How to get her back

[Merthur30]

I recently had a falling out with a good friend whom I just started to date. Things were going good until she started ignoring my texts and calls, which weren't many. Maybe just a casual text or call to see if she wanted to go out and do something that day. After about 4 days of texting or calling once or twice a day and getting no response, I knew something was wrong. One day, I texted her to ask if she wanted to go see a new movie that we both would want to see, and she said "I'm going to see that movie this Saturday with my friend Paul." I was admittingly a little upset that she already made plans with someone else but thought nothing of it. A few days later I asked her if she had her 4 year old daughter for the weekend and she said no. I excitedly asked if she wanted to go see a concert, and she said that she had already made plans to hang out with her friend Paul again. Red flag I thought. I then acting like it didn't bother me even though inside it really did ask if she was free ahead of time, before her supposed friend could make plans with her again. She said that she was busy the first day that she had off from work and has her daughter the next. I then texted that maybe me her and her daughter could go to breakfast or something and no response. Keep in mind that she and her daughter would come over to my house or we would go play at the park sometimes, so she does trust me around her little girl. So anyway, I let the matter alone for about 3 days and texted her that I understand that you are a busy working mom and when the next time she was free to let me know. A couple hours later, she texted back saying that "I didn't want to hurt you, but I'm seeing someone else right now." With the bomb dropped, I responded in a few angry texts. Nothing too bad but things like it hurts more that you waited to tell me and I would never date someone else while I was dating you. We were not boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but have kissed each other on the lips on more than one occassion and were getting there. I immediately thought of her friend and connected the dots that he was the other man she was seeing. I De-friended her from my Facebook for a few days before sending a friend request back that has for a day now gone unanswered by her. Now, I'm waiting for about 2 weeks with no contact to see if she reaches out. If not then I will reach out to her just to see if she wants to be friends again. We have been friends for almost 7 years and I don't want to lose her. I also want to know of a way to get her back relationship wise. If she is happy with the guy she is seeing or if he was just a fling. She already knows that I love her and care for her, yet she has yet to say it to me maybe because she isn't sure yet or only sees me as her good friend and not a boyfriend. How can I get her back as a friend much less find out if she has any romantic feelings for me?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Are you sure you were dating or just friends? It sounds like she's busy seeing this guy and always thought of you as a friend.

 

Go no contact and don't play friend/unfriend games. Simply delete her from social media. it sounds like she strings you along in between relationships.

she said "I'm going to see that movies this weekend with my friend Paul. and she said that she had already made plans to hang out with her friend Paul again. she texted back saying that "I didn't want to hurt you, but I'm seeing someone else right now." We were not boyfriend and girlfriend yet. I also want to know of a way to get her back relationship wise.

[Mari]

I recently had a falling out with a good friend whom I just started to date. Things were going good until she started ignoring my texts and calls, which weren't many. Maybe just a casual text or call to see if she wanted to go out and do something that day. After about 4 days of texting or calling once or twice a day and getting no response, I knew something was wrong. One day, I texted her to ask if she wanted to go see a new movie that we both would want to see, and she said "I'm going to see that movie this Saturday with my friend Paul." I was admittingly a little upset that she already made plans with someone else but thought nothing of it. A few days later I asked her if she had her 4 year old daughter for the weekend and she said no. I excitedly asked if she wanted to go see a concert, and she said that she had already made plans to hang out with her friend Paul again. Red flag I thought. I then acting like it didn't bother me even though inside it really did ask if she was free ahead of time, before her supposed friend could make plans with her again. She said that she was busy the first day that she had off from work and has her daughter the next. I then texted that maybe me her and her daughter could go to breakfast or something and no response. Keep in mind that she and her daughter would come over to my house or we would go play at the park sometimes, so she does trust me around her little girl. So anyway, I let the matter alone for about 3 days and texted her that I understand that you are a busy working mom and when the next time she was free to let me know. A couple hours later, she texted back saying that "I didn't want to hurt you, but I'm seeing someone else right now." With the bomb dropped, I responded in a few angry texts. Nothing too bad but things like it hurts more that you waited to tell me and I would never date someone else while I was dating you. We were not boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but have kissed each other on the lips on more than one occassion and were getting there. I immediately thought of her friend and connected the dots that he was the other man she was seeing. I De-friended her from my Facebook for a few days before sending a friend request back that has for a day now gone unanswered by her. Now, I'm waiting for about 2 weeks with no contact to see if she reaches out. If not then I will reach out to her just to see if she wants to be friends again. We have been friends for almost 7 years and I don't want to lose her. I also want to know of a way to get her back relationship wise. If she is happy with the guy she is seeing or if he was just a fling. She already knows that I love her and care for her, yet she has yet to say it to me maybe because she isn't sure yet or only sees me as her good friend and not a boyfriend. How can I get her back as a friend much less find out if she has any romantic feelings for me?

 

She's not interested. Just stop pursuing her and move on to someone new. She wanted the romantic side of the relationship to go away and it seems you're not ready to be a friend that has no romantic interest in her. Sorry you're going through this.

[MissCanuck]

She doesn't have romantic feelings for you, OP. That is unfortunately very clear.

 

What this means is that there is really nothing to go back to, from her point of view. Perhaps you could be friends again one day, but now isn't the time. You have feelings for her, but it's not mutual. It would be too messy and awkward.

[Milwaukeecasey]

Sounds like you never had her in the first place. What you MUST DO is leave her alone! Youre probably scaring her, she doesn't deserve that from you or anyone. That is why she had you in friendzone from the get go. I am sorry and don't mean to sound harsh, but you are almost stalking this poor girl! You keep asking her out and she doesn't want to go out with you. You either stop before the police show up or you get a beating from a guy that wants to protect his woman from someone that sounds like hes off the rails. You cant get her back "relationship wise" if she never thought of ever having one with you.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the only way I can be. LEAVE HER ALONE PERIOD!!!!! and focus on other things that matter to you more. If she wants you in her life down the road, she will be the one to say so, NOT YOU!

[Merthur30]

Sounds like you never had her in the first place. What you MUST DO is leave her alone! Youre probably scaring her, she doesn't deserve that from you or anyone. That is why she had you in friendzone from the get go. I am sorry and don't mean to sound harsh, but you are almost stalking this poor girl! You keep asking her out and she doesn't want to go out with you. You either stop before the police show up or you get a beating from a guy that wants to protect his woman from someone that sounds like hes off the rails. You cant get her back "relationship wise" if she never thought of ever having one with you.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the only way I can be. LEAVE HER ALONE PERIOD!!!!! and focus on other things that matter to you more. If she wants you in her life down the road, she will be the one to say so, NOT YOU!

 

I think I may have misunderstood my post a bit. I'm not stalking her and we were in fact dating before she started seeing someone else while were still dating. We have been friends for years and know each other well. I was never obsessive with texts and calls, but when days go by without a response I got worried that I had said something or done something wrong. We always got along as friends and maybe that is all we will be. But I do not want to cut her off completely, but give her enough time and space for us both to process and having a talk about about becoming friends again. And also I never meant to scare her, I will learn from this mistake.

[Milwaukeecasey]

I think I may have misunderstood my post a bit. I'm not stalking her and we were in fact dating before she started seeing someone else while were still dating. We have been friends for years and know each other well. I was never obsessive with texts and calls, but when days go by without a response I got worried that I had said something or done something wrong. We always got along as friends and maybe that is all we will be. But I do not want to cut her off completely, but give her enough time and space for us both to process and having a talk about about becoming friends again. And also I never meant to scare her, I will learn from this mistake.

 

 

 

Just take it easy and be careful, if you don't want her out of your life then give her space and only apologize when the time comes. But since you seem to want her in a romantic way and she does not, your best action is just to leave. You do that and you have a much better chance on having her in your life as possible friends if she does care about you. Keep your focus on becoming the kind of guy you want to become, not for her.......ONLY FOR YOU!

 

If she comes around later on and you are doing good without her she will only help you when she reaches out, but you cannot keep doing what you are doing, she doesn't want it and you have to swallow the rejection and go from there and take it. It sucks I know, but that's the only option you have at this point. If she cares about you, she will be back.......but give her the space she wants and she will reward you by coming back when she feels she misses you out of her life.

 

Good luck, and stay focused on yourself being happy first, once you are happy with being who you are you will only attract the people that want to be close to you.