throwaway0203 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Hi. This is about me (31M) and my girlfriend (32F) of 8 years. I'm typing this with one arm as I've just came out of surgery following a bad bike crash and as such I've had a lot of time to think this week about my relationship. Basically, my girlfriend and I were great for years and lived many places. We returned from New Zealand (she wished to return to Europe) to my home country so I got a job in a rural town as we planned a move to a city in my or her country. Immediately she wanted to move to study so I job hunted. Meanwhile she got an entry level job that suited her. About 3-6 months go by, I get a job 2 hours away. Talk it through and she agrees but wants to work her notice of few months. She then gets offered a promotion/degree paid via her work. I've already started my job a few months now and got a new apartment etc. She tries to commute, but then the trouble starts to emerge. She says she didn't really miss me when we were apart and she's staying for 3-4 years in the town. I'm heartbroken and struggle a lot. We talk/keep trying but a few weeks later she wants time apart/break. During this month I accept we're done and try to get on with life. However, she comes back emotional and wants to try. The long distance isn't bad for a few months and it seems ok. However, she starts to want to buy a cheap house (i pay all city rent/bills) and starts planning more weekends there. We revert to the coldness. I've been depressed for a few weeks and again am the only one to talk of issues. She says I'm not trying enough. I should go to her (she uses my car...) so I agree and try. Hence the mountain biking. She had planned without telling then guilt tripped me into going. I had to arrange with a friend I knew a bit down there to borrow his spare bike. I basically ed my arm for life because I was scared to tell her no. I was then scared/nervous when I couldn't contact her after surgery as she'd have a go. She then left me for 3 hours in the discharge lounge as "she wrapped up work" and drove me to my parent's to dump me (need help doing basic things for 2 weeks minimum). Had no calls this week. A message or two saying "How's the arm?" with not much affection/sympathy. Asked me "What you doing this weekend?" which just pissed me off. It just made me realise how much of a walkover I've been. I don't think she loves or respects me... just likes me hanging around to control me even. I don't really know how to end it. I don't even want to talk or see her again at this stage. tl;dr: Girlfriend slowly breaking up with me over a year. Broken arm has made me realise I should do it myself.
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Sorry to hear this, both about the arm and the situation. It's good you've had time to reflect while recovering. Her lame responses to your arm seems like she's really checking out. Sorry.
Clio Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Sorry about your arm. Breaking up sounds like the right thing to do. Make sure that you don't do things you feel uncomfortable with in your next relationships. Protecting your personal boundaries remains YOUR responsibility at all times.
Jibralta Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Girlfriend slowly breaking up with me over a year. Broken arm has made me realise I should do it myself. Yup, I'd say that's a good synopsis! It's sad, because you invested many years into this relationship. But wouldn't you rather have a partner who is willing to take care of you when you are hurt?
throwaway0203 Posted March 3, 2017 Author Posted March 3, 2017 Yes, I mean... we've been all but married the last few years and she doesn't seem to care. I don't know why we didn't just split half a year ago...
Jibralta Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I don't know why we didn't just split half a year ago... Well, one reason could be that you hoped for things to get better, to perhaps return to what they once were. Chances are, you care deeply for her, even despite the fact that the relationship is no longer working. Another reason could be that the relationship is a familiar, safe place for you. And finally, it's hard to let go of something into which you've invested so much time and effort.
limichelle Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I'm sorry about your arm and your situation. I think she showed her true feelings towards the relationship by how she reacted to your arm. It should be easy to break it off since you both have grown apart. I would like the others suggest find someone who cares about you and I'm happy that you will no longer be a doormat. Eight years is a long time but remember she isn't the same girl you fell in love with. Lisa
BeenThereB4 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 Get your car back now! Have your parents go pick it up. If she gives you any trouble, call the cops and report a car theft.
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