

There are all kinds of red flags here other than she is on a dating site.

 

Lost

[JaggerJim]

No I don't beleive her. If Her sister was asked to log into your girlfriends account, she would have told your girlfriend "Do it yourself". There would be no need for her sister to do it.

 

When I read that part, I knew she was lying.

[time4takeoff]

No I don't beleive her. If Her sister was asked to log into your girlfriends account, she would have told your girlfriend "Do it yourself". There would be no need for her sister to do it.

 

When I read that part, I knew she was lying.

 

I know she is. Everything she is saying the story is changing she doesn't know what to say! She has now said that she'll delete the account in front of me on Sunday and blames me for now ruining her evening.

 

My head is all over the place now. I wished she'd just tell the truth.

 

Her ex just cut all contact from her apparently with no explanation to why he just blocked her I'm beginning to wonder if she lied to him aswell.

[Wiseman2]

Wait, she gets caught on dating sites makes up a stupid story and You ruined Her evening? Sorry she's a hot mess, time to go.

Everything she is saying the story is changing she doesn't know what to say! She has now said that she'll delete the account in front of me on Sunday and blames me for now ruining her evening.

[lostandhurt]

Cheaters do not tell the truth because they don't want to face the truth because that would mean admitting they are liars and cheaters.

 

The whole truth will not change anything so please don't expect it or wait for it.

 

Lost

[time4takeoff]

Cheaters do not tell the truth because they don't want to face the truth because that would mean admitting they are liars and cheaters.

 

The whole truth will not change anything so please don't expect it or wait for it.

 

Lost

 

That is true

[Missy k]

I don't know what to think! Maybe I should do that when I see her in a couple of days time

 

I am sorry if I sound harsh but you should end everything. It will save you from a lot of pain and trouble. You won't be happy with her if you have doubts all the time, but your love for her will make you weak and think maybe you're in the wrong when you're not, I swear you don't wanna feel that it will effect you mentally. The longer you stay with her the more attached you will be and the harder it will be to leave.

[ShatteredMan]

This situation is a total trainwreck. You guys need to split. End of story.

[SherrySher]

I think if I were you I would confront her. She is obviously not wanting to be loyal and is already looking elsewhere. That should tell you everything you need to know.

5 months in and this is going on...you two aren't meant for each other.