long-distance breakup

[aniels]

my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half. he has been away at school since august and we have never had any problems. out of the blue, he called me and told me he no longer had feelings for me and we should break up. he also noted he's been thinking about this for a week or so but did not want to hurt me so he never mentioned it. as the dumpee, i am absolutely crushed. how can one go from being completely in love to just "no more feelings"? we see eachother about twice a month which is reasonable for being 4 hours away. he also insists he needs space and does not want to talk. we are seeing eachother in a week for a proper goodbye. do you think this could be a rubber band effect? that he will miss the love and emotional support and his feelings would return? i assume college is mentally demanding but he loved me so much. please help! i need advice

[Blackcactus199]

Hey, I literally went through the same thing 3 months ago. Mine was out of nowhere too. I really advice you to try the no contact after. Please whatever you do don't cry,beg or plea him to take you back. You will push him further. After your "last goodbye" do the no contact for a month. I know it's hard but it will help you and also it will make him miss you like crazy. My text me literally a week after breaking up and saying our final goodbyes and when I didn't reply he tried again in another 5 day but I'm weak af snd I replied and kinda ruined it so please be strong.

[melancholy123]

I question the sensibility of seeing each other in a week for a "proper goodbye." That's just asking for all sorts of pain and drama and maybe some crying and begging no matter how hard you try not to do that. I say start the no contact right now, there's no need to wait.

[aniels]

Hey, I literally went through the same thing 3 months ago. Mine was out of nowhere too. I really advice you to try the no contact after. Please whatever you do don't cry,beg or plea him to take you back. You will push him further. After your "last goodbye" do the no contact for a month. I know it's hard but it will help you and also it will make him miss you like crazy. My text me literally a week after breaking up and saying our final goodbyes and when I didn't reply he tried again in another 5 day but I'm weak af snd I replied and kinda ruined it so please be strong.

 

do you guys still talk/ thinking about getting back together? i wouldn't know what to do if that conversation was ever to be brought up (probably not but i can wish) Im also shook knowing he might not miss me but I feel how could you not miss that certain person?

[Blackcactus199]

We do talk. But we also fight a lot because he's very hot and cold which hurts my feelings. One days he's all over me and I think okay that's it we are getting back together the next he's all really cold and distant and gives a vibe like I'm bothering him by texting him or something. In the end within 2 months we had fought and deleted eachother 6 times. All resulting with him coming back and apologising and saying he doesn't wanna ruin our friendship just cos we didn't work out. So to be honest I don't know where I stand with him

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. He did the right thing if he wants to be free at college experience life there including not being tied down and dating others. At least he was forthcoming and didn't string you along.

 

When you see him let go graciously and tell him you look forward to your freedom and all your new adventures at college.

 

What do you mean rubber band effect?

he called me and told me he no longer had feelings for me and we should break up.he also insists he needs space and does not want to talk. we are seeing eachother in a week for a proper goodbye.

]

[aniels]

Sorry to hear this. He did the right thing if he wants to be free at college experience life there including not being tied down and dating others. At least he was forthcoming and didn't string you along.

 

When you see him let go graciously and tell him you look forward to your freedom and all your new adventures at college.

 

What do you mean rubber band effect?

]

 

i mean as in he will go so far without any communication with me, no love or emotional support and then eventually start to miss me and potentially come back

[MissCanuck]

I really strongly advise you against seeing each other for a "proper goodbye."

 

That's going to hurt you like hell when he gives you that last hug and kiss on the cheek and then turns and walks away. Don't do that to yourself.

 

Also, if you'd been fighting so much that you deleted each repeatedly, then you have to face the reality that your relationship was no longer working. That's not the rubber band effect. That's just incompatibility and unhappiness.

 

Let each other go so you can enjoy your respective freedom. And go No Contact, including on social media.

[LightWave93]

Not going to suggest for or against this meet-up. Honestly, that's your decision.

 

In regards to everything else; we can speculate for a long time but the fact remains that he no longer wishes to date you and has broken things off. Whether he thought about it for awhile, it was a snap decision etc is ultimately irrelevant as this is the path he has chosen to go down. Also, whilst it is possible that he may change his mind during time apart from time, I would not hold out hope for it. Most of us have been there, down that, searched the internet for answers and such like, but unfortunately you just have to let things take it's course.

 

Either don't go to this meetup or do, but afterward remain no contact. Sorry to hear this, and best of luck.