Want to hear from her on my birthday despite how horrible things were. Why?

[IsaacT]

Today's my birthday and for some reason the person I want to hear most from is my ex. Things didn't end well and we both made mistakes. She lied repeatedly about hooking up with someone else during a "break" when we agreed not to see other people, manipulated me constantly, took way more than she gave, took advantage of my constant willingness to apologize and be there for her, etc.

 

She left the relationship feeling like she had been more wronged than me because of how I "mistreated" her and freaked out about her hooking up with someone else, trying to forgive it but not being able to let it go. It still frustrates me beyond belief. She told me that it's my responsibility to come to her one day when I can "make things work" again, sort of leaving the door open.

 

I deleted her on Facebook a few days ago and she was extremely upset, texting me that she found it childish and petty and that she still loved me and hadn't moved on.

 

I eventually responded, saying that it was just about me being able to move on, that I knew I would continue wanting to hear from her on birthdays and holidays, worry about seeing pictures of her with someone else, etc. I told her that I have to accept that things are over forever and that I can't leave the door half-open like we did because of how it resulted in something awful last time. I followed up a few minutes later, saying that part of me will always love her and that I wish her the best.

 

Four days ago and no response. Why do I still care at all?

[SherrySher]

Why do you still care? She lied and cheated on you and obviously feels that you should be the one chasing or making it right, basically treating you like dirt.

Grab some self respect and don't keep grovelling and letting someone be this horrible to you.

[SherrySher]

Also, Happy Birthday! How old are you turning? Any plans?

[Doc Blaze]

its 4 days in, you have to give your self time.

 

But if you really want to move on and heal, you need to be honest with yourself and start healing and accepting that its over.

 

 

I don't know all the details but what I can see from what you wrote, your ex is doesn't sound the best, and likes to push blame on you. lies is not good too obviously.

[Wiseman2]

When the games stop, the healing will begin.

[No1]

She turned the cheating around to you and you believe that? When a person does that, you have to know that this is not the type of person you want to be with. She cheated and blamed you for mistreating her. At this point you have to take every thing she said and throw it out the window because it doesn't matter. She cheated, end of story..

 

I think you are feeling low and guilty. You want your X to call you because you are relying too much to tell you how to feel. She punished you and now you want her to pat you on the head and say happy birthday good boy. Rather than waiting for her and giving her the power, why don't you take control of your feelings and just tell her good bye and have a good life. Then don't talk to her again, her loss.

 

Forgive your mistakes, we all make them. You make up for your mistakes by not making them in the next relationship.

[Matt3939]

I know it hurts but you will be better off. Last time I heard from my ex was my bday. We were NC i broke and responded. She confessed her love to me ect. The whole time she was with someone else. Put me back to phase 1. Be happy if you don't hear from her it's not going to make you feel better. BTW happy birthday.