Ihaatemyself Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 I know that every woman who ever became the other woman has been through what I am going through and it makes me so mad that as an intelligent human being i have ended up in this situation. I have been in a relationship since I was 18 years old. We have had problems, and for some there is no excuse for cheating but I did. I gave in to an attraction that I thought would last an evening, a silly drunken mistake and here I am nearly 4 years later pretty much reliving that drunken night every day. Do i regret it? no I dont think that I do. To have never felt the way I do right now would be far easier than living my life right now but to have never felt what we had temporarily, i think would be worse. It will be 4 years since this man walked back in my life after leaving it as a friend and colleague. It was fine. It was never anything more than friendship until that night. That night, not only did I end up in his hotel room but I fell asleep next to him. I woke in a panic that I should be at home, my belly flipping that Id thrown away the last 9 years of life on a ridiculous 1 night stand. This man was due to start working with me again and I had slept with him and then abandoned him to get home to my husband. What was work going to be like on Monday? I didnt sleep for 2 days about this. He came back, we worked together, we didnt speak about it. Life resumed. It was probably 6 months before another chance encounter at a weekend had us gazing into each others eyes, i left the office that afternoon with my head in the clouds, we didnt talk about it until i had to be sure, his eyes said to me he was feeling the same way. I sent a text. I probably regret sending that text right now. I should have kept it professional but i had to know. What was he thinking that day? His thoughts matched mine and so we began our affair. Sneaky texts, an exciting flash, after hours sex, any contact we could continue we did, in the kitchen, downstairs. It was easy because we didnt cross any lines, no contact in the evening, it was pretty much sex with a naughty flirty fun not knowing what the other was up to the rest of the time kind of arrangement. The company was in trouble, how were we going to see each other if we couldnt work together? i got a new job, i misse dhim so much, i had to see him. A vacancy came up for his position, I asked if he was interested and he was. We were together again. This place was miserable, it was ruining us. He asked me to break free. I did so immediately. We were together just the two of us. Now it is just the two of us, we have built a company and now I am stuck. Things turned sour with my husband so i left. I was free. We gre closer and closer, nights away, mornings in my bed. For 12 months i lived in hope that he would leave his wife, we never discussed it, they have kids, i wouldnt expect it but I hoped. I grew jealous, he was spending his weekends with them, enjoying life and his weeks with me, i think the saying is having your cake and eating it. I grew even more jealous, he has never kept his relationship from me, quite the opposite in fact, he is married to a very successful woman from a family with money. I can offer him nothing financially and so I am quite clear about why he stays. She is the best thing for him, intelligence-wise, financially, she had his children, i understand all that but is there a chance he may love me? May have something and feel something with me that he never felt with her? Probably not but a used girl can dream cant she? We admitted to each other during this time that we loved one another, i still do. I am unsure he feels the same. I moved back in with my husband, partly because I wanted to make it work but mostly because i was sick of pining after my affair, listening on a Monday to all the wonderful things they did at the weekend and i realised i was letting my life go by in a miserable jealous haze because I love him and i cant have him. Work has become complicated and long. Deadlines have replaced the loving touches and regular sex. He used to stay awake late at night to talk to me, to be interested in how I was feeling, all that has stopped, he seems to go to bed early, it has become a chore to speak with me or to answer an email or text. It is always me contacting him first. I seem to have made rather a fool of myself. My marriage is in bits because I find it impossible to distance myself from the man I love, i find it impossible to box up the feelings of jealousy over his wife. to the point where my tummy hurts and I cant sleep at night. I lie awake imagining them in bed together. I have been so naive, ridiculous in fact. He lies to me all the time but i accept it. He tells me they never have sex. Hes a man for goodness sake. why did i ever believe that? I wanted to believe it but there is no way they never have sex is there? He tells me she makes advances that he rejects because he doesnt find her attractive and never has. he is attracted to her intelligence and money now I separate myself away from it all for a second. I am a fool. I am stuck relying on him for my income, i am stuck relying on him for my emotional support which i am obviously not getting as I am here posting this. I have been made a fool of. The worse part of being made a fool of is when you have done it to yourself. I am 31 years old in 20 days time, I should be relishing in all things marriage and babies but instead my life is on hold whilst I am in love with a man who not only has it all but doesnt really want any of it with me does he? Because if he really did, beneath it all we would be together wouldnt we? Not hiding behind the excuse of children. He said it himself, home isnt offensive or unlivable but its just thats its not as good as it could be. This is the first time i have written any of this down and it makes me extremely sad that I have let it happen.
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Affairs are build on lies and drama. i find it impossible to box up the feelings of jealousy over his wife. to the point where my tummy hurts and I cant sleep at night.
Lester Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 All rhetorical questions? What do you want from us? (Sorry if I missed the point!)
Ihaatemyself Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 The need to share I think. To know i am not the first and wont be the last. To also take some responsibility for the joke that is my life right now.
Ihaatemyself Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Yes and the worst part of it all is I can see the mistakes I am making but without packing up and moving to another country I dont know what to do.
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Divorce?...Why can't you stay in the country?without packing up and moving to another country I dont know what to do.
Ihaatemyself Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 I was being dramatic. To leave would be an easy way out of it all. This is my whole life we are talking about.
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 And affairs and cheating and scandals are loaded with that, right?I was being dramatic.
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Has the married man ever had an affair before? Did your husband take you back knowing you were with someone else before/during/after?
shellyf62 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Nothing good ever comes from lying & cheating. Dissolve the company, divorce your poor Husband, work on yourself to learn from past mistakes & move on.
Clio Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 What he is doing to you, you are doing to your husband and his family. He is selfish. You are selfish. Blaming him for not being able to have your cake and eat it too is calling the kettle black. There IS a way out. It starts with wanting for things to change and involves doing things DIFFERENTLY. Seeking therapy might help get you unstuck.
Ihaatemyself Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Oddly, he says he's never had an emotional affair. He says he's always needed more than marriage can bring but has never classed it as cheating because he's always paid for it. I am apparently the first where he has been honest about cheating with women he's paid for and since seeing me has stopped doing that. I'm not so stupid that I believe that. Writing this whole thing down has really put everything in a different light. How on earth I got here I have no idea but I have been a main character in the whole sordid thing. Everyone is right. No good ever comes from building something on a foundation of lies.
Ihaatemyself Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 Is there anyone out there where it has worked? They got past the pain and now live the life they thought they would?
Stella Sleepwalks Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 If he has used prostitutes in the past I'd say your main priority is your sexual health. Get yourself checked out.
Clio Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 He says he's always needed more than marriage he's always paid for it. Is there anyone out there where it has worked? They got past the pain and now live the life they thought they would? You have answered your own question. This guy has always needed more than marriage. He has cheated his whole life. Past behavior is indication of future behaviour. Expecting him to change for you is unrealistic. At best, you would end up succeeding his wife in being cheated on.
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 Sorry to say, but this is not a compliment: never classed it as cheating because he's always paid for it and since seeing me has stopped doing that.
Ihaatemyself Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 Yes. Writing it down makes it so real. Clearly it's just easier and more convenient not to pay.
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