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Im bisexual and not sexually attracted to my boyfriend


lalolauren

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I am a bisexual woman and i am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and have been for 2 months. I am absolutely in love with him and can see us spending our lives together but the only problem is I'm not as turned on by him as i am with woman. I have been with a few woman but he is the only male i have ever had sex with and whenever we do anything sexually, i just don't get turned on and i personally don't find the male genitalia that attractive. He knows that i prefer woman to men but i have never told him that i don't really feel anything down there when we have sex and i just pretend to have orgasms so i don't hurt his feelings. Now i don't want it to come to that i should just break up with him, cause i love him very much and apart from the sex, everything is perfect in the relationship. All i want is some advice on what to do cause I'm incredibly conflicted.

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Now i don't want it to come to that i should just break up with him, cause i love him very much and apart from the sex, everything is perfect in the relationship.

Sorry, you can't have it both ways. Sex is very important in a relationship because it strengthens bonds. If you are no longer attracted to your partner, then the relationship is dead.

 

And if you prefer being with a woman, then you need to end it. There is no sense in tolerating a partner just because you "love" him- try using that logic for women/men who are in abusive relationships.

 

People break up for many different reason, and it's not because they don't love each other. But you need to find someone who is compatible with your needs and values to be happy. This guy is not it.

 

You are selling yourself short. Being single can be a little scary, but staying with someone who doesn't meet your sexual needs isn't going to lead to a happy relationship either.

 

It's time to let go.

 

 

Also, I am very confused about this part as a bisexual woman:

i just don't get turned on and i personally don't find the male genitalia that attractive.

You say you are "into" men, but aren't turned on by penis? How does this exactly make you bi then?

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Loving someone without wanting to have sex with them is called friendship. If you haven't thought of all of your major needs you want for a lifetime partner, sexual compatibility should be one of them.

 

Do you really think he'd want to be with you if he knew how you felt? I know how I'd feel if I was strung along in a relationship and found out through a journal or something that a guy pretended to have orgasms with me and didn't enjoy sex but loved me regardless. I'd be so pissed off and scream at him: By God. All this time I could have been free to find someone who actually desired me in that way, and you've kept your true feelings from me secret?

 

Breakups are always upsetting, but in this case, you will both eventually benefit from that decision. You've learned something important by dating him, so take what you've learned and use it to make better relationship decisions in the future.

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I mean if enjoying living with someone without boning them was the standard, I'd dump my girlfriend and move my best friend in.

 

Not sexually attracted to him. Only two months in and can "see the rest of your life with him." Surely you've already got friends you get along fine with, so what is it this guy brings to the table? Money?

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It's only been 2 mos of dating and it's best to be honest with yourself and unfortunately with this guy. He is expecting a full on romantic relationship that includes mutual sexual satisfaction.

 

As with any relationship, attraction is important and in this case you're just not feeling it. I would have an honest discussion about what you mention here and set him free while you further your sexual exploration. Don't lead him on with "faking it".

2 months. he is the only male i have ever had sex with and whenever we do anything sexually, i just don't get turned on. He knows that i prefer woman to men but i have never told him that i don't really feel anything down there when we have sex and i just pretend to have orgasms.
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As already pointed out, people you love dearly but aren't sexually attracted to are called friends.

 

Faking intimacy is truly the ultimate betrayal so I don't know how you can claim that you love him so much, yet betray him so ruthlessly. As for seeing a future with him, who are you kidding? Just how long do you think you can keep faking things? For life? That will never work. Besides, eventually he will figure it out and dump you with outrage and extreme prejudice. You are setting yourself up for major pain and drama. There is no happily ever after in this picture as sexuality and sexual attraction are one of the major cornerstones of a lasting relationship.

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My two cents:

 

For the record, I personally do not agree with what I am about to say, nor am I advocating it but being who I am, I like to cover all bases.

 

I agree with those above that say maybe it's a friendship, it's a betrayal, maybe you should end it etc etc but on the other hand, not every relationship has to be sexual and not everyone is the same. Do you have a female partner in mind?

 

People may scream at me telling me I'm crazy, but if it is purely sexual, have you considered bringing a girl into the mix? Granted, it might ruin things, your feelings might sway to her, he might get jealous, or things might lose their charm in general but there are quite a few guys out there that would love that opportunity - even just to watch. Would you mind sharing him with another? Would you be ok with him kissing you while a woman does the rest?

 

That's me covering all the bases... if I'm honest about how the situation looks though, I'd say you could find love with a woman like you have with him AND there would be sex there so maybe that is the best option.

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My two cents:

 

For the record, I personally do not agree with what I am about to say, nor am I advocating it but being who I am, I like to cover all bases.

 

I agree with those above that say maybe it's a friendship, it's a betrayal, maybe you should end it etc etc but on the other hand, not every relationship has to be sexual and not everyone is the same. Do you have a female partner in mind?

 

People may scream at me telling me I'm crazy, but if it is purely sexual, have you considered bringing a girl into the mix? Granted, it might ruin things, your feelings might sway to her, he might get jealous, or things might lose their charm in general but there are quite a few guys out there that would love that opportunity - even just to watch. Would you mind sharing him with another? Would you be ok with him kissing you while a woman does the rest?

 

That's me covering all the bases... if I'm honest about how the situation looks though, I'd say you could find love with a woman like you have with him AND there would be sex there so maybe that is the best option.

 

I don't agree or disagree with your suggestions, but I wanted to commend you for your efforts to try to help and introduce alternatives and creative solutions to the OP for her consideration.

 

Good on you.

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I don't agree or disagree with your suggestions, but I wanted to commend you for your efforts to try to help and introduce alternatives and creative solutions to the OP for her consideration.

 

Good on you.

 

And if it backfires, at least she can say the relationship went out with a "bang."

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