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Women and oral


2600degrees

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My ex got irritated that I wouldn't give him oral. But I didn't because he always got off in sex and literally only made sure I got off *maybe* 15 times over a two year relationship.

 

If I gave him oral and he finished, then I ended up with nothing. So it was a bit quid pro quo - he never initiated for me, I stopped initiating for him.

To be clear...i make sure she orgasms pretty much every time we make love. First. Then its "get it over quick".

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Dude... when your partner is showing signs of feeling unsafe sexually with you your first question shouldn't be "What about my blow jobs!"

 

Have you tried talking to her? Have you asked about anyway you could make her feel safer?

 

It sounds like you two don't have the ability to have a adult conversation about sex. If you want your sex life to function differently then you need to both be willing and able to talk about it.

"Oral" is really not where i go when i try and talk to her about this. It was just one aspect of foreplay that i brought up. I think....based on some of these responses....where some women do stand on this.

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My ex got irritated that I wouldn't give him oral. But I didn't because he always got off in sex and literally only made sure I got off *maybe* 15 times over a two year relationship.

 

If I gave him oral and he finished, then I ended up with nothing. So it was a bit quid pro quo - he never initiated for me, I stopped initiating for him.

He was a

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I have no clue what's going on in your wife's mind.

I can only speak as a woman. It's often the things that are going on outside of the bedroom that affect what's going on inside.

You can't compartmentalize the two, though I think men tend to do so more than women.

 

I think you might be attacking a symptom of a larger issue and not dealing with issue and a therapist will view your sex life as a barometer of the health and stability of your marriage.

 

I hope counseling helps. Please go with the goal to improve your relationship overall for the both of you.

Don't just go to fix your sex life.

That's kinda going about it backwards.

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Perhaps try to suss out why she suddenly doesn't feel safe and comfortable with you.

 

Has she stopped feeling confident in herself or secure in her desires - or lack thereof?

 

Could she be projecting these insecurities onto you / your relationship?

 

Is she in therapy? Would she go with you?

 

Good luck.

We are going together later in March.

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I blame movies for making it seem that woman are all begging to unzip those jeans and go to town. It's really a load of fiction.

 

Some woman just don't want that thing near them, and some even think they are going to gag on it. It's all about the woman your with at the time.

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I blame movies for making it seem that woman are all begging to unzip those jeans and go to town. It's really a load of fiction.

 

Some woman just don't want that thing near them, and some even think they are going to gag on it. It's all about the woman your with at the time.

Agree. Sex in the media and porn is all fake anyway.

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We moved in together after dating for a year...mostly long distance. We married 2 years later. I make...very good money. She had to relocate from her family and friends to be together. I couldn't move because i needed to be close to my kids. When people have problems and ask for help...im good at...helping but not enabling. At least i don't think so.

 

I guessed it would be something like this. There are people who see and use sex as a commodity to be exchanged for other things like money, a comfortable lifestyle, etc.

It would be as foolish to not acknowledge that some people do have this mindset as it would be to assume everyone does.

 

It's why I personally think it's very risky to get into dynamics where one person is not carrying their own weight fully , financially and otherwise. By agreeing to 'help' her that way, you signalled that you are ok with power imbalances. That you don't expect her to be on the level as an equal.

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I guessed it would be something like this. There are people who see and use sex as a commodity to be exchanged for other things like money, a comfortable lifestyle, etc.

It would be as foolish to not acknowledge that some people do have this mindset as it would be to assume everyone does.

 

It's why I personally think it's very risky to get into dynamics where one person is not carrying their own weight fully , financially and otherwise. By agreeing to 'help' her that way, you signalled that you are ok with power imbalances. That you don't expect her to be on the level as an equal.

Good observation.

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Could women give me their opinions/tastes relating to giving men oral? Ive formed an opinion that generally, women dont really enjoy or want to do this for the man in their lives but do so as part of an exchange of power. I guess I'm asking if you actually like it.

 

Honestly, sometimes I enjoy it and other times I don't- Just the same as sometimes I want rough sex and other times I don't. Sometimes I'm excited to do it because I know he will like it and that turns me on. Other times (especially if I feel like its expected) I don't want to at all.

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I blame movies for making it seem that woman are all begging to unzip those jeans and go to town. It's really a load of fiction.

 

Some woman just don't want that thing near them, and some even think they are going to gag on it. It's all about the woman your with at the time.

I almost have to look away at certain parts of porn. . which is geared mostly for men. (but that's another thread altogether)

99% of them show an over the top display of smiling women doing down on their man like their life depended on it.

 

There's no way we can live up to that yet I can't help but wonder how much it influences a mans expectation.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?! . . it's just not real life.

 

and I don't look away because it's bad. . it's just very unrealistic.

I come back when the business gets realistic.

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