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Ex broke up the relationship, and said we could stay friends and I agreed...


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If you look at my previous posts I go into detail on my breakup, and how the end of last week went. To briefly explain, we kept talking and everything seemed fine, like we were moving into a friendship stage. Something I didn't want, but hey it's over I've been trying to move on. Thursday we went to get lunch together, and she ended up holding my hand. It sparked some hopefullness but I knew that I shouldn't let it grow. Friday I shot her a text to remind her of something she told me to remind her of earlier in the week. Which she thanked me for and told me about her night thus far.

 

Then Monday came, as I've explained in my last post. She went to an interview she had told me about all of last week. I sent a text saying good luck, which she said thank you sir with a smile. Then came Tuesday, since the break up I really never started the conversations, I would let her do it, but since Tuesday she has been avoiding me it feels like. It feels like she's cutting off all communications, but to me it feels odd, maybe childish? Not sure what term to use, since she was the one to say "We can still be friends" but at the momemt she's not acting as such.

 

I have noticed that she has really amped up her interactions with some people who always made me feel uncomfortable during our relationship. One person in that group is a guy who she advised me one night she had invited over for pizza and drinks, but then that never occurred as I ended up going over while we were still a thing. I got jealous at that, and her rebuttal was that "I can't have guy friends" which I told her of course. At the time, and I believe to this day that group of people did not know she and I were dating. That is because there is a no dating policy within departments at our job. Everyday this week I have seen that guy visit here and she visits him, which to me seems like she's moved on and may have a thing with him. Even though she always told me she didn't see anything in him when we were a thing. Then there's another guy who always would and still does, even today, buys her food, and I felt weird vibes from him as well. I heard stories of him throughout the building that he was a huge flirt, and actually tried and slept with workers. I warned her to be careful when we were together as I didn't want anything happening but she always advised me that nothing would happen, as he is definitely not her type. He was too fat in her opinion. She made that pretty clear to me. To me they were like bestfriends, he even got her and her daughter Christmas presents. Still it always made me jealous when he would come by and visit, just human nature I guess?

 

My thing now is trying to understand her. She told me that she wanted to be friends, and when she told me that, it was so very hard to take as everything was fresh. But in the last two weeks I have tried to grow and put our relationship in the past, but then things like last week made me feel like I had a chance again. I knew I couldn't rush it and to take it day by day, but I really came to the agreement that we could just be friends. Now I'm over thinking and am confused/lost at why she would say any of that and not mean it or disregard it entirely now. It's like she has me in NC but then again I was really trying to do that to her. I don't feel like she is doing NC but then again who am i to say what she's doing.

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She is NOT doing NC. She has moved on and you should too. There is too much grey area and if you want to tread you should go to the Getting Back Together forum and post there to really have a chance of not just possible winning her back but getting yourself back. You seem lost.

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You need to go nc. A dumper oftentimes drops the 'let's be friends' line in order to feel less guilty and/or keep the dumpee around as a safety net/plan b. Once they feel better, they drop him/her. You got jealous of other men while you were still together. It is unrealistic to think that you can handle seeing her with other men now that you are apart, given that you still have feelings for her. Do yourself a favor and skip the friendship-with-ex drama. It's really not worth it and agreeing to it was a mistake.

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