Scared of women!

[Quip]

Ok, i'm a 33 yr old male, athletic, have been told numerous times by many women that i'm attractive and quite a catch. Problem is that i'm super anxious around women. I've dealt with this in the past by drinking lots of alcohol, even taking valium to calm my nerves on dates. I've never had a relationship that hasn't involved me being drunk the whole time! Simply because i can't relax around women.

I've recently stopped drinking altogether because it was starting to effect my health and i just can't handle hangovers any more. I feel a lot better for it and am looking really fit and healthy.

Anyway, a few days ago i met gorgeous, intelligent women and we exchanged numbers. She soon texted me asking if i'd like to catch up with her this weekend. I can't let a chance like this pass me by but i am so nervous and anxious that i just feel sick about the whole thing. It's become a serious ordeal for me!

I don't want to let her down but i'm worried that i'm just not going to be able to relax or enjoy myself. I just can't believe a guy of my age is so nervous around women! Sometimes i feel like a hopeless teenager!

Help! Any advice would be appreciated!

[Hollyj]

Have you spoken to a doctor about your anxiety issues?

[Quip]

Have you spoken to a doctor about your anxiety issues?

 

Yes, i've tried numerous medications which worked for a short period of time but they always ended up having an adverse effect in the end. So i've given up on medication. I feel a lot better for not relying on meds but my anxiety around women is still really uncomfortable.

I've been blessed with good looks but cursed with a fear of women!

[Capricorn3]

What exactly are you scared of? How do women scare you? They're not any different to you, just as human as you are. They don't have any powers that you don't. They have feelings like you do. They feel pain, hurt, anxiety, fear, happiness, sadness etc etc just the same as you do. They are just another person like you are, so what exactly is scary about that? Seriously, just trying to understand.

[Capttrae]

Be afraid be very afraid of them they are some strange critters, just when you think your starting to figure them out bam way out of left field here comes something different. But seriously though just treat them well not exactly as one of the guys but something close, they are human in the end. Granted humans that the males of our species will never I mean never totally understand but still human. Most of them like to laugh and enjoy theirselves and are fairly easy to get a long with.

[katrina1980]

Is it all women you are afraid of or just women you are attracted to? How do you feel when talking to women at your job or at school, just friends?

 

Another question is is it women you are afraid of or what women represent, love, a relationship? Maybe you have a fear of relationships in general or commitment or intimacy?

[Betterwithout]

For many, this is an experience thing. The more you approach or date women and carry the belief "I've got nothing to lose", the less anxious you will be.

 

If you really think about it....most fears are fabrications in our minds. Fear of flying=statistically you are much more likely to die in a car crash driving to the airport.

Don't let your fears control you. you control the fear by knowing this "gorgeous intelligent" woman is just like you, eats like you, has sex like you and goes to the bathroom...just like you.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Stay off the booze and benzos. That caused stupid behavior on dates and you get rebound anxiety.

 

Excellent you are getting sober, maintain that with support groups and therapy.

 

In support groups you'll learn to take responsibility for alcoholism and not make excuses or blame other things like dating anxiety. You'll learn coping skills and sober social skills.

 

Call her and go for a nonalcoholic date like coffee, a meal, activity, etc. Maybe an activity that's fun and makes you laugh will be easier.

I've dealt with this in the past by drinking lots of alcohol, even taking valium to calm my nerves on dates. I've never had a relationship that hasn't involved me being drunk the whole time!

I've recently stopped drinking altogether because it was starting to effect my health and i just can't handle hangovers any more. She soon texted me asking if i'd like to catch up with her this weekend.

[Dahl]

Yes, i've tried numerous medications which worked for a short period of time but they always ended up having an adverse effect in the end. So i've given up on medication.

 

Don't give up on seeking mental health care. No one should be fobbing you off on pills, alone, certainly. There are innumerable, invaluable treatments that are not pharmacological, at all.

[Dahl]

Also, well done on retiring alcohol and confronting your feelings head on! Whatever happens now, I think that you've done yourself and your future relationships an enormous service.

 

Good luck.

[JaggerJim]

]

 

Lol don't worry. Alot of woman feel like a scared little girls, on first dates.

[journeynow]

The trick may be to imagine the reverse is true, that she's the one who is nervous. Focus on making her comfortable.

[reinventmyself]

Is it just women that cause anxiety or other things as well?

 

Either way. .desensitization. Repeated exposure to the very thing you are anxious about.

[soldierj613]

I deal with the same issues. Hey, you need to get help for your anxiety.

Be playful you are worthy of her love.

Ask her questions about her, make it all about her. Let her do most of the talking.

Dont give out info about yourself keep it short funny and sweet direct it back to her.

Women are like scared cats men are like trained dogs

Be her Mountain and her emotions are like the wind. Dont let her beauty be a pass to treat you like a door mat, some women are very emotional abusive.

Always let her express her feelings to you first.

Your mentality should be to

Hangout

Have fun

Hook up

 

Do not chase, women want to chase.

Always have a leave it or take it attitude.

Their is another bus every 15 mins.

 

God Bless. I wish I knew what I'm sharing with you now.

Because I lost the woman of my dreams because I was like you my friend.

[H8Reality217]

ya, in life and society, men always have to be the confident ones, which is something i never liked

[lostlove76]

I have similar problems as you, except I'm a woman. Dates scare the crap out of me. Nothing sounds worse than sitting down with someone you barely know, in some "formal" setting (even going to a casual restaurant feels like a formal date to me). I used to online date, and I found that meeting somewhere I'm comfortable helps a little bit, whether it be at one of our houses with just the two of us instead of in public, or at a nice park, or something of that nature. Just somewhere that you would typically feel at ease. Going somewhere where you can chat but also have some distraction, like maybe bowling or something, might help too, rather than just sitting across from each other with nothing but conversation to get you by. I was also honest beforehand and just told them that I was nervous; putting it out there instead of trying to hide it seemed to help. Maybe you could just tell her that you struggle with anxiety issues. You'd be amazed at how empathetic people usually are when you open up to them about it. Perhaps she's just as nervous and it would be a relief to her to know that you are as well.

 

The more you get to know someone, the more you can relax and be yourself. So just take it date by date, and it will get easier each time.

 

Congrats on quitting drinking!! I often drink, too, in order to relax. It's a great accomplishment that you were able to stop.

[nsolo]

"Hangout

Have fun

Hook up"

 

I swear I've heard that from somewhere before. And I agree!

[nsolo]

To the OP: Have you ever been tested for ADHD?

 

Secondly, as far as anxiety goes, what is your dating history like? How many first dates have you been on, and how many relationships have you been in that have been more than, say, six months?