problem with a coworker

[Almira23]

Hi everyone!

 

Today, I am seeking advice due to a problem that I have with a fellow coworker. Now, both of us work at a bank. She is 27 years old and I am 24 years old. I have been with the company for about 2 years and she has worked with us for roughly 4 months. We both hold the same position.

We barely know each other. I don't know anything about her, besides her name and that she has a child. I think all she knows about me is just my name. We have talked a couple of times, but the longest conversation that we had was talking about my new schedule that I will be working soon.

 

Now, that you know a bit of a background, here's the issue. She has some kind of a problem with me and I do not know why.

At work, I have quite a few men coming up to my desk, saying hello, asking me about my day, and engaging in conversation. Some men have expressed interest in me and I have rejected them due to not wanting to be involved with anyone at work.

Two men in particular have told me that when the girl found out that they were interested in me, she started saying some foul things about me, such as that I am ugly, that they can do better, that I am out of their league, etc.

 

Like I have mentioned, I know absolutely nothing about this woman and we have never held a proper conversation. How should I handle this situation? Should I tell her to stop? Bring it up to management? or pretend like it never happened?

 

Thanks!

[Wiseman2]

She sounds jealous. Is she single and on the hunt?

[Almira23]

She sounds jealous. Is she single and on the hunt?

 

No idea. I know nothing personal about her.

[JaggerJim]

She sounds like she feels threatened by you. Maybe she sits there wondering why no men pay her any attention the way they do to you. She's got a bad case of the old green eyed monster.

 

If I were you, I'd keep that information under my hat and just move forward and see what happens. Mangement are probably going to ask you if you have attempted to try to resolve this yourself, so just wait a bit longer and see what else she has to say.

 

Then lay it on her, and then make a complaint. If you don't work next to her, even better.

[Dahl]

What would you report, at this point?

 

It may not be the time to take what you perceived has happened to your supervisor, but I can't see how it would hurt to make thorough notes to yourself and keep a record of what you believe / are informed is happening.

 

If and when you feel compelled to seek intervention for her behavior, you'll have a log with dates/times/participants of what's been going on to help you convey your discomfort / objections to the right people.

 

Good luck.

[Clio]

I would keep a mental note of it but show no other acknowledgement. Otherwise one risks feeding office drama. I am surprised that these men told you all this. As for her, if indeed true, it sounds like she feels inferior/unhappy about herself and using you as an outlet. If you don't react, chances are that after a while, she will get bored and move on. It always takes two to sustain drama.

[DancingFool]

I'd be careful about buying into second hand gossip from people who already have ulterior motives toward you.

 

If you had overheard her carrying on like that personally, that would be different.

 

This is one of those where you do your job and keep far away from these kinds of games in the office. Let her burn herself if she is really doing this. If she starts undermining you professionally in some way, then you have something to report, but at the moment you have nothing really. Be very careful that you do not get drawn into some cat fight that others might be setting you up for.

[j.man]

I'm skeptical of 1) multiple grown men flaunting workplace love interests and 2) them both coming to you with subsequent gossip. I'm leaning toward either her never having said anything or, if she did, them having started it / facilitated it. Generally speaking, even the biggest dunce knows better not to **** talk senior co-workers in front of senior co-workers, particularly when they're very new. I conquer on letting her hang herself or tarnish her own reputation as a workplace gossip should she really be saying such things.

[catfeeder]

How should I handle this situation? Should I tell her to stop? Bring it up to management? or pretend like it never happened?

 

You got it right on the last one: pretend it never happened. For all you know, it didn't. Beware of the guys who are stirring the pot.

 

Don't bring gossip to management--it looks like you can't handle your own business. I'd develop a convenient case of amnesia and treat everyone as kindly as you would a stranger. This is business, so leave the personalities, the flirting, and the messy kid stuff out of it.

 

You don't need to know or care what anyone says, and next time someone tries to pass you something that someone else supposedly said, just look them in the eye and tell them, "I won't gossip to you, and I won't gossip about you, so there's no need to bring me gossip from anyone else."

 

You'll either outlast the girl, or your schedule change might prevent you from crossing her path as often, but either way, you'll need to learn how to let kids play in their own sandbox while you stay professional on the job. Smile and let it roll off you--you're not there for popularity.

 

Head high.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Two men in particular have told me that when the girl found out that they were interested in me, she started saying some foul things about me, such as that I am ugly, that they can do better, that I am out of their league, etc.

 

Red flag down! Two men who want you repeated that "they can do better" and "you're not in their league" .... really? Are you suddenly supposed to date them now, out of gratitude maybe, since they're obviously all that? Gah!

 

They are unprofessional at best. I'll leave it at that.

 

As for your coworker, has she treated you any differently? Ultimately, it makes no difference as far as how you should act in the office, but it's nice to know where the salvos are coming from.