The dumper has completely moved on after 1.5 months....

[mcnn4]

The other day I made the mistake of sleeping with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up a month and a half ago and I went NC for a month. I broke NC and texted him and we ended up sleeping together (I was the one who initiated the sex-- stupid I know).

 

I even slept over at his place and talked. I realized that he has pretty much completely moved on. His feelings don't resurge whenever we act couply and he is emotionally detached during sex. He also says he didn't regret breaking up with me when I asked him.

 

He seems to have completely moved on from me.

I guess you can say, I was expecting him to still be missing me the way that I missed him.

 

We broke up because he didn't see a future with me after being together for 10 months. He wants to accomplish more things alone before having a serious relationship.

 

I guess I'm posting because it's only been 1.5 months and he obviously does not have feelings for me anymore. Is this just the initial high that the dumper feels after breaking up? Is there no chance he'll ever want a reconciliation? What is your experience with this?

 

I know I shouldn't have false hope. This is just a question out of curiosity. I'm trying to move on.

[j.man]

10 months isn't very long. I've gotten over stints that short much quicker than 1.5 months. Also, he probably checked out before he actually pulled the trigger, so I'm sure there's additional time to tack on there.

 

Sorry to say, but he definitely seems done. But I don't think you needed us to tell you that. Go back to NC. Needless to say, that includes not sleeping with him again. It's not a tool to use to get back together with someone. Best of luck.

[mcnn4]

10 months isn't very long. I've gotten over stints that short much quicker than 1.5 months. Also, he probably checked out before he actually pulled the trigger, so I'm sure there's additional time to tack on there.

 

Sorry to say, but he definitely seems done. But I don't think you needed us to tell you that. Go back to NC. Needless to say, that includes not sleeping with him again. It's not a tool to use to get back together with someone. Best of luck.

 

10 months isn't that long. But we saw each other every day for 10 months so it feels a lot longer. It felt a lot longer because we both go to the same university and our lives were really intertwined I guess you can say.

 

But yeah. I deleted his number off my phone after last night.

[Betterwithout]

I'll simply respond with the words you need to read out loud. You wrote them best, and you know yourself best

 

The other day I made the mistake of sleeping with my ex-boyfriend.

 

he didn't regret breaking up with me when I asked him.

 

 

We broke up because he didn't see a future with me

 

he obviously does not have feelings for me anymore.

 

I know I shouldn't have false hope.

 

this one in particular is unkind thing to say, but if he said it, he meant it. "he didn't regret breaking up with me when I asked him".

Guys don't usually refuse sex so even though you broke up, slipping off clothes will always lead to sex.

Sounds like FWB is ok with him. nothing more. Time to go NC and stick to it.

 

I am genuinely sorry.

[DancingFool]

I know that you know you shouldn't try to cling to false hopes, so all I can do is confirm that for you.

 

When someone tells you so bluntly and honestly that they don't regret the break up, they really do mean that. He was completely honest with you and did you a kindness in that he left no hope for you, no stringing you along with vague soft let downs and words with double meaning. There was no double meaning here.

 

Assume also that he did already start detaching before he actually ended things. Deciding to break up is a process and takes some time to arrive to the actual "sorry we are done."

 

So do yourself a favor and go back to NC. Of course it's hard to move on when someone was such an intense part of your daily life, but you will get past this and be OK again. Try to focus on school, friends, going out, hobbies. Go do all the stuff you didn't have time for because you were always with him. Filling up your time and mind with other things makes it easier to move on.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Yeah, don't do this to yourself. Don't make the mistake of thinking hookups will lead to a reconciliation.

 

In this case, go strict no contact and delete and block him from all messaging and social media. Also, if you feel lonely consider some dating apps for casual dating.

His feelings don't resurge whenever we act couply and he is emotionally detached during sex. He also says he didn't regret breaking up with me when I asked him. I was expecting him to still be missing me the way that I missed him.

[No1]

I think you are confusing feelings with desire. He does care for you, cares for your happiness and wants you to be happy. He, however doesn't desire being with you.

[luisannalui]

I think he moved on from the date he told you that he didn't want to be in a committed relationship. You should go strict no contact. The first days are the worst but it does get better.

[mcnn4]

I think you are confusing feelings with desire. He does care for you, cares for your happiness and wants you to be happy. He, however doesn't desire being with you.

 

I think this is a good way to put it.

I'm really working hard on trying to squash the last bit of hope. I think that is what is truly preventing me from moving on.

[No1]

I think this is a good way to put it.

I'm really working hard on trying to squash the last bit of hope. I think that is what is truly preventing me from moving on.

 

You just quite haven't accepted that its over. Its okay to admit that its over. I promise you that the sun will set and rise even without him being with you romantically. Life does move on. And look at things this way, there is room in your life for someone better......

[mcnn4]

I think he moved on from the date he told you that he didn't want to be in a committed relationship. You should go strict no contact. The first days are the worst but it does get better.

 

I went NC for a month but broke it because I was basically hitting rock bottom and crying in a bathroom during work. I think I should have let myself hit rock bottom and shouldn't have made the mistake of sleeping with him. But the mistake has been made and now I have even more reason to move on.

[luisannalui]

I went NC for a month but broke it because I was basically hitting rock bottom and crying in a bathroom during work. I think I should have let myself hit rock bottom and shouldn't have made the mistake of sleeping with him. But the mistake has been made and now I have even more reason to move on.

 

As one of my favorite quotes says "It's never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don't stay stuck. Do better."

[mcnn4]

As one of my favorite quotes says "It's never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don't stay stuck. Do better."

 

Thank you for that. I am trying really hard this time to really move on and not just use NC to try to cling onto hope.

[mcnn4]

You just quite haven't accepted that its over. Its okay to admit that its over. I promise you that the sun will set and rise even without him being with you romantically. Life does move on. And look at things this way, there is room in your life for someone better......

 

There are times when I have accepted the break up. But only to relapse right back into thinking we could be together again. And the back and forth battle is really killing me and making me think of him much more than I should.

 

But after hearing that he has no regrets of breaking up with me and no longer has feelings for me, I am finally really coming to terms with the end of the relationship.

[DancingFool]

Thank you for that. I am trying really hard this time to really move on and not just use NC to try to cling onto hope.

 

Well...it seems like he literally squashed all hope, so moving on is all you have left.

 

Seriously, get busy with living. Make a point of doing something that you haven't done before. Try things you don't think you would be interested in. Do random stuff like a rock climbing class. Basically breathe fresh new life into your mind and it will get unstuck. You brain can't think about your ex when it's busy learning something new.

[luisannalui]

Thank you for that. I am trying really hard this time to really move on and not just use NC to try to cling onto hope.

 

Read this. Talks about the 7 stages of grief after a breakup. Very helpful. You need NC, Unless you want to keep feeling miserable. But its hard so don't blame yourself. Just try your best, at least fake it until you make it. I'm on three month after BU #23 days of NC (she contacted me a week after once after I stop doing it, drunk dialed but I did not respond) and I'm on day #2 No social media stalking. So its takes time!

[mcnn4]

Well...it seems like he literally squashed all hope, so moving on is all you have left.

 

Seriously, get busy with living. Make a point of doing something that you haven't done before. Try things you don't think you would be interested in. Do random stuff like a rock climbing class. Basically breathe fresh new life into your mind and it will get unstuck. You brain can't think about your ex when it's busy learning something new.

 

I've been keeping myself busy since the break up. But whenever I'm being busy, I feel like I'm avoiding the pain and it all just builds up until I hit rock bottom. I'm trying to find ways to face the pain head on and start coping properly.

 

Instead of avoiding thoughts of my ex, I want to be able to let it all go.

I think I have a hard time letting go of false hope because I am scared that I will never be able to find love again even though it's not true. It's just hard to start over with someone new and have to go through a pain like this again.

[spinderella]

10 months isn't that long. But we saw each other every day for 10 months so it feels a lot longer. It felt a lot longer because we both go to the same university and our lives were really intertwined I guess you can say.

 

But yeah. I deleted his number off my phone after last night.

 

 

I completely disagree that 10 months is not a long time, and if one can "get over" an almost-year with someone in a couple weeks, one may have never been sincere during the relationship.

 

By 10 months, the major relationships in my life (including marriage) have felt on-track, meaningful and growing toward more and more...

 

HOWEVER, in my experience there is no 'dumper high' - if anything it just gets easier after a while. I think it's good you deleted his number.

[mcnn4]

I completely disagree that 10 months is not a long time, and if one can "get over" an almost-year with someone in a couple weeks, one may have never been sincere during the relationship.

 

By 10 months, the major relationships in my life (including marriage) have felt on-track, meaningful and growing toward more and more...

 

HOWEVER, in my experience there is no 'dumper high' - if anything it just gets easier after a while. I think it's good you deleted his number.

 

I don't deny that he cared a lot for me at one point. But I think he started checking out of the relationship a month before the actual break up. Now looking back, I feel like I ignored a lot of warning signs because I was so in love with him.

[MissCanuck]

As others have suggested, he'd already done a large part of his detaching before he actually ended it. That likely wasn't meant maliciously on his part, but he simply reached a point where he didn't feel right to continue knowing how he felt. Thus, he was already further along the grieving/healing process than you.

 

In some strange way, perhaps it's not entirely a bad that you met up with him again; perhaps you needed to really hear that he doesn't miss the relationship in order for you to finally begin to let go and move forward.

 

Best wishes you, OP. It will get better.

[newtothegame98]

Very odd that he claims to not have any feelings, yet is willing to sleep with you. Sounds like he's trying to protect his own ego. Regardless, he sounds like a bad egg. He let you sleep over? Lol, he's kidding himself. Go NC. That's when you end it once and for all. And, who knows, he may still text you with the ol' "I miss you pls (...)"

[boltnrun]

Yeah, he'll text all right. When he wants sex, because he sees you're willing to give it to him.

 

Prove him wrong.

 

Don't just delete his number. Block him. That way he can't come creeping for free sex.

[mcnn4]

So I didn't block him because I still had his rain jacket. I was going to just leave it at his door if if he doesn't ask for it back in a few days.

 

He asked for it back last night.

We started talking and he basically said he can't stand the thought of me sleeping with another man and kind of got mad that I might go on a date with someone else tomorrow.

 

He asked if I could talk to him this weekend in person.

 

I told him straight up that we are never having sex again because I can't handle it. And he says he knows that, he just wants to talk.

 

I don't know if I should talk to him or just say I'm busy? What could he possibly want to sit down and talk to me about? He's so confusing. He acts like he's completely moved on and tells me to move on as well but then doesn't want me to move on at the same time?

[mcnn4]

Very odd that he claims to not have any feelings, yet is willing to sleep with you. "

 

I thought he could detach feelings from the sex maybe?

[Wiseman2]

He just wants to keep a hold on you and string you along as a fwb, that's why he doesn't want you having sex with others. If he wanted a relationship, he wouldn't have broken up and moved on. Be wary.

He's so confusing. He acts like he's completely moved on and tells me to move on as well but then doesn't want me to move on at the same time?