newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I am meeting my ex girlfriend soon for lunch. I contacted her, and for some reason she agreed. I just wanted to know what I should expect? I know I should act myself and cordial. Has anyone else experienced this?
gebaird Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I'm assuming she is the dumper and you are the dumpee. My guess is you could have a great conversation and a great lunch with her IF you don't bring up the subject of getting back together. Keep the conversation positive and do your best to wrap up loose threads (apologize, forgive, thank, etc.) At this point it's about preserving your legacy. Desperate or angry behavior won't do you any favors.
angrythoughts Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Expect to hangout as friends with no feelings attached. Don't expect to get back together or have the hopes that it could happen.
J Miracle Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Why are you doing this? Do you hope to win her back?
newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 Why are you doing this? Do you hope to win her back? In my mind I'm calling it "closure". I know that I won't get that, but for some reason it feels right. I'm not anticipating anything, as she had made very clear she has NO intentions of getting back together
SherrySher Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Stick to closure and wish each other well, end on a friendly note and not hateful or resentful and don't expect anything more than that.
J Miracle Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 These types of meets usually are a setback. It probably feels right because you get to see somebody you have feelings for, who you've been deprived of.
NickMark88 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Be careful man, I ended up meeting an ex after closure after NC of 3 weeks. It set me back as it only left me with more questions. Even if I asked those questions, it wouldn't of given me closure as she possibly would of lied to save each other's feelings. I think closure comes from within yourself. From experience, it delayed my healing.
Wolfshook Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Meeting with my ex delayed my healing a great way. It was 3 months after breakup, we went for coffee and she was all over me giving me the wrong impression. After a week she ghosted me. I felt worse than after breakup. So honestly, I'd recommend you not to meet her, but I know you will not listen to me. So just keep it friendly and dont talk about relationship unless she does. Good luck.
Batya33 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I think you should give closure to yourself because this is unbalanced -she doesn't want you back and you want her back. (I married my ex boyfriend, years later, so I think people can and do get back together but not in this way, and not with the dishonesty with yourself about just wanting "closure").
Betterwithout Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Why put yourself through this? IMO the best closure is NC and moving on.
newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I think you should give closure to yourself because this is unbalanced -she doesn't want you back and you want her back. (I married my ex boyfriend, years later, so I think people can and do get back together but not in this way, and not with the dishonesty with yourself about just wanting "closure"). Well I know I still have feelings. I know that I won't be getting "closure". So honestly, I'm not sure exactly why I'm meeting up. Other than knowing that I will enjoy seeing her, as it's been 5 months
newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 Why put yourself through this? IMO the best closure is NC and moving on. I agree. I did a weak NC, 60+ days(?) I broke it by asking her how she was. Foolish, I know. "Moving on" for me has involved a couple dates. I am meeting new people
Betterwithout Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I agree. I did a weak NC, 60+ days(?) I broke it by asking her how she was. Foolish, I know. "Moving on" for me has involved a couple dates. I am meeting new people We're all familiar with the expression "Life is short" Instead of going to lunch with her, it could be with someone who you could meet that you spend the rest of your life with!" Don't try to draw blood from a stone too long because life IS short.
Doc Blaze Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I wouldn't go but that's just me.. been there done that.
newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I wouldn't go but that's just me.. been there done that. I am starting to realize this. I still have feelings & she obviously knows this
newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 Meeting with my ex delayed my healing a great way. It was 3 months after breakup, we went for coffee and she was all over me giving me the wrong impression. After a week she ghosted me. I felt worse than after breakup. So honestly, I'd recommend you not to meet her, but I know you will not listen to me. So just keep it friendly and dont talk about relationship unless she does. Good luck. What kind of impression did she give you? My ex claimed to me that she was 'friends with both of her exe's'. I obviously don't think I can be 'friends' with somebody I have been intimate with before. Thanks for the advice
newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 I'm assuming she is the dumper and you are the dumpee. My guess is you could have a great conversation and a great lunch with her IF you don't bring up the subject of getting back together. Keep the conversation positive and do your best to wrap up loose threads (apologize, forgive, thank, etc.) At this point it's about preserving your legacy. Desperate or angry behavior won't do you any favors. Even after she broke up with me, I never asked her to get back together. The only thing I asked at that time (5 months ago) was to see her in-person. She thought this would be too difficult. I will say, it seems as though she has moved on. She's very confident with herself. Probably one of the more confident people I know. I have begun meeting new girls, though. I do still have feels, unfortunately
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Sorry to hear this, hope all goes well. Make sure it's closure for you (after this go no contact, block, delete etc.) In her mind it may be friendzoning and now you are a male-girlfriend just having lunch to catch up. Yeah, yuck. my mind I'm calling it "closure". I know that I won't get that, but for some reason it feels right. I'm not anticipating anything, as she had made very clear she has NO intentions of getting back together
gebaird Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 it seems as though she has moved on. She's very confident with herself. This may be why she agreed to meet with you -- because she's doing okay. She may even want to rub it in a bit that she's doing well (subconsciously or consciously, depending on the type of person she is and the circumstances surrounding the breakup). It's hard to see people happy again once they have moved on. It could cause a lot of questions to arise, like "How could she move on so quickly?" or "How could she just toss me aside like that and be so happy so easily?" Just be careful. Your heart is still fragile, and seeing her could break it all over again.
Wolfshook Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 What kind of impression did she give you? My ex claimed to me that she was 'friends with both of her exe's'. I obviously don't think I can be 'friends' with somebody I have been intimate with before. Thanks for the advice Impression that there could be something between us again. I'm like you, I see no point in being friends with my ex. When I think about it,she made sh*tty friend anyway. Give yourself some time and you will most probably realize that you two arent really for each other. It takes awhile to get to that point though.
newtothegame98 Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 This may be why she agreed to meet with you -- because she's doing okay. She may even want to rub it in a bit that she's doing well (subconsciously or consciously, depending on the type of person she is and the circumstances surrounding the breakup). It's hard to see people happy again once they have moved on. It could cause a lot of questions to arise, like "How could she move on so quickly?" or "How could she just toss me aside like that and be so happy so easily?" Just be careful. Your heart is still fragile, and seeing her could break it all over again. Man, I could not agree more with you. The initial contents of the text I sent are as follows: "Heyy. It's been a while, I've missed you. How are you?" She did not even hint at missing me much in her response. Again, I am just putting this out there so people can learn from me. I find ENL to be very helpful, especially knowing people have been through the exact same thing!
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