BFF and Boyfriend

[Oceangirl921]

Okaaay so recently my boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch. I was talking with my best friend via text about what was going on. I let her know that I was in contact with him to discuss what our break was, that it wasn't a free for all and we should just have some space to think. It wasn't an experiencing other people kinda break.

 

So she asked if I was in contact with him and I tell her I was to discuss break terms since he will be away in another state. (The break was my idea not his to let us both have some time to breathe and think about our relationship) She goes on to say that since there will be drinking and that he has been unfaithful in relationships before (in high school and before I knew him) that she has a gut feeling that he will cheat on me.

 

First off, being one of my best friends I wouldn't expect her to vocalize this apparent "gut feeling" even if she had it because I was going through a rough time with this break and all. I explained to her briefly that I really didn't wanna hear that right now. And I trust him fully. She didn't say much after the fact and didn't apologize either. So then the next day I realized how much that hurt me and bothered me that she said that, so I told her how it hurt me and all that. I sent her this text last night and she has yet to respond.

 

She has had not very many good experiences with boyfriends. Or guys in general included being cheated on. We started dating people around the same time, I'm currently still with my guy. She had found out three months into her relationship he had cheated. Im assuming her response has to do with her past but still..

 

I feel like she should have responded if we are in fact best friends?!

[Wiseman2]

She was trying to give you a head's up, but it didn't sound comforting.

[newtothegame98]

Just to clarify: are you suspicious of her intentions at all? If she is your best friend, she seems like she was just being honest. It may have come off harsh, but she sounds sure of herself. Does she know him well?

 

YOU are choosing to take a break, so is he not allowed to see other people? If this is all bothering you: 1. Why are you worried about a guy you are on a "break" with? & 2. Why get mad at your 'best friend' when she gives you some tough love- or in her mind advice.

 

I can see where you're coming from here. However, you've written this whole story ; and now are getting upset when people are reading it for what it is.

 

You seem to be wanting a lot from people. Your bf for not wanting him to be with people, when YOU chose to break. As well as your best friend when she doesn't tell you what YOU want to hear when you ask for her advice. This is tough, but I wish you luck.

[Oceangirl921]

She has maybe hung out with him a total of two times. She only knows him through me. We do give each other tough love and are very honest with each other.

 

But after the fact I wanted to have a conversation with her how hurtful it was when I was going through a tough time. And yes it wasn't a seeing other people kind of break.

[newtothegame98]

She has maybe hung out with him a total of two times. She only knows him through me. We do give each other tough love and are very honest with each other.

 

But after the fact I wanted to have a conversation with her how hurtful it was when I was going through a tough time. And yes it wasn't a seeing other people kind of break.

 

Well, if she doesn't eventually respond, reconsider your friendship. However, I doubt this will be the case. Friendships need space and time too, just like relationships. When she contacts you, just be honest about how you felt.

[Clio]

Sounds to me like you are using this incident to take out the pain of the break on her/use her as a distraction from what's really bothering you. She just tried to warn you based on her experience, which is what friends tend to do, and once you told her your objection she stopped. If you are in fact best friends, she shouldn't have to apologize for trying to protect you. Best friends aren't meant to be used as emotional punching bags to distract stress.

[annie24]

It's one of those "harsh truths" that she's saying. She probably didn't need to say that out loud to you. I think you're probably hurt about the situation with your bf/ex and kind of directing that hurt towards her. Now, I don't know if he will cheat on you or meet someone else during that time. your friend can't possibly know either. She doesn't have a crystal ball, neither do we. I mean, it happens often, but sometimes it doesn't. That being said, you don't need to be too harsh with her. Maybe wait a few days for things to calm down and reach out to her.

[angrythoughts]

She did nothing wrong. She's being honest and when you expressed you didn't want to hear it right now she stopped... it's not like she was drowning you in negativity.

 

Aren't friends supposed to be honest? She said he may very well cheat on you. You trust him but you're probably blinded by love. Deep down inside maybe you don't trust him which is why what she said bothered you so much... because you too believe what she said.

 

I think you being mad at her is more of a reflection of your own thoughts and not her actions.

[SherrySher]

She was only trying to give you another perspective. She has been cheated on and she knows the pain and doesn't want you to ever feel the same so was trying to give you advice just in case.

She wasn't trying to hurt you by the sounds of it, or upset you, she was trying to protect you. Even if you felt there was no place for her to mention cheating, a difference in opinions should be okay between two close friends.

 

@angrythoughts ..That little dog in your profile pic angrythoughts..lol, he is so adorable.

[j.man]

So what? You emotionally vented. She took it as a way to do it herself, albeit a bit vicariously. Some people offer support by relating and introducing their own relevant experiences. People aren't robots and there's no guarantee they'll provide the lines you want to hear. It's the risk you run when you choose to air your dirty laundry. Now you know to seek emotional support from different friends.

 

As for her lack of response, I'm sure if she wanted to deal with dramatic texts, she'd get go get a whiny boyfriend.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. "breaks as an excuse to cheat" is a generic type of theory she wanted to run by you.

People aren't robots and there's no guarantee they'll provide the lines you want to hear.

 

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[angrythoughts]

She was only trying to give you another perspective. She has been cheated on and she knows the pain and doesn't want you to ever feel the same so was trying to give you advice just in case.

She wasn't trying to hurt you by the sounds of it, or upset you, she was trying to protect you. Even if you felt there was no place for her to mention cheating, a difference in opinions should be okay between two close friends.

 

@angrythoughts ..That little dog in your profile pic angrythoughts..lol, he is so adorable.

 

Haha thank you!