Quater-Life Crisis? I'm stuck...

[Beautiful-Love]

Hello ENA,

 

 

I've been thinking about posting this for awhile. But I've found it hard to even write this.

 

Lately, and I mean for the past several months (half a year at least) I've been feeling so down and stuck. No direction. No purpose. Not real motivation to do anything. I think it's only been recently that I feel like maybe I'm hitting some sort of a depression or down low that I just seem to be able to get back up. I'm 27. I was in school working on my Master's for 2.5 years, recently graduated in December. I haven't worked on my cover letter. Not taken my boards. Not really looking for a job. I just almost feel like I don't care about it all that much. People from my class have already passed their boards and starting their jobs. I'm here...just sitting here.

 

Then I broke up with ex of 7 years, who was also my best friend. It's been about 3 months. It took us a long time to finally break it off because we realized we actually want different things that the other can't really provide. We ended things on good terms. There are no regrets. We talked on and off for a bit...everything is platonic at this point. He's seeing someone and I'm happy for him. I'm still sad when I think about how we were friends and there for each other for 11 years and the thought that I lost a best friend is the saddest thing about it. He went back to England now, us both moving on with our lives.

 

Well...at least he is. I'm talking to someone who I've known for almost 2 years. We have this back and forth thing, which isn't really helping my situation, I guess. I find myself thinking about him all the time, but at this moment nothing is really moving forward. I'd like to think of him less actually since I feel like my head is just consumed with him. He makes me happy and also frustrated at times. He's going through his own things. I think we might just have bad timing.

 

But that's not the main issue. I just feel like somewhere along the line I lost track of things. I lost my priorities.My head is telling me one thing, and I'm doing another. I don't even feel like hanging out with anyone since I think I'm just a bad company all around at this point. I don't see myself doing anything. I actually scheduled my boards for 3/22 and I haven't really sat down to study. I haven't really talked to my parents either. Don't feel like I have much support from my family and I'd rather not talk about my life and lay out every disappointing thing in my life for others.

 

I don't see how I can work on myself. I'm low on energy. I signed up for a gym membership last week and paid 200 bucks extra for 4 weeks of personal trainer, hoping this will jumpstart me back on track. But again, I have ZERO faith in myself that I will be committed to working out regularly.

 

And it's not like I don't love myself. I just have zero motivation and from past experiences, I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure and the thought of this is stressing me out. Because I feel like I want more in life. I want to be better. I want strive and leap forward. But at the same time right now I'm the opposite and it's eating me up. It's like I'm having constant war with myself - I'm overwhelmed with everything in life and how I'm in static and maybe even stepping backwards.

 

 

I did take a 3 week vacation to see family in Asia a month ago. Came back and still not really feeling better. So I'm kind of not know what else will really help. I've never felt this way before.

[Andrina]

After ending such a long relationship, you really need to be single for a while. Concentrate on your career. Write down small daily goals and stick to them, as far as studying, etc. Reward yourself with something that makes you happy every time you reach one of your daily goals. For example, write down that you will write your cover letter, and when you complete that task, you'll ask a favorite friend to join you at a restaurant you've been wanting to try. When you've completed 3 days of studying, you'll buy yourself a great pair of earrings. Try to redirect your thoughts in more positive ways. Instead of: this is so daunting, Say: I've accomplished so much so far. Here I am at the home stretch. I'll feel good when I get 4 hours of studying under my belt.

 

Each little step you take will get you to where you want to be. Start right now and a weight will be lifted off of your chest. Take care.

[Wiseman2]

Go to a physician for a checkup and referral for therapy, if appropriate.

[mcnn4]

I know that feeling you're feeling. Although I'm a lot younger than you, I feel like we all have a crisis in our 20s regardless if it's the early 20s or late 20s. One of the things I find helpful when I'm going through something like that is to set small goals and reward yourself. Since you have lost yourself in a long-term sense, set short-term goals until you can fathom thinking more long term.

 

Also, after getting out of a 7 year relationship, I would suggest using the time to just work on yourself before jumping into another relationship with anyone else. Right now, it seems like you need to figure out what you're really looking for in life before you bring another person into your life.

 

Write down all the things you have accomplished in your life so far and see if you can go from there. Sometimes thoughts in our head is so much, we need to write it out and see it visually.

[DancingFool]

Sometimes it's not about motivation, it's about will power and simply sucking it up and getting through the tasks you need to do no matter how much you don't feel like doing them. You power through. The more you power through and get things done, the more you'll start feeling happy and like yourself again. The fact of the matter is that not doing your boards, not studying, not doing x, y, and z is actually eating at you subconsciously and causing you stress that is in turn bringing you down. Only way to stop that downward spiral is to actually make yourself do things that you don't feel like doing until you actually realize that you are back to your energetic self and enjoying life again.

 

Also, do get a physical check up. Make sure it's not something like some vitamin/mineral deficiency or imbalance, or some other something going on that needs fixing.

 

But honestly, you won't always feel motivated, you won't always feel like doing the stuff you ought to do, but you still do it. That's just part of adult life and why many people seek motivation outside of themselves - for their family, their children, their pets, etc. It just makes it easier to power through for the sake of......

[innergrowth]

I'm low on energy.

 

Try looking for ways to restore that inner energy you been lacking lately. Taking up some more commitments (like gym) when you already are lacking energy might not be the best choice, but perhaps see through it, for some it might help. Consider some alternative ways to get that energy of yours back. I can tell there are some rather unhealthy, depleting attitudes you are harboring within you...

 

P.s I think there are more than one issue here (besides the one i mentioned) but i think its the one that bothers you the most. You want to do things but you just don't have energy or motivation to do them.

[Beautiful-Love]

Gym has actually been helping me feeling accomplished, with the work out that my trainer planned out for me and swimming. I feel like I have a lot inside that I've been holding in and being able to kind of work those things out physically at the gym has been great. I still haven't studied, however. It feels like time is flying by and I'm missing out. I'm not driven enough.

 

Regarding relationship, I do want to work on myself. I don't exactly feel like my usual self, or at least who I was, and plus I think I'm kind of a bad company since I'm normally bummed out these days that I would probably make the other person bummed out as well. It's just hard...I'm not sure what it is, maybe it's a little bit of loneliness and something else. Maybe it's the idea, and not really him that I'm into. I can't 100% pinpoint it right now.

 

As for a physical check up. Last time I checked everything was fine. We had to do an annual check up and blood work for school. The only thing that I had a deficiency in was vitamin D, so I was prescribed that and I'm also taking Calcium + Vit D.

 

Try looking for ways to restore that inner energy you been lacking lately. Taking up some more commitments (like gym) when you already are lacking energy might not be the best choice, but perhaps see through it, for some it might help. Consider some alternative ways to get that energy of yours back. I can tell there are some rather unhealthy, depleting attitudes you are harboring within you...

 

P.s I think there are more than one issue here (besides the one i mentioned) but i think its the one that bothers you the most. You want to do things but you just don't have energy or motivation to do them.

Would you like to elaborate on this?

[junebug123]

Would you like to elaborate on this?

 

I am going to be extremely forward here. Dancing fool hit it right on the head when she mentioned that its not about motivation its about will power. I get it, you graduated and you feel like you need time off.

 

School sometimes feels like motivation because you are investing time and energy into something, and teaches will give you bad grades if you don't perform. I hit an extremely low point after I graduated taking a year off from programming and working full time in a field not related in my career. I was just burned out at the time and wanted to clear my head.

 

If you want to start feeling better, you need to start off by doing somethings that are going to allow you to feel happy. Happiness is the result of accomplishing things, and sometimes happiness can be measured based on our reality minus expectations.

 

By comparing yourself to the other students who have got jobs and finished their boards, your expectations have been set very high. How about with just being satisfied with setting a date to take your boards and feeling content with studying.

 

Take time to praise yourself each day for the small stuff and think about ten things you like about yourself everyday when you wake up, and everyday before you go to bed. I also, agree with the suggestion about therapy, sometimes when feeling depressed its hard to get yourself out on your own.

[Wiseman2]

Sign up for a board review, CME, etc. at a nearby university and meet some local colleagues. You can't hide under a rock, not work and live with your parents forever after a breakup.

[Lucha]

Lack of motivation, feeling less interested in the world,.. Sounds a lot like a (mild) depression to me.. you might want to consult a GP or therapist about this.

[NickMatiash]

 

But that's not the main issue. I just feel like somewhere along the line I lost track of things. I lost my priorities.My head is telling me one thing, and I'm doing another. I don't even feel like hanging out with anyone since I think I'm just a bad company all around at this point. I don't see myself doing anything. I actually scheduled my boards for 3/22 and I haven't really sat down to study. I haven't really talked to my parents either. Don't feel like I have much support from my family and I'd rather not talk about my life and lay out every disappointing thing in my life for others.

 

 

Hi Beautiful-Love,

I've experienced something similar. I'm 28 now, but a couple years back I felt this need for more in my life. I went down the rabbit hole of self-improvement and personal development and came out the other side better for the experience. It sounds like you're pushing away all things familiar to you-things that "you're supposed to enjoy". Which I get. When I hit my funk, I started rejecting the parts of my life that I attributed to my stagnancy. I got rid of some things, changed others, and now I've settled into a side business that I love, freelance writing and coaching people like myself that have found themselves stuck.

 

My point is that you don't have to run away from everything in your life to make some positive changes that will improve your outlook. Let me know if I can help you with anything specific!

 

-Nick