plainjane314 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 After this and this , I sat my boyfriend down for a deep and meaningful talk in which I told him that if he wanted to be friends with the girl I would be okay with it and that maybe I would even like to meet her to get to know her and gain some reassurance for myself that there was nothing to worry about. Fast forward a week later and I found myself going through some rough time what with moving to a new place and having a hard time with family troubles at home I sought my boyfriend for some comfort. When I needed him he spent all night out with his friends and I had spent all night waiting for him crying and feeling awful. The next morning he was in the shower and I snooped through his phone to find him having messaged this girl, his ex flame, the night before saying that they should meet up for lunch sometime to which she responded with a yeah maybe and to which he said he hoped so. I was livid that instead of coming home when I needed his emotional support he was not only out all night but messaging other girls instead of checking on me. He had also been talking to some other girl the same night telling her that he had been thinking about her and when she brought up her new apartment he told her he hoped to see it someday. Needless to say we had an explosive argument to which he claims that suggesting lunch was just being polite after having seen her in passing and that he hadn't really meant it. To me if you don't mean something, why would you say it? I even asked him what would happen if she took him up on it to which he responded that she wouldn't because she knew he was with me. He also claimed it as just being polite to which I called bull. The biggest thing that gets me that this happened after we had our talk to which I asked him to just tell me things even if he felt it would make me mad and upset instead of trying to protect my feelings or anything. I'm at a loss as to what to think. If he can tell these girls the things that he does and then claim not to mean it, how can I think he wouldn't be the same way towards me? Any advice/guidance would be appreciated- I'm at my wits end.
JaggerJim Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 If I invited a girl out to lunch, I would hope she would say yes. Not hoping that she would say no. So that part is bull as you say. He's full of it!
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Sorry to hear this but he doesn't sound like a good bf. Seeing is believing and if you are dating exclusively his shenanigans are inappropriate. Flirting and messaging and seeking out hangouts with other women is not "polite". Consider pulling back and reflecting on whether you want to deal with the lies and nonsense and frustration. I was livid that instead of coming home when I needed his emotional support he was not only out all night but messaging other girls instead of checking on me. He also claimed it as just being polite to which I called bull.
RainyCoast Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 he was setting up a date...and fishing for sex at hers.
plainjane314 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 If I invited a girl out to lunch, I would hope she would say yes. Not hoping that she would say no. So that part is bull as you say. He's full of it! What should I do? We are still very much in the beginning stages of our relationship and I think it could turn into something great... unless Im just wishfully thinking.
RainyCoast Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 he's trying to *uck someone else. what "great" can it turn into??
plainjane314 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Sorry to hear this but he doesn't sound like a good bf. Seeing is believing and if you are dating exclusively his shenanigans are inappropriate. Flirting and messaging and seeking out hangouts with other women is not "polite". Consider pulling back and reflecting on whether you want to deal with the lies and nonsense and frustration. I'd like to believe there is room for change. Maybe that's just me being naive but this is my first serious relationship and Ive always had a tendency to want to see the good in a person. Im unsure how to go about expressing how I feel and what I expect the right way. I just want to know why he thinks what hes doing is right.
JaggerJim Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Yes but does he know he's in a relationship? You can see that he is not acting like it. There is nothing you can do, except leave him. He is actively chasing woman left and right.
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Sadly if you had more experience you would see he's a turd compared to decent guys and not hope to fix or change him. End it and start dating other guys so you know what good guys act like. He doesn't care whether it's right or wrong, it's fun and he doesn't respect you. like to believe there is room for change. Maybe that's just me being naive but this is my first serious relationship.
plainjane314 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Sadly if you had more experience you would see he's a turd compared to decent guys and not hope to fix or change him. End it start dating other guys so you know what a good guys acts like. He doesn't care whether it's right or wrong, it's fun and he doesn't respect you. I thought he was a good guy. He certainly was in the beginning and somehow I feel like now that he has me it's all changed.
RainyCoast Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 he's texting 2 women for hookups? is one of them the adult entertainer he sleeps with everytime he breaks up with someone because "he's not the type to stay with someone physically whom he doesn't connect to emotionally"?
JaggerJim Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Sadly if you had more experience you would see he's a turd compared to decent guys and not hope to fix or change him. End it start dating other guys so you know what a good guys acts like. He doesn't care whether it's right or wrong, it's fun and he doesn't respect you. ] Agree. He thinks he's hot stuff, but I don't think he is.
plainjane314 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 he's texting 2 women for hookups? is one of them the adult entertainer he sleeps with everytime he breaks up with someone because "he's not the type to stay with someone physically whom he doesn't connect to emotionally"? Yeah thats the girl. He told me that he ran into her two separate occasions in instances where it was like he was arriving somewhere with his friends and she was leaving hence the messages of it having been good to see each other
RainyCoast Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 and he wanted to meet her at her place why? and the other girl he has already been exchanging "i miss yous" with on fb and tellung her he'd see her soon. he's just arranging hookups because he's polite. get tested for stds and kick him...in the ballz.
plainjane314 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 he's texting 2 women for hookups? is one of them the adult entertainer he sleeps with everytime he breaks up with someone because "he's not the type to stay with someone physically whom he doesn't connect to emotionally"? The second girl is a younger sister of a college girl friend that he's really close to. I dont think it's as insidious as my post made it sound as before that they were catching up about each others jobs and the fact that she just recently moved. Both the girl he was talking to and the sister he went to college with and is friends with are from his hometown.
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Got to love that explanation, right?. It sounds like he's playing you. Don't let that happen.he's just arranging hookups because he's polite.
plainjane314 Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 and he wanted to meet her at her place why? and the other girl he has already been exchanging "i miss yous" with on fb and tellung her he'd see her soon. he's just arranging hookups because he's polite. get tested for stds and kick him...in the ballz. Well actually I live in a US territory and my bf is from the states? So its not like he could just drive there if he wanted. Itd be several plane trips and oceans to cross to see the other girl. But it just made me feel like he doesnt see this going anywhere after his term here where he's stationed is up.
Wiseman2 Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Agree, he's a player and when he heads out he'll line up other girls. But it just made me feel like he doesnt see this going anywhere after his term here where he's stationed is up.
SherrySher Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I'm sorry OP, but as much as you want this man to be someone special in your life, you're trying to turn a lump of coal into a piece of gold and it's not going to happen. He is being more than disrespectful to you by messaging other women and making plans to meet them. He's not taking you seriously and is acting like a player. You are constantly going to be looking over your shoulder as what he's doing or who he's texting or messaging now. I don't think you enjoy being a private investigator, it sounds like pure misery and he's not going to stop. The best thing you can do for yourself and for your heart is to walk away.
ParisPaulette Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 I've been right where you are. I'm sorry, I'm only going to tell you to toss his stuff out the door and tell him to be sure and the let the door hit him, hard, in the backside on his way out. Or you can just hang around until you actually catch him full in the act of cheating on you, which you pretty much already did. Bottom line, sooner or later hopefully your self-respect and sense of "If this is love, I don't want it," will override your hope that if you try and believe him hard enough he wont' really have been cheating on you. Self-deception, it's mankind's greatest flaw. It was my greatest flaw for a long time, please don't let it be yours.
Sarah Hummer Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I'd just give up on him. If he's thinking about other girls and not you then he's bound to have a PA and will try to behind your back.
Sarah Hummer Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 I thought he was a good guy. He certainly was in the beginning and somehow I feel like now that he has me it's all changed. They are always good in the beginning, then you see the real person they are in time. He's pretending to be the person he is not. There are better guys. I know ppl have said that to me too, but I guess time will tell
Wiseman2 Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 What is a PA?he's bound to have a PA and will try to behind your back.
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