Received 2nd letter in a month, I can't even..

[sourhearts]

THINK.

 

I feel SICK. My chest is in knots.

 

I was chit chatting with my mom after I got home from the gym. And she says, "There's a letter for you on the kitchen table. It looks odd....again." I said, "NO, omg."

 

I don't even know where to start. Back history for those who don't know. I can use all the support here.

 

-3 year relationship with whom I thought was IT for me.

-Last year of the relationship went to crap.

-He broke up with me because he was financially stressed, slept with someone. Got back with me, confessed to THAT.

-Since then, the relationship went to crap, lack of trust, etc.

-To find out in April 2016, that he was talking on/off with some girl from another country.

-December 2016, I ask him if he was still talking to her. He says yes. And so happened to be that she was visiting the states.

-We break up, they hang out. She's flaunting it on Instagram, twitter. Talking trash about me.

-I go full NC. He sent me a letter January 27, a month ago, saying how he cannot stop thinking about me, how strong of a connection we have. And does it have to be the end? Bla bla bla..you can check last thread of mine

-Few days later he texts me, asking if I received it. I coldly say, "Yeah I got it." Proceed with, "What makes you think I want anything to do with you after everything that I know now? What'd your romance novel fizzle out already? I want nothing to do with you. Etc." He doesn't respond. I shut him out.

 

And here I am 30 something days of NC. And I get another letter...(I wish I can write the whole thing, I'll quote the significant parts.)

 

"I was always so happy when we were together. You were always so good to me, even when I was beyond terrible to you, and it was grossly unfair. This is why I have to tell you, from the deepest part of my heart: Sourhearts, I am so sorry. I am sorry for everything, for all that I put you through, undeservedly. You were the best girlfriend-partner- that I have ever had in my entire life and I threw it all away. You never deserved to be treated with such blatant disrespect, and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life."

 

"There are days when you are all I can think of, and those days I usually start crying to myself knowing that I will never have that again. I miss you Sourhearts. If I had one wish-only one-I wouldn't wish for money, or even super powers; I would wish for you. To have you back in my life, with me, as it once was. Because those days I was the happiest I have ever been, and I yearn for those days. I yearn for you."

 

"And as I type this through watery vision, all I can see is you and all I can hear is your voice. You are an absolute angel, and I am so sorry for taking you for granted."

 

Then he talks about his job, how he has a "new" car. Bla bla bla..

 

Starts ending with, "We should be together. It's the only thing that is right. We belong together. I would wish for that in a split second if I could. Is there ever, and I mean EVER a chance? Even a tiny, remote, impossible chance. Just tell me, please. I'm begging you. Tell me if there is a chance. I need to know, before I can die in peace (not literally). I need to hear you, even if I can't see you. Please write me back so that I can know your thoughts."

 

This letter was BY FAR more heart felt than the first. Of course I was in tears.

 

Now, I just received it last night. Haven't had much of a chance to THINK. I had work all day, came home mentally exhausted at the thought of this letter alone.

 

My brain is in shambles, I don't know what to do or think. My anxiety is high. I know sooner or later he's going to reach out asking if I received it.

 

Do I miss what we had? The first 2 wonderful years. Of course. The last year was SO AWFUL. Lie after lie after LIE. ESPECIALLY with that stupid online romance. Allowing that little online girlfriend of his to humiliate me. It's just so much BULL.

 

But on the other hand, we did have such an amazing connection. 2 peas in a pod. I've been in other relationships and the connection does not compare. He was my best friend.

 

I can't even see through my tears. I'll leave it here.

[abitbroken]

I am so sorry. I highly suggest that the next letter you receive, you write RETURN TO SENDER on and drop it in the mail.

 

You know the answer here - this man is a cheater and a liar several times over and on top of it, he deals with stress by cheating. Stay STRONG - Please block him on ALL social media, phone and text apps so that you can truly be free and don't look back. He probably was dumped again.

 

The only contact you should give him is a PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN.

[Clio]

Very sorry for your hurt. It sounds like you need some time to clear your head rather than react to your emotions. The problem is that it sounds like the first two years you only had a part idea of who he is -the good part. And then he showed you what he is capable of...Take all the time you need. It WILL get better.

[sourhearts]

Very sorry for your hurt. It sounds like you need some time to clear your head rather than react to your emotions. The problem is that it sounds like the first two years you only had a part idea of who he is -the good part. And then he showed you what he is capable of...Take all the time you need. It WILL get better.

 

Thank you. It's been 24 hours since I read the letter. This time last night. Next thing you know, I had to get ready for bed to be up this morning. My thoughts haven't settled. Thankfully I have off tomorrow. It's ME time. I WANT to respond to him. I don't want to call him. I don't know. I really don't. I'll figure it out.

[annie24]

I wonder if he is sending you these heart-felt letters (and was emailing with that girl in the other country over the summer) because he likes the thrill of the romantic emails and mails and messages.... Since you're not the "girlfriend" anymore, now it's interesting to tell you how much you mean to him.

 

hugs

[sourhearts]

(and was emailing with that girl in the other country over the summer) because he likes the thrill of the romantic emails and mails and messages....

 

Absolutely. 100%. On/off. He was getting some sick ego boost. At the cost of my feelings.

 

I'll never forget me 2 months ago when we first broke up and I found out that they were hanging out. My pain, my tears. Meanwhile, he was on cloud 9 with Miss I'mLookingForAGreenCard.

 

They don't realize what they had until it's gone.....................

[No1]

I feel you because I have been on both sides of this.

Receiving letters and reading these passionate filled lines that make you cry only leads to the question. Then why did you break up with me? Then re reading them, analyzing every line and all it does is generate more questions than you had before. So the best thing to do is A) Don't read them or B) Read them once, then you shred it and don't think of it or dwell on it, you accept that your X sent you a letter. Now on the other side of the coin.

 

I have been the one that has written the romantic "I love you no matter what" lines and I can tell you this. The letters you receive are not meant for you, they are meant for him. He wronged you and what he is doing is releasing his guilt. By saying how wonderful you are is a way to slowly forgiving himself what he did. He is telling you things so that he feels better and yet punishing himself at the same time. The letter is like a penance for him. By you reading it, makes him feel better about himself, not how you feel. If he did care how you felt, he wouldn't of sent the letters in the first place.

 

I like the idea of "Return to sender" or just shred it. Unless he packed the letter with money, there is no reason for you to open them up. Unless you want to cry like you did. And if he texts you about the letter? Don't even respond, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing.

 

In the end, this guy is a dirtbag, scum and he doesn't deserve you. You will be happy again.

[SherrySher]

Wow you sound like a strong woman! No really, you know what's what and although his words were meant to be tear jerking, I know you saw through it. You are so right, he went with this goofy girl in spite of his "love" for you. I am angry for you!!

Okay, deep breath...take a step back, don't let this get to you, you deserve so so much better. I know you know this. You will find a man who will love you and will never do these kinds of things to you. He is out there waiting to find you.

Get this jerk out of the way and open that door back up so you can find the man who is going to be good to you.

This guy is old news and he's done enough damage.

I wish you the best!!!

[Ms Darcy]

Burn that letter and any future letter he sends you.

 

He cheats in real life and writes down lies. What a waste of your time.

[sourhearts]

Wow you sound like a strong woman! No really, you know what's what and although his words were meant to be tear jerking, I know you saw through it. You are so right, he went with this goofy girl in spite of his "love" for you. I am angry for you!!

Okay, deep breath...take a step back, don't let this get to you, you deserve so so much better. I know you know this. You will find a man who will love you and will never do these kinds of things to you. He is out there waiting to find you.

Get this jerk out of the way and open that door back up so you can find the man who is going to be good to you.

This guy is old news and he's done enough damage.

I wish you the best!!!

 

Aw thank you. Made me smile.

 

I want to tell him. I would rather be with someone who I have a lesser connection with, BUT AT LEAST will forever ever ever be faithful to me.

[boltnrun]

A guy I used to date lied, cheated and hid things from me. So, I left him. Started dating someone else.

 

For FIVE years, the first guy pursued me. Told me over and over what a mistake he'd made, how much I meant to him, how he just hadn't realized what he'd had until he lost me for good, and that he LOVED me. Again, for FIVE years.

 

Finally, when I was feeling down (another guy I'd been dating started doing a slow fade and I felt crummy about it), I decided to give the first guy (five year pursuer) another chance.

 

Well...after a two month honeymoon period...he started lying, cheating and hiding things from me!

 

His excuse? "Well, you knew what I was like and you came back anyway, so I figured you must have liked the way I treated you"!

 

Going back a third time will prove to him that no matter what he does to you, you'll forgive him and come back. So he never needs to treat you any better because he knows he "has" you.

 

Do you really want to go back for more? Do you honestly think a man capable of that kind of callousness toward you has "changed"???

 

Do you WANT to believe this "romance" will have a happy ending? Because if you really, really want to believe it, no advice in the world will make a difference. You'd have to live and learn.

 

I really hope you've already lived and learned.

[sourhearts]

boltnrun, yes I remember your story in 1 of my theads. And wow..did you finally break it off with him once and for all?

 

..I don't know what planet my ex lives on that he thinks things can go back to normal. Even if I did return, I wouldn't be the same. I would be a bitter woman. Just knowing everything ..

 

I'm starting to reflect here.

[boltnrun]

He's been out of my life for 8 years.

 

And no matter what pretty words he may think of, I will never go back.

 

Fortunately for me he's in a very volatile relationship that takes up most of his time and attention. He bugged me once in a while but I just blocked him. End of problem.

[sourhearts]

I don't know why..this just occurred to me.

 

I can see him twiddling is fingers, bouncing in his seat. After sending that letter, thinking, "Yeah this shall do it." Feeling all proud.

 

He knows I'm a romantic and I always loved those heart felt letters .. but no, not this time around. Not when he's pretty much killed the love I once had for him.

 

I might send him an email tomorrow. Not sure how to go about this entirely...yet. But I do have words to say. Last time I spoke to him over 30 days ago after 1st letter, I pretty much told him to go F himself LOL.

 

This time. I'll be a lady about it. I'll tell him, I loved who you were....but everything is too broken. And it's better to leave it that way and walk I don't have the energy to work on it anymore. I gave my all for a year and everything just crumbled before my eyes.

[MissCanuck]

I would not give him the pleasure of a response.

 

Ever.

[Coily]

I'm mostly in agreement with everyone saying either "return to sender" or "no response." However there is a third, maybe a bit fun way to respond. Create a short form letter, Rejecting his application.

 

 

To Whom it may concern

 

We do not appreciate that you took the time to re-apply for the position of (______). We received applications from many more qualified people. After reviewing your submitted application materials, we have decided that we will not offer you an interview nor anything but a cease and desist letter. We no longer appreciate that you are interested in our company. Please do not apply again in the future.

Again, No need to re apply. We wish you all the indifference.

 

Management

[Wiseman2]

Agree. It sounds like every time a gigs situation doesn't turn out he sends this self-serving drivel.

 

Have you blocked and deleted him from everything? Is that why he sends snail-mail? Agree "return to sender" is the cure for these intrusions on your peace and moving on.

parts.)"I was always so happy when we were together. You were always so good to me, even when I was beyond terrible to you, and it was grossly unfair. This is why I have to tell you, from the deepest part of my heart: Sourhearts, I am so sorry. I am sorry for everything, for all that I put you through, undeservedly. You were the best girlfriend-partner- that I have ever had in my entire life and I threw it all away.

 

]

[DancingFool]

My my heart breaks for your pain and what this guy put you through. At the same time the smarmy drivel he put in that letter turned my stomach.

 

Others have already said everything that needs to be said, so I'll just add on to those who said don't bother responding to him. The truth is that he doesn't deserve your effort and an even bigger truth is that any response from you, the very fact that you took the time, will just serve to flatter his ego. He will see you as weak and still open to further manipulation. Deafening silence is all he needs to hear from you and that's the only thing that will stop the madness. Granted, he might intensify it for a bit and send you more letters, flowers, etc trying to break you down and force a response, however, do just refuse to accept them all. Return to sender all. There is no romance in what he is doing, there is only manipulation. You already know the truth about him and that doesn't change.

 

I also agree wholeheartedly that he very likely gets off on this thrill of the chase, writing romantic drivel, be it e-mails or snail mail, hoping to rope in weak women.....and it works.....sometimes.....sadly..... YOU are smarter and stronger and will not be part of his rotating stable ever again though, right? Right.

[surfdiva]

Ugh, I'm SO sorry...I know exactly what you're going through. My ex of over 3 years did this to me THREE times. I took him back each time. He begged, pleaded...told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him...he'd spend his life making it up to me. Ya know what, he was full of it. PLEASE don't do what I did and go back to him. He hasn't changed, he just wants you back...but he blew it and you deserve better. You know you do. Burn the letter, continue NC and if he sends another letter, return to sender.

 

Stay strong, you can do it, remind yourself you can do better.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately these "get your ex back" sample and template letters are all over the internet : [url="

[DancingFool]

Unfortunately these "get your ex back" sample and template letters are all over the internet : [url="

 

Oh good grief....it's like he copied that sample and just embellished and personalized it slightly. That's.....creepy.....

[SherrySher]

Templates, really?! Wow....

[Ms Darcy]

Unfortunately these "get your ex back" sample and template letters are all over the internet : [url="

 

OMG, OMG, OMG .... he TOTALLY copied, pasted, and edited that template for your letter.

[sourhearts]

Thank you everyone for the feedback!!! I went against what most said on here. I emailed him last night. I stayed up til 3am writing a letter up. I had to. The urge was in me. I couldn't sleep.

 

I pretty much said .. that the damage is too great to go back. I have nothing more to give.

 

"I'm sorry, A, but I can never believe in your words again. I'm incapable of giving right now. All I gave to you, was thrown in the gutter and now it's gone. In the end, you killed the love that I once had for you by hurting me so much. I love us, I love the greatness that we had. The memories, but whether you want to admit it or not. You emotionally cheated on me. You've lied to me 1 too many times. How many more times can I allow someone to hurt me? It's inhumane.

I walk with my head help up high because at least I KNOW that I did everything I could to salvage this relationship. I never cheated, I never lied to you. I never tried to hurt you. I wanted the BEST for you. For us. Sometimes I feel like I created a monster out of you, A. I gave you the self-confidence boost you never had and you fled away with it. I now see what you're capable of, you've showed me that all within a year. And it's scary how easily you would look at me in the face and lie without hesitation."

 

And then I ended it with, "I will always think of you." ..with some of sappy memories.

 

And that I wish him the best.

 

Love, Southearts.

 

 

 

I sent it at 3AM.

[Wiseman2]

Good letter. At least it's not a copy/paste off the internet and comes from the heart.

 

But now that it's done...consider it a message in a bottle that doesn't require a response.

"I'm sorry, A, but I can never believe in your words again. I'm incapable of giving right now. All I gave to you, was thrown in the gutter and now it's gone. In the end, you killed the love that I once had for you by hurting me so much. I love us, I love the greatness that we had. The memories, but whether you want to admit it or not. You emotionally cheated on me. You've lied to me 1 too many times. How many more times can I allow someone to hurt me? It's inhumane.

I walk with my head help up high because at least I KNOW that I did everything I could to salvage this relationship. I never cheated, I never lied to you. I never tried to hurt you. I wanted the BEST for you. For us. Sometimes I feel like I created a monster out of you, A. I gave you the self-confidence boost you never had and you fled away with it. I now see what you're capable of, you've showed me that all within a year. And it's scary how easily you would look at me in the face and lie without hesitation."