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Women and oral


2600degrees

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Have you tried communicating with her that you enjoy it?

- She has pretty much gotten into this pattern of asking me what I want in bed, then not agreeing to anything I want

- Foreplay has gotten longer, and longer and longer.... but even I can't keep an erection for 45 minutes to a hour w/o getting any real stimulation for myself.

- For the last 6 months, this foreplay has more often than not led to...her having an orgasm, then her telling me she's just too dry to have vaginal sex.

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I like it because of the power rush. But it's still something I do even if I get nothing in return, because I like making my partner feel good.

 

Are you having a problem with a partner not performing oral?

Shes just not super into doing really anything for me. Im a BIG giver and totally enjoy getting her going. Along with how her and her friend went off (a few months ago) about how much women hate giving oral. I don't think between old girlfriends, wives and other women friends ive met and talked with ive ever heard even one admit they enjoy or like doing things like this for their men. Its just an observation. It makes me start to think sex is fun for men and nothing more than a power play for women. Negative and unfair to generalize i know....

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Power...is not what I at least do it for. I think honestly it's a little weird to do it for that reason. I don't enjoy it; it makes me want to choke, is hard on my mouth and I can hardly breathe. Although, I do it for my partner, not myself because I know he likes it. I want to make him feel good and reciprocate that mutually. That's all.

 

Sex is fun for women, or else why do I have an unsatiable sex drive? Among many other women out there. Of course there are those that don't or only like to receive. That sounds like what you're experiencing or have experienced so far and are basing all your conclusions on that. You just gotta face the music; your partner is selfish in bed. My advice is to stop being a "giver". Don't reward with no effort in return of all of your efforts.

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Shes just not super into doing really anything for me. Im a BIG giver and totally enjoy getting her going. Along with how her and her friend went off (a few months ago) about how much women hate giving oral. I don't think between old girlfriends, wives and other women friends ive met and talked with ive ever heard even one admit they enjoy or like doing things like this for their men. Its just an observation. It makes me start to think sex is fun for men and nothing more than a power play for women. Negative and unfair to generalize i know....

 

It is definitely a thing for you to be mismatched sexually, you know. She sounds selfish in bed.

 

You really want to look for being with someone that loves making her partner feel good just like you do.

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Well....I love sex, and yes totally enjoy giving oral. The intense pleasure he is feeling actually turns me on.

 

However, he better be spiffy sparkling fresh and clean down there. If the last time you showered was in the morning and now it's night time, that won't do.

 

Ultimately, whether sex is enjoyable or not, depends on both people involved, how well matched you are in sexual preferences and how well you are able to communicate your likes and dislikes with each other. The last part being most critical. I know a lot of women are not comfortable addressing things in the bedroom and will suffer a horrible sex life in silence until they are completely put off sex and don't want to have it anymore. That's nothing to do with gender, that's actually a problem they've caused for themselves.

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It's not about power for me. I'm not into sex being a leveraging tool or power plays - that is a turn off for me. I do what I enjoy. Giving and receiving oral is enjoyable for me.

 

I wonder why it is you have chosen women who have this particular relationship to sexuality. Any ideas? Was it attractive to you in the beginning? Or is it something you don't vet out early on when the signs are there because of an expectation that's it's normal for women?

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It's not about power for me. I'm not into sex being a leveraging tool or power plays - that is a turn off for me. I do what I enjoy. Giving and receiving oral is enjoyable for me.

 

I wonder why it is you have chosen women who have this particular relationship to sexuality. Any ideas? Was it attractive to you in the beginning? Or is it something you don't vet out early on when the signs are there because of an expectation that's it's normal for women?

In both cases the sex life has started open and giving...and ultimately becomes one sided.

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I think it's all about who you are with. Some just don't do it. Others seem to really it. One said, woman should only do this if there married haha. As she was doing it. I laughed at that comment. I don't think anything should ever be off the table sexually.

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Isolating it to oral and not potentially an overall theme of her selfishly or unenthusiastically emulating a wooden plank in bed, man or woman, I don't think you need to justify not wanting to put your mouth on other people's genitals. And if your concern is an overall selfishness in bed, I'd be careful not to make it about oral specifically.

 

If she's not a fan of oral now, I can't imagine there was ever a time when she grabbed your penis and shoved it in her mouth with a purpose. If it's really important to you, it sounds like you've disregarded a huge sexual incompatibility not only staying with her to begin with, but marrying her.

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This is my 2nd marriage and im losing my faith in women and marriage. This should be another post.

 

I don't mean to put you down but twice already you've made generalizations of women. Women are not the issue. Your specific relationships are.

 

So, I suspect that you might need a stronger and longer vetting process before getting married to make sure you were really compatible.

 

Hopefully therapy eventually helps you.

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Shes just not super into doing really anything for me. Im a BIG giver and totally enjoy getting her going. Along with how her and her friend went off (a few months ago) about how much women hate giving oral. I don't think between old girlfriends, wives and other women friends ive met and talked with ive ever heard even one admit they enjoy or like doing things like this for their men. Its just an observation. It makes me start to think sex is fun for men and nothing more than a power play for women. Negative and unfair to generalize i know....

 

What is this "power play" crap?

 

I agree with Darcy! Stop with the generalizations!

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Isolating it to oral and not potentially an overall theme of her selfishly or unenthusiastically emulating a wooden plank in bed, man or woman, I don't think you need to justify not wanting to put your mouth on other people's genitals. And if your concern is an overall selfishness in bed, I'd be careful not to make it about oral specifically.

 

If she's not a fan of oral now, I can't imagine there was ever a time when she grabbed your penis and shoved it in her mouth with a purpose. If it's really important to you, it sounds like you've disregarded a huge sexual incompatibility not only staying with her to begin with, but marrying her.

Agree.."oral" is just an example of behavior that some might consider "giving". There are other things less banal that i would consider missing from our love making.

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I don't mean to put you down but twice already you've made generalizations of women. Women are not the issue. Your specific relationships are.

 

So, I suspect that you might need a stronger and longer vetting process before getting married to make sure you were really compatible.

 

Hopefully therapy eventually helps you.

....and i think I've admitted those generalizations are not fair. If we can't admit that sometimes these things introduce bias into our thinking...keep looking for perfection elsewhere...im not perfect.

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What is this "power play" crap?

 

I agree with Darcy! Stop with the generalizations!

And the piling on starts. Sometimes...folks...there are actually men out here who want a two way street in their relationships. It doesn't mean we are being selfish. "Oral" was an example. I can see where this is going....which is where i don't want the discussion to go. Thanks for the feedback.

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....and i think I've admitted those generalizations are not fair. If we can't admit that sometimes these things introduce bias into our thinking...keep looking for perfection elsewhere...im not perfect.

 

For your part, you could work on those generalizations. At some point, you would want to get past admitting them.

 

Both you and your wife have areas of improvement that therapy can assist with.

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What is this "power play" crap?

 

I agree with Darcy! Stop with the generalizations!

If you don't know what a sexual or relationship power play is...i cant help you. I will not "compete" for sex with my wife or tell her "i did this so i expect you to do that". She does that sometimes and its not cool. She was not always like this. Our compatibility has changed. Its just frustrating.

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