Went to get closure from ex..now see that the person I knew is gone

[missyb33]

I decided to meet up with my first love.The guy who was all wrong for me but had every piece of my heart.I wanted to see him to get the fantasy of him out of my mind so I can move forward with my bf.I hadn't seen him in 5 years.My god.It is like he is an empty dark shell of the guy I was so close to.Part of me is happy I did not get butterflies or have him flirt..part of me feels like I need to rescue him from himself..and all of me misses who he was and what we had.He does drugs and drinks a lot now.He deep down is amazing.Its hard for me to see him like this.He wants to be friends.I feel like I need him in my life..but have no clue why.My bf is very understanding and realizes this isnt about me wanting my ex back.I do not know what this is about.But I have felt down ever since I saw him.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately the idealized fantasy you build up over the 5 yrs didn't match reality. You can't fix or rescue him. That is not love it's a need to have a project and very disrespectful to your current bf.

 

Your current bf may say 'he understands' or "he's ok with it" but expect distance and trouble down the line if you pursue this unhealthy rescue mission.

 

Volunteer at an animal shelter if you have the urge to rescue and fix. He needs rehab a not an ex lover to come back and try to fix him.

I hadn't seen him in 5 years.My god.It is like he is an empty dark shell of the guy I was so close to...part of me feels like I need to rescue him from himself..and all of me misses who he was and what we had.He does drugs and drinks a lot now.I feel like I need him in my life

[Quidam]

That must be one of the weirdest thread I have seen in a while

 

+1 for what my boy wiseman said

[missyb33]

Weird in what way? That I still care about someone who was a huge part of my life even though he is messed up? I agree..he needs rehab..and not my place to help.However I think it is okay for me to be sad that he is such a mess.

[Dahl]

 

+1 for what my boy wiseman said

 

Sometimes I feel like I should just break down and make this my signature, Quidam.

 

OP, your opinions and perceptions aren't necessarily a problem. I think you've been sensitive and fair-minded in your approach to this.

 

I agree with Wiseman because I'm concerned that if you devote any more time, thought or energy to this, this chap's issues may negatively impact you and your current healthy and happy relationship with your partner.

 

Just be careful with all you've done to build your own life and invested in your future.

 

I wish you luck whatever you decide.

[J Miracle]

You feel like you need him in your life?

 

You have fantasies about him?

 

Any SO would be very concerned with this type of rhetoric. Have you mentioned these key issues to your current boyfriend?

[ParisPaulette]

Oh forget it. Wiseman said it all.

 

But this is where I'm going to speak up as someone who once worked in a field that had a lot of addicts and addiction in it. Have you not stopped to think about the people this guy associates with now? People who do drugs and drink, don't exactly hang out with people that are safe to be around. You clearly aren't thinking this all the way through about who you are exposing yourself and your boyfriend too.

 

That's all I'm going to say about it, but your naivety about this guy is off the charts. I have a feeling this is going to end very badly for both you and your boyfriend. Does he know this guy is an addict and alcoholic and you're having fantasies and "need" this guy in your life? Or did you just tell him you wanted to say hi to an old friend?

[missyb33]

I appreciate all advice..even harsh advice.I know ot makes no sense.I know he terrible to be around.I have a lot going for me in my life.He does not.I think it has to do with the fact that he is the only guy in my life who has ever rejected me.He has a power over me

I honestly am thinking of seeing a therapist.I love my boyfriend..and yes I tell him everything.He trusts me.He obviously doesnt like it but neither do I.It feels like an addiction on its own.I also don't mean fantasy as in sexual..I mean like..my ex and I being close..him telling me I am important to him..etc