Breaking up sucks.

[unrequited26]

I want to tell my story because I think it will make me feel better to get it out, and would like other people's opinions. I'm 26 and female.

I was in what I thought was a perfect relationship for a little over 2 1/2 years. We lived together for almost 2 years of that. We joked that we were the same person but opposite genders. He told me I was the most laid back woman he'd ever met. He made me feel special for a long time.

He started slacking off a lot at work (he worked from home a lot and would just sit in his pjs all day, not shower, not do anything). He was also playing video games on his pc for close to 12 hours a day. Playing video games was his passion, so it was normal for him to be playing a lot. But not this much. He got home from work one day and was giving me the silent treatment. I asked what was wrong, he told me his boss came up to him and basically said he wasn't trying hard enough. So for the next few weeks, he was going to work more often. Still playing 10+ hours a day of video games most days. He continued to be distant, but he assured me it was because of work. We then got a puppy...we played with him a lot and I thought things were going to be looking up. Then a couple of weeks after we got the puppy, he started being distant again. I had to practically beg him to spend time with me, when we used to spend so much time together. I spent a lot of time alone, watching netflix or listening to music with our dogs while he played video games.

We went on a little trip to a lake, and had an absolute blast together. Again, I thought things were looking better for our relationship. We had fun together.

He went to his parents' the next weekend, and broke up with me that sunday when he got home. He never had suggested this before. He said he loved me, but didn't feel "in love" with me anymore. That we were headed down separate paths. That I was such a great person, and deserved someone that treated me "right".

I was completely moved out a couple weeks later. I was staying with my Mom starting the night we broke up. I tried a few times to talk to him in person about it before I moved out, about whether we could work this out. He said "It's not any one thing you did, but the realization that you aren't the one for me anymore." I will never forget those words. He even said that he wanted us to be friends again one day, because he felt like he was losing his best friend. I told him I could not be his friend.

It has been six months since we broke up, and I still feel sad about it every single day. If I hear a song or see something that makes me think of him, I still tear up. I'm better now that I was, at first I could not function. I didn't eat for weeks. I lost 20lbs seemingly overnight. (I am a thin, fit person) People at work were concerned about me. I think right after christmas-time I started feeling a little better because I knew that it was truly over. I have not spoke to him since the break up, except one time a month after, for his ssn to transfer my cell phone to a different company. He has not tried to contact me whatsoever, and I have held up with no-contact as well.

We had a perfect relationship for so long, and it ended very abruptly for me. I'm sure he had mulled this over for a while, but never said anything to me about us having "problems". Just went silent on me and ignored me.

I am still trying to move on. I have dated several people since then, but haven't felt that same way about any of them. Our relationship was special to me.

How long did it take you to get over your most precious relationship? Do you think that he stopped caring about wanting to put any effort into our relationship? Any thoughts on this are welcome.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Long time to be together. Agree with him that it's probably nothing you did. Just curious why you moved in after 6 mos?

 

Looking back to you think he got sucked into video games and just withdrew into that world?

 

Did you ever talk about kids, marriage, future, etc? Were you on the same page about those things?

[Jibralta]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Talking and writing about it will probably help. Unfortunately, there's no telling why he broke up with you, which probably makes the pain even worse.

 

Do you think that he stopped caring about wanting to put any effort into our relationship?

 

Actually, one thing that stood out to me was that he put so little effort into your relationship. He spent the vast majority of his time in your presence, interacting with video games. I think that over time, as the pain fades, it will fully dawn upon you exactly how alone you were in this relationship.

 

Hang in there. I know it's hard.

[Clio]

Sounds like he blamed your relationship for his slacking off work and getting into trouble instead of his gaming addiction. Your begging to spend more time with him instead of calling him out on his neglect may have also led to loss of respect and attraction. Regardless, there was nothing you could have done. Sounds like he was too immature/ not ready to settle down so the relationship ran its course and ended. You need to take him off the pedestal. He stopped being the person you remember. Or he was never that person to begin with. Plus, people change. He changed to the point you are no longer compatible. The person you remember no longer exists. You are not missing out though, someone who didn't see you as the One is not the One either. Good luck with your healing.