This girl

[justaFunnyguy]

Hey fellas, first time posting here! a bit of story, hope you will read it trough

 

So it all began with me texting this girl trough tinder, I've known her for a a while, we've met at several parties and we also have mutual friends. So she was together with one of my ex-best friends for about a year. It was unhealthy relationship, she had broke up with him inside her head, long before she actually decided to end it with her. She was really hurt over this guy, anyways we match on tinder and I start the conversation with some flirty texts, she didn't respond much back but I could feel abit of connection. We began to text each other on messenger back and fourth about everything, she helped me with some of my emotional problems and so on. We then meet at party, and I flirted with her and I went in for the kiss. She stopped and said "I need to ask my flirt where we stand, before I can kiss you" I was speechless and immediately leaved her to find someone else at the party to flirt with, before I leaved I said "If I like a girl, I don't go and kiss other girls" which was pretty stupid because I tried kissing 2 other girls at the party, although I got denied. I then went back to talk with her and we kissed. The next day she texted me about the "If I like a girl, I don't go and kiss other girls" thing I said to her. And unfortunate the 2 girls is her friends, and told her about me trying to kiss them. I made some cheesy comment about it, and I don't think it bothered her too much. Moving forward we kissed a 2 other occasions and slept together at a friends house, only cuddling. Then I wrote to her if we had a 'thing' she didn't understood what I meant. I thought alright I need to move on, at this point I had some feelings for her so I was a bit disappointed. Anyway we meet at a club for new years eve, I tried to kiss her but she rejected it. I couldn't understand, we started dancing at the club and had a great time, then suddenly a boy comes over and starts kissing her, I got so mad/sad that I left the club. She texted me the next day why I suddenly left, I explained I liked her and she kissed just in front of me. She didn't apologize and I didn't expect one either, since she didn't what I felt for her and we weren't in a relationship anyways. Now some weeks ago I went out with a group of friends, within this group of friends it was me, the girl I just explained you about, a ex-flirt of mine, a good friend of mine, and a friend of the I like. So we drink and have fun, I started to get waaaaay to drunk, that I had a blackout for about 3 hours at the club where I had no memory of what I've done. The next morning I get a text for my ex-flirt she needed to talk to me and she apologized for crying the whole night, I didn't remember her crying because I was way too drunk. I said sure, come over and we can talk. We talked, and I had no idea why she was actually crying, so I asked her when she was done talking why she crying, I laughed inside myself a bit, she told me I had been kissing with the other girl (the one I like) and holding hands with her the whole night. I said "you got to be kidding me, I can't remember any of that" And I genuinely mean this, I have never ever been so drunk that I couldn't remember stuff like this.

 

I couldn't give a less damn about this ex-flirt because she was being really weird, and she already have a boyfriend at this point. She suggested I shouldn't kiss with other girls in front of her or I should do with a girl I was in relationship with. I explained her she must be out of her mind, she doesn't have any influence what I can or cannot do, and this is all extra weird because she have a boyfriend. Anyways she left after we spent 2 hours talking, Now I got a text from other girl (crush) that we needed to talk. I said sure lets talk, she explained that I've been saying that I had feelings for her, and got jealous when other guys are around her. I thought oh god no, I just promised myself not to go for this girl anymore, and I don't want to hurt her, she asked me if it was true and I said "If i spent the whole night kissing with you, I know for a fact that I have feelings for you" I am so mad for not remembering this, because this would have me liked this girl even more. So we end the conversation, and she go out next with and get drunk. She texts "why can't you remember we kissed and held hands?!" I explained "As much as I want to remember, I genuinely can't remember" this was 4.AM in the morning, and she was on her way home from her night out, she complained about she didn't want to sleep at her friends house. I said if you don't got any options you can sleep at mine. She said she would figure it out and text me back, she ended up sleeping with her friend. I was a bit confused because if she came over, I would had liked to explain her how sorry I was, for not remembering. She then said we could find a day to watch a movie, I said sure. Moving 1 week forward, I invited her for a night out with a big group of friends. She was a bit sick and didn't feel well. I then changed my mind about going out, and she asked if she wanted to be my excuse for not going out. I said sure, we can watch some movies and chill. She didn't said she would sleep at my place, but when she said she would be at my place at 9 AM I knew what she was thinking. So I bought some sweets and some cola. We watched a movie, heard some music, laughed together and talked about everyday stuff. Suddenly she says "Let's go to bed" I was like, I hope you didn't come over just to sleep. We throw our clothes off and begin to cuddle, then kiss, you can guess the rest. After some cardio she took her hands to her head, and said I'am so confused. I said whats on your mind (bear in mind she is really bad to talk about her feelings) she started to explain she doesn't feel the sparkle with me, and she is not ready to commit yet. I got a little bit mad, and thought "did you just come over for sex then" of course I didn't say this, but just took in what she told. She stayed with me till the middle of the next day. I ignored her for a week, to give her some space and not to be too clingy. She then texted me "we need to talk about this, because I'am going out and I so bad at explaining myself when I'm drunk" I called her, and she said "we need to stop this, I like you but I am not ready for commitment, and I am focusing a lot on my education right now" I thought it was a pretty lame excuse to use the education card, and actually said this to her and she replied that it is genuinely because of her education (which is probably true, because she is really focused on getting good grades, as she Finnish her education in 3 months)

 

moving 1 week forward, I went out again (I know, i'm a goddamn alcoholic) got so pissed, that I texted her "you've been using me" she said we needed to talk about the next day, we did and she explained that it made her sad that I told her her that, because she didn't at all and genuinely liked me, and she didn't the last 3 months only seeing me. I was a bit flattered, but still mad over that she wouldn't be in a relationship, I told her I cannot wait for you and I need to move on, so give me some space so that I can stop thinking about you. She agreed, and we are only texting here and there. But she is still giving me some flirty hints, this girl is confusing the hell out of me, and I've chased her for so long while her friends said that she is mentally ill, and not ready for a relationship, and she is cold as ice. I didn't listen to them and gave her chance to proof herself, and it turned out great I guess.

 

SO MY QUESTION IS: What do I do on this point? my own suggestion is to go out and meet other girls, but it is really hard to stop thinking about her, also she is really confused about her feelings and commitment, and I dont wanna screw anything up if she is confused, nor do I wanna wait for her to be ready, because I can't. Maybe it is just better to stay friends with her? we share a lot of the same hobbies, we can laugh together etc. But I feel it would be a bit weird to see her again after all this, and I might just catch more feelings spending time with her again.

[Wiseman2]

This sounds like the best bet. There's too much who's flirt is doing what and who kissed who at parties nonsense games. Do you want to be in the friendzone with her?

my own suggestion is to go out and meet other girls

[Dahl]

nor do I wanna wait for her to be ready, because I can't.

 

Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

I'm not sure that you've got a great number of options, given your conclusion, above. Even if you weigh your pros and cons, won't it always come down to this?

[JaggerJim]

She's all over the place. Too much drama. Her idea of committment isn't the same as yours. She sounds like she's looking for a good-time with whomever at the time.

 

If your looking for a serious girlfriend, look elsewhere because she isn't the one.

[justaFunnyguy]

This sounds like the best bet. There's too much who's flirt is doing what and who kissed who at partiesnonsense games. Do you want to be in the friendzone with her?

 

I guess I can just keep her as a friend and still go out, if she then changes her mind about me, I can't really tell if I wanna deny her, I tend to ignore/freeze girls out that have made me feel bad, so she is gonna say/do something big to convince me.

[justaFunnyguy]

The drama part I can relate to, never seen so much drama about one girl, also her commitment wasn't the same as mine, I know. But she kinda hinted me towards she would have a relationship and for that I'am a bit mad on her.

[Wiseman2]

I'm guess she's hot and you seem willing to put up with this crap as a result, right?

I can't really tell if I wanna deny her, I tend to ignore/freeze girls out that have made me feel bad, so she is gonna say/do something big to convince me.

[justaFunnyguy]

I'm guess she's hot and you seem willing to put up with this crap as a result, right?

 

She is actually not hot nor ugly, I would place myself over her from 1-10 (douche I know) but we connect so good that I she will be a little bit harder to forget than any other girl I've been with.

[justaFunnyguy]

double post.

[justaFunnyguy]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

I'm not sure that you've got a great number of options, given your conclusion, above. Even if you weigh your pros and cons, won't it always come down to this?

 

Thanks!

 

and yeah you are right

[Dahl]

Thanks!

 

and yeah you are right

 

Anytime!

 

Sorry Good luck.

[justaFunnyguy]

Anytime!

 

Sorry Good luck.

 

thanks I'll be alright, just takes me some time to process these things, I will take this as a learning experience and move forward.

[Dahl]

thanks I'll be alright, just takes me some time to process these things, I will take this as a learning experience and move forward.

 

Excellent approach.

 

A friend told me once that he believed in the idea that there are essentially two states in life - succeeding and learning.

 

I like to think of this whenever I hit a snag.

[justaFunnyguy]

Excellent approach.

 

A friend told me once that he believed in the idea that there are essentially two states in life - succeeding and learning.

 

I like to think of this whenever I hit a snag.

 

Your friend is wise, I like his way of thinking! =D>

[Mari]

I think you should wait for her. Stop chasing other girls for two to three months and chase her. It seems she gets a lot of people flirting with her but no results. Even with you, you say you're the kind of guy that won't go for other girls then you do. Then every chance you get you're with another girl. Now this suggestion is with the assumption you actually want her, if you don't go then ahead and be with someone else and don't worry about this. It's your call on the risk/reward for pursuing her, I don't know what she's worth to you.

[justaFunnyguy]

I think you should wait for her. Stop chasing other girls for two to three months and chase her. It seems she gets a lot of people flirting with her but no results. Even with you, you say you're the kind of guy that won't go for other girls then you do. Then every chance you get you're with another girl. Now this suggestion is with the assumption you actually want her, if you don't go then ahead and be with someone else and don't worry about this. It's your call on the risk/reward for pursuing her, I don't know what she's worth to you.

 

I know for a fact she will get mad if she sees me with another girl, I dunno if I can keep my myself from other girls espicaly when I feel like she have been playing with me, I actually wanna make her sad for some kind of 'revenge' for her treating (I know it's weird).

[Mari]

I know for a fact she will get mad if she sees me with another girl, I dunno if I can keep my myself from other girls espicaly when I feel like she have been playing with me, I actually wanna make her sad for some kind of 'revenge' for her treating (I know it's weird).

 

If you get your revenge you will reduce the chance of getting her. And I don't think she's been playing with you. She wanted to confirm the guy she was with wasn't committed before doing anything with you. While she was doing that you went ahead and hit on her friends after telling her you're the kinda guy that doesn't do that. Then you kissed a few other girls. And now you're basically saying you can't stop yourself from being with someone else. Overall the image you're providing is one of a player that wants to be in a relationship. And this image is mostly due to a lack of patience.

 

You've confirmed she likes you and you have a chance to build that trust but if you lean towards revenge it's going to crush that trust. She will get hurt and upset and you'll get your revenge but after that she won't trust you and you would have to work that much harder to get that trust back assuming she continues to talk to you.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, you are wasting your time trying to get her back by attempting to make her jealous. End it and move on but don't use other girls for this. It's not worth your while revolving your life and actions around her to try to get noticed by her or induce a reaction.

I know for a fact she will get mad if she sees me with another girl, I dunno if I can keep my myself from other girls espicaly when I feel like she have been playing with me, I actually wanna make her sad for some kind of 'revenge' for her treating (I know it's weird).

[justaFunnyguy]

Unfortunately, you are wasting your time trying to get her back by attempting to make her jealous. End it and move on but don't use other girls for this. It's not worth your while revolving your life and actions around her to try to get noticed by her or induce a reaction.

 

I talked with her today at the bar about our current situation and why she came over at my house, she said she was confused I was sweet guy, I asked if she we should just get forget about our everything, she said ice cold "lets do that". I couldn't give 2 less f'icks about her now, so mad.

[Mari]

I talked with her today at the bar about our current situation and why she came over at my house, she said she was confused I was sweet guy, I asked if she we should just get forget about our everything, she said ice cold "lets do that". I couldn't give 2 less f'icks about her now, so mad.

 

If you had asked her a positive question like "why don't we see where this goes" she would've probably said yes. But since you asked a negative question the negative answer is more likely.

[Dahl]

I'm sorry.

 

I think that you are doing the right things to move on with your life and protect yourself. It will keep getting easier. Head high!

[justaFunnyguy]

update: This girl have been reaching out alot since I tried to cut off the communication, been flirting a bit over text saying she misses sleeping at my place etc. She gives me mixed signals at some point, I've tried ignoring her as much as possible. She always texts first etc, I don't really know if she seems me as a friend or a guy she can just get attention from. Any inputs are Welcome

[maccerz]

update: This girl have been reaching out alot since I tried to cut off the communication, been flirting a bit over text saying she misses sleeping at my place etc. She gives me mixed signals at some point, I've tried ignoring her as much as possible. She always texts first etc, I don't really know if she seems me as a friend or a guy she can just get attention from. Any inputs are Welcome

 

I'm going to be blatantly honest here and say I don't think she likes you, she might like the idea of you liking her but anytime she actually has you in her grasp she says she's unsure about her feelings. I think she probably wants what she cant have and that's why she's reaching out to you again. My guess would be that if you start paying her a lot of attention again she'll quickly start using the 'im not ready' line once again.

[justaFunnyguy]

I'm going to be blatantly honest here and say I don't think she likes you, she might like the idea of you liking her but anytime she actually has you in her grasp she says she's unsure about her feelings. I think she probably wants what she cant have and that's why she's reaching out to you again. My guess would be that if you start paying her a lot of attention again she'll quickly start using the 'im not ready' line once again.

 

I slept with her last night as we went with to the same club and her friend kinda bailed her, next morning she says "I didn't kiss with any boys last night". I think we have switched roles and she is chasing me a bit, but she is kinda trying not to show it off.