Attracted to my boxing teacher

[IntrovertedTea]

I have a small but annoying problem. I started going to the gym with my friend who is a girl (as am I) at the beginning of January. As it turned out, they offered boxing lessons so we decided to go for it just for fun. That's when I first met my boxing teacher for whom I felt no attraction whatsoever at first. We later added each other on Facebook and he started following me on Instagram.

 

We started taking this boxing class once a week, and as weeks passed by, I started feeling a bit confused. I wasn't sure if I was starting to feel attracted to the teacher or something, so I kept quiet about it.

 

After a few weeks, I felt more and more attracted to him so I decided to confess my feelings to my friend because I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. She said to me that she felt like he is attracted to me as well because he sometimes touches my hips to correct my positioning and she also said that he touches me more often and longer than the others who take the class. Basically, she said that she can read men pretty well and that he's clearly attracted to me. However, he's very professional and I think that he would never ask me out or even flirt, which makes it very hard for me to know if he's really into me.

 

Here's the real problem: I have a serious boyfriend with whom I've been for 7 years. We have been living together for 4 years. I don't intend on cheating on him. However, I sometimes have crushes on other guys but I never actually act out on them. I'm not a cheater, but I can be a bit of a tease despite being very shy. Some guys tend to like that in me because it surprises them that a girl as shy can also be very sexual but in a subtle kind of way.

 

So the question is: what should I do? Should I give him hints that I like him or should I just keep quiet and wait for these feelings to disappear? Please help, because I feel like something is burning inside of me. It's very intense, almost like a drug.

[abitbroken]

She said to me that she felt like he is attracted to me as well because he sometimes touches my hips to correct my positioning and she also said that he touches me more often and longer than the others who take the class.

 

Your form could also be worse than others in the class, so he could need to reposition your hips more.

 

I'm not a cheater, but I can be a bit of a tease despite being very shy. Some guys tend to like that in me because it surprises them that a girl as shy can also be very sexual but in a subtle kind of way.

 

Stop being a tease.

You are not a cheater, but you are considering cheating?

Obviously you are sexual because you have a live in boyfriend. Why do you need to flirt with others to validate your sexual nature? You should not have told your friend, because that is where rumors spread and backfire

 

And some friends of mine thought they could "read" men and one they swore was really into me shot me down when I tried to greenlight him. They were stunned he wasn't interested. So much for reading men. Just because they like you doesn't mean they want anything

 

If you prefer being a big tease and want to "surprise men with your surprising sexuality" then break up with your boyfriend because you are not being fair to him

[IntrovertedTea]

Wow, I did not expect such a condescending response. Oh well. I wanna clarify some details about this situation. I also said that I DO NOT intend on cheating on my boyfriend.

 

Firstly, yes, my form was bad. But then again, so was my friend's. We are beginners.

 

Secondly, when I say that I'm a tease, I don't mean that I go up to guys and talk dirty or flirt with them or whatever. It's just something I exude. At least, that's what I've been told.

 

Lastly, I am not going to break up with my boyfriend. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We're not perfect, we have some problems, but we really love each other. He knows that sometimes I have small crushes on other guys because I end up telling him, but he trusts me and he knows that I would never cheat on him.

[Matt3939]

I'd say yeah you can go for the boxer. Your current bf will either just drop you (the best course of action) or he will be dumb. But you might get a fight out of it. Just be aware fights in the real world aren't boxing. There's a decent chance your current bf will win. Good luck

[IntrovertedTea]

I'd say yeah you can go for the boxer. Your current bf will either just drop you (the best course of action) or he will be dumb. But you might get a fight out of it. Just be aware fights in the real world aren't boxing. There's a decent chance your current bf will win. Good luck

 

I just said that I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend. All I'm asking is should I be honest to my teacher or just shut up about it. Because right now, I have all these emotions and thoughts bottling up inside me and it's starting to drive me nuts.

[Billie28]

If you don't intend on cheating then what exactly is it you hope to gain by telling him you are interested? Interested in what?

 

Does he know you have a bf?

Do you know if he has a gf?

 

Trainers touch their clients. Some more than others because like the other poster said bad form. But not just for that reason, they can tell who cares more about their form and who is just there to go through the motion of burning calories.

Perhaps your desire to impress him comes across in trying to get your form right?

 

If you tell him, you won't be the first or last client to tell him similar.

[IntrovertedTea]

If you don't intend on cheating then what exactly is it you hope to gain by telling him you are interested? Interested in what?

 

Does he know you have a bf?

Do you know if he has a gf?

 

Trainers touch their clients. Some more than others because like the other poster said bad form. But not just for that reason, they can tell who cares more about their form and who is just there to go through the motion of burning calories.

Perhaps your desire to impress him comes across in trying to get your form right?

 

If you tell him, you won't be the first or last client to tell him similar.

 

 

He knows that I have a bf and I know that he just came out of a very long term relationship. I also really enjoy boxing, I'm not really doing it to impress him.

 

I guess I will just wait for time to pass and my feelings will eventually fade away.

[HeartGoesOn]

So the question is: what should I do? Should I give him hints that I like him or should I just keep quiet and wait for these feelings to disappear?

^

If cheating is not your intention, why would you want to give him hints that you like him?

 

We're not perfect, we have some problems, but we really love each other. He knows that sometimes I have small crushes on other guys because I end up telling him, but he trusts me and he knows that I would never cheat on him.

^

Since you end up telling your boyfriend about your "small crushes", this can easily be simplified by asking his opinion on this crush...Problem solved, right?

[Matt3939]

Well someone beat me to the punch before I knew the more information. It makes absolutely no sense at all to say you want to be with this guy if you don't intend to follow thru.

[angrythoughts]

Uh if you have no intentions of dumping your bf and you love him/wanna be with him for the rest of your life then why are you posting about what move you should make in regards to another man?

 

It's wrong of you. I'm sure you wouldn't like if your boyfriend was crushing on another girl, talking to his boys about it and wondering what his next move should be. Look at it in that perspective and decide what you should do.

[Limiya]

I'm a little confused about what exactly you're asking.

I don't see what benefit you will receive by telling this boxing teacher you have a crush on him, if there is no chance of you allowing anything to come of it.

If you have no intention of leaving your boyfriend, then you should keep it to yourself and push those feelings aside.

 

Also, you said you're open with your boyfriend about having crushes. This would be something you should bring up with him if it's bothering you so much.

 

Good luck,

Limiya

[musicman777]

I been in martial arts for 16+ years and used to teach it so I am very familiar with this type of thing. Let me clear up one thing immediately; you're instructor touching your hips and fixing your position, that's NOT him flirting with you. that's him doing his job. You joined boxing, which is a hands-on contact sport, indiscriminate against age and gender. So yes, you are going to hit, touch people, and be touched. Get it? Now, I'm not saying that people never get attracted to one another in such a setting or anything (of course they do from time to time). But what I am saying is, I find it astronomically more likely that the man is just doing his job, teaching you and others how to box because that is what you went there for and paid for. He also probably enjoys his job in teaching boxing, because it's a fun and unique job, and he actually wants his students to excel at it. You are naturally attracted to the guy, therefore you are probably looking for and seeing things that aren't there. If you looked past your sexual desires for five seconds, you would probably notice he touches and helps out everyone else in the class, too.

 

Please help, because I feel like something is burning inside of me. It's very intense, almost like a drug.

 

Yeah, it's called being horny, lady. What should you do about it? You find a private time/place and use your hands and imagination to act out whatever fantasies you have of this boxing instructor. And you leave it at that. No, I'm not joking. Sexual desires/fantasies towards boxing instructor satisfied without flirting or cheating, keep taking up boxing with no weirdness, no hurt boyfriend, problem solved. And there's nothing wrong with being attracted to and having fantasies about other people when in a relationship. It's how you act on those impulses that make it right or wrong. You're entitled to and are allowed to have your own private sexual fantasies/desires. Have fun.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say but your friend is quite poor at "reading men". This guy is being friendly conducting a class and that's it. It's his job to help students with position etc.

 

It sounds like you feel flattered and your friend just fed into that. Are you unsure of your relationship or attractiveness?

She said to me that she felt like he is attracted to me as well because he sometimes touches my hips to correct my positioning. she said that she can read men pretty well and that he's clearly attracted to me.

I have a serious boyfriend. We have been living together for 4 years.

[radiance]

Totally agree with the above. Without actually being there none of us can know the full story, only your interpretation of it, but from my perspective there's nothing at all to confirm that this person is interested in you.

 

And like everyone else, I'm very confused why you'd be tempted to progress anything with this other person if you have no intention of cheating. That seems strange. Maybe you just like the idea of someone being attracted to you, even if nothing is going to come of it?

 

If anything, this whole thing just makes me wonder about the state of your relationship. Are you sure you're happy with your bf?

 

Also very disappointed in some of the responses on here. Especially the one implying that you could be the victim of some sort of violence from your bf. Please don't post things like that if they're unwarranted...

[Wolfshook]

It's like hitting on a waitress. She will respond because you are her customer.

 

I can only say that your posts dont add up, you want to tell your trainer about crush but not leave your bf?

 

Crushes happen all the time,what counts is what we do with them.

[abitbroken]

Maybe i did jump in too hard with both feet..but...

 

I'm not a cheater, but I can be a bit of a tease despite being very shy. Some guys tend to like that in me because it surprises them that a girl as shy can also be very sexual but in a subtle kind of way.

 

how do you know guys like that in you? Or is it your perception? When I was very young and very shy - things i said or worked up the courage to say were blown up much bigger in my mind than when they came out...like "this would be the important comment i make that will be momentus". I could say something to a guy and thought it was a huge hint that i had interest in them, was a big deal or was particularly suggestive, etc, and it would just be a throwaway comment that they would pay not much mind to and keep moving along in the group conversation. There was another time i planned to go up to a guy and wink at him or something. That was not a great move. luckily i played it off as having something in my eye. I don't think your boxing instructor is blown away by your feminine wiles "OMG, a shy girl actually is SEXY!"

 

Shy women are not some curiosity. Of course as a healthy, active, reasonably attractive young woman, no guy is going to look at you and say "i wonder if she has a sex drive?" They aren't going to even think that, at least most men.

 

So what is really going on? Are you seeking validation that men still find you alluring even though you are committed to a boyfriend ie "i've still got it?" Are you not satisfied in your relationship with him? What is it?

[johnnydanger]

Hello confused girl. My advice is to find a new boxing instructor, or continue the lessons and get this feeling out of your head. If or when you part ways with your common law spouse, then do whatever you want!

[JaggerJim]

If you were a single gal, I'd say go for it and jump him. But with having a serious boyfriend you can't do anything except look.

 

You could have the 7 year itch! If it itches, maybe it's time to scratch!

[homeless4eva]

It's normal to talk about it doesn't hurt. Hey do whatever make you happy