My ex girlfreind was confusing for a long time

[GENTLE 1]

Hi,

I dated a girl for good 4 years. She was the one that first found me very attractive and charming, thus, she tried all she could to won my heart. Being in the same neighborhood, she started by greeting me innocently, staring at me, smiling, flirting until she got my full attention. I am almost her first true boyfriend. She looked calmed, depressed and not mixing with friends be it female or male.

So, we started seeing each other very briefly because she was afraid if her family found out they would punish her. Within few months, we were seriously in love with each and she was not dating anybody apart from me but everything is secretly between us.

After a year we were very intimate, however, i noticed that she hate sex but enjoys only mad kisses and breast fondling and no matter how aroused was she, she cannot allowed me have sex with her. So, i began to think otherwise. Also, i soon realized that she likes dressing very sexily showing big boobs with super hips and she likes men admiring her beauty. I questioned myself why she behaves sexily and not interested in haven sex with me but only kisses and breast fondling, could she be doing it secretly with other men.

One day while we were together she told me how one woman hugs her tightly and i told to be careful because that woman could be a lesbian but she said she enjoyed it. So, any attempt to have sex with her kept failing because she shouted or screamed once i attempted sex with her at her age of 20 years. So, i intentionally threaten to end the relationship if there was sex. Because she love me so much and doesn't want to lose me she started crying. Later, in the night she text me why she hate sex and i was the only one that she ever told this story. She told me that at 14 years old she was abused sexually by her uncle or i suspected she had under age sex and sustained some injuries. According to her since then she hate men and ended two relationships with other men because of sex. Consequently, she became a lesbian up to the time she made me. After i heard her story, i felt very sorry for her and promised her my love. I showed her so much love, care, affection and i support her financially. She told me ever since we met her life has changed, she was happy with me and would never betray, dump or dated any man apart from me.

In our second year, she started making attempt to have sex with me because she was very comfortable with me but she cannot because of the trauma of the underage sex she had. She told me whenever i attempted haven sex with her, she remembers that man that abused her and pains and fear engulfed her. However, with time we started haven sex though with difficulty until she can have joyful sex.

She now asked me about getting marriage with her and i accepted with joy. Unfortunately, her family refused that and warned her end the relationship with me. So, she told me about her family disapproval and i felt very worried and slide back but she cried and threaten to commit suicide if I ever leave her. So, we continued seeing each other but not openly.

So, along the line after she can have joyful sex with me, she started ignoring me for weeks and even month and if I asked why, she used to tell me that she was busy. Later, i found that she was into social media and seeing other men secretly but she never accepted seeing them. She always said it was the men pursuing her and also her females used to advise her to date different men in case our relationship doesn’t work out. Also, she saw her friends getting different things from different men and she was tempted to do it. Although, no matter what because of the strong attachment she has with me, she cannot leave me completely, because she would come back to settled things with me and our love became even stronger. Also, she confessed to me that she cannot stop sex chatting with lesbians. This was how our relationship has been.

In the fourth year, her family took the final step to end the relationship. Her father threaten to disowned if she continue dating me and his only reason was that we were not from the same tribe ( in Africa tribe and religion plays important role to some people). He claimed that he dated a girl in my tribe 50 years back and was denied marrying her, so his daughters won't marry my tribe.

The next day she called and informed me what happened in her family. So, the next day i called and text but she refused to answer nor reply my text. THIS MARKS THE END OF OUR FOUR YEARS RELATIONSHIP.

BIG SURPRISED FOR ME:

This girl never say anything afterward, never feel sorry for me, never cares about my feelings, never regret breaking up with me. I begged even to see her and have final word with her but she refused.

3 weeks after dumping me, she started dating a new boyfriend. I was terrified that i almost commit suicide seeing her for the first time in my life with someone exchanging smiles and love. Initially, she denied dating him that he was an old friend that used to advise her. Eventually, that man was her confirmed boyfriend and as far i know they dated for almost a year but not sure if they were still together.

After the breakup, i cannot control my anger, depression and pains that every night i cannot sleep until i visited her house hide somewhere and see how she was with that man (hell).

I kept on begging, texting but all in vain. She even warned me to keep up from her life for my own good or else she would my carrier, happiness and made life difficult for me. That I am yet to her, she was not a witch but has bad mouth that can inflict havoc to me (in Africa if one claimed to have bad mouth, then that person has some spiritual power to cause damage to someone by uttering words). She further said, why she would destroy me was because of how we started the relation and I have been good to her. She told me that even when we were together she has been dating other men behind my back and still a lesbian. She said that her life.

After that she changed her phone numbers to block any attempt by me to contact.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME

I am the type that dates only one woman at a time and over this 4 years, I have never date or even attempt dating any woman apart from her. I am always there for her with all the love, care, affection and financial support. So, the breakup was the hardest moment of my life because I never expect it from her because she loves me so much. Worst, she swept all the memories we had over 4 years and jumped into new relationship and care not how I feel. She chased me away like dog and warned me to keep off from her.

After a year that she blocked me accessed to her in any form, at about 11pm, I saw a whatsapp message saying “hi”. Then I don’t have her number and I don’t know who the sender, so, I replied back asking who was the sender and she has the power to mention her name. So, since that first text up to now almost 3 years, she kept sending me just ‘hi” or ‘how was work’. Mostly, her text came late night out of blues and randomly in weeks or month and never said anything important other than ‘hi’ or ‘how is work’. Initially, I used to respond with issues to do with our love but either she just say ‘hmmm’ or ‘really’ or kept quiet and ignored me for weeks or months. She never engaged me or allowed her to be engaged in any long discussion. After sometime, i started replying back with just ‘hi’ and ignored her and after sometimes she text me again.

Recently, she had a ghastly motor accident that claimed the life of her elder sister and my ex escaped death but was still on hospital bed up to now. When I heard it, i visited her family to condole over the death of her sister. Later, I text my ex in the hospital to say sorry but to my surprised instead of replying back, she called me for the first time since the breakup 4 years back. Afterward, she continues the normal text even on hospital bed late night with just ‘hi’. She later, text that, she JUST CANNOT BELIEVE IT THAT I SHOWED CONCERNED OVER HER ACCIDENT.

THIS IS MY STORY HOPE I CAN BE ADVISE ACCORDINGLY:

1. Ever since she dumped/breakup with me 4 years, I cannot date any woman either for marriage or fun. I attempted few dating but I cannot continue because I am not over my ex.

2. Despite how she mishandled me but yet I cannot stop thinking about her for 4 years now day and night except if I am at work. Sometimes the memories of the good time and sometimes the pains of how she disgraced me without caring about my feeling.

3. I lost trust on women generally.

4. Why do i still have the gut feelings that certainly she must come back sometimes since it was her family that forced her to end the relationship against her wish.

5. Why did she suddenly move on easily after being out of long term relationship?

6. Why was she still contacting me on an up for 3 years after the breakup and won’t talk anything about our love.

7. Why she once blocked me on whatsapp and after 3 weeks she unblocked me and contacted me.

Although, there was age gap between us she was 19 and I am 30 when we met and now I am 38 and still single and she was now 28.

[Wiseman2]

Why isn't she allowed to date? Is it her culture/religion? She may not be ready for intercourse so stop pushing it regardless of how she dresses.

 

It's abusive to force and coerce women into sex through threats, force, etc. In western countries you would be arrested for assault or attempted rape. Grow up and be a gentleman not a horny animal.

we started seeing each other very briefly because she was afraid if her family found out they would punish her. I questioned myself why she behaves sexily and not interested in haven sex with me. any attempt to have sex with her kept failing because she shouted or screamed once i attempted sex with her i intentionally threaten to end the relationship if there was sex.

[Dahl]

Is therapy / mental health care available to you?