Tombo7891 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I've posted my story over in getting back together, but I am past that point in the grieving process, and realize that I'm trying to heal and not have false hope of getting back together. My ex ended the relationship almost four months ago now and I'm not going to say that I've healed because I still think about her everyday. But I'm healing! I still break down once and a while, my mind wonders and thinks about all the things that I wish I could have done better, or shown her how much I loved her. But it doesn't occupy my mind 24/7 like a couple months ago. I've turned my focus on trying to heal myself and man is it hard. I realized that I have a lot to work on my metal health and it isn't easy. Although I love her I was using her as a crutch for happiness to some degree and that wasn't fair to either of us. I still see my ex once a week normally, strictly to pick up the dog that we had together. I pick it up from daycare once a week and spend some time with him/ allow him not to be locked in the crate all day. I realize this wont last forever but I do it for the dog in the mean time. I know people will say i'm holding on to my ex by not doing strict NC, but I'm doing a good job of NIC. So basically I'll talk to her for a few minutes every week when she grabs him. Its brief but we make small talk about whats going on in our lives she'll give me a big hug then she takes off and we don't talk again until she messages me about the dog the next week. However there have been a couple weeks where the dog didn't go to daycare and she always seems to tag me in something on facebook or send me a short text, breadcrumbs I know, but its like she always needs some sort of interaction. But last week when she grabbed the dog, she got out of the car to talk and it was pretty chilly. She walked over to me and walked into my arms expecting me to hug her and keep her warm, which I did. I did't really think anything of it, until I realized how much it threw me off. Just the fact of her showing that little bit of affection made me miss her so much more. What do you guys think? am I holding myself back? I realize some of the problems that our relationship had, I'm using it as a time to learn and better myself. Relationships never have one person who is totally to blame. We both have things that we need to work on. I really want to get comfortable being on my own. I'm finding myself being very lonely and down at times. I'm in my late 20s an get scared that I won't find another girl that I'll fall for, or will have a family anytime soon. It sounds silly when I write it out, but this is all stuff that constantly goes through my head and eats at me.
gebaird Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Although you may be doing a kindness to your canine, I don't think you are doing a kindness to yourself by persisting in this arrangement. Wanting to snuggle for a minute doesn't mean she wants you back. It just means old habits die hard. If you really want to see where she's at, ask her about getting back together. My guess is her response will set you back in your healing process. But at least you'll know what you are facing. When you can find the strength, I highly recommend no contact. What you're doing now is like removing a band-aid a millimeter at a time. Just rip that thing off, already. It will hurt at first, but in the long run the pain will be less if you just let her go.
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 The real test will be when you want to start dating again. It will be hard to explain seeing your ex this much.
vesper Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 get scared that I won't find another girl that I'll fall for, or will have a family anytime soon. It sounds silly when I write it out, but this is all stuff that constantly goes through my head and eats at me. You can ALWAYS find someone else. There are plenty of fish in the sea and there might be a partner out there that is better for you.
Tombo7891 Posted March 3, 2017 Author Posted March 3, 2017 Although you may be doing a kindness to your canine, I don't think you are doing a kindness to yourself by persisting in this arrangement. Wanting to snuggle for a minute doesn't mean she wants you back. It just means old habits die hard. If you really want to see where she's at, ask her about getting back together. My guess is her response will set you back in your healing process. But at least you'll know what you are facing. When you can find the strength, I highly recommend no contact. What you're doing now is like removing a band-aid a millimeter at a time. Just rip that thing off, already. It will hurt at first, but in the long run the pain will be less if you just let her go. Deep down I realize that it probably is the best for me. The thing is I'm starting to have the moments more often now where I realize that there wasn't that bell going off in my head say that she was the one. It was more of a question than me feeling everything was great. I'll be gone for the majority of April so I think that will be a good time to phase it out. When I come back strict NC will probably be close to 4 weeks and it will be an easy transition (if there is such a thing) Wiseman is right as well, when either of us get into a new relationship obviously something would change. Vesper I think what I'm struggling with is the fact that it took me 26 years to find her. I don;t know if I am really picky but it just seemed like I never clicked with any girls before that. The amount of dates I've been on and I just don't get that feeling of 'this could go somewhere." So I get nervous because I don;t want to settle to be in a relationship. I want to truly be in love, as corny as that sounds.
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