Do I stay friends with the girl who stole my best friend's boyfriend?

[MsCodeMonkey]

I've been friends with both girls for a number of years though T, the girl I'm questioning the friendship of, has been kind of a now and again casual friend at parties and sometimes road trips. We share several hobbies, and I enjoyed talking to her. She even stayed with me a couple weekends(lives in a different town) and that was fun. So ya I care about her, but we honestly don't know each other that deeply.

 

V on the other hand is one of the most important people in the world to me. She's had my back and been my support through a lot of changes in my life and hers. We hang out at least once a week(usually more). She and L have dated about 2 1/2 years and they did fight sometimes, but we hung out all the time doing double dates and tabletops and movie nights and etc. It wasn't a perfect relationship, but she thought they were happy.

 

So anyways V and I planned a karaoke guitar hero party for Saturday and T and several others were over. T and L have been spending a lot of time playing tabletops via Skype and texting about games which bothered V, but she was letting it go cause she didn't want to be the crazy jealous girlfriend. L took T and some others home and came home really late saying that he hadn't been happy for a long time and that he and T had kissed, and he was breaking up with her.

 

I find myself very upset. Not so much because he felt like breaking up. More that he did it at 2:30 am on a Sunday night and then disappeared to another town without figuring out their stuff(they live together). Also, the whole situation of leaving for another woman makes me think less of him. I guess I prefer people who break up and then find a relationship as a single person.

 

I find myself having severe doubts about T's integrity and loyalty as a friend. I don't know if I should keep her as a friend or not. I don't hate her, but I can't imagine what kind of mindset you get into where someone else's boyfriend is an option for you. A few bites both in and against her favor. In her favor: she was friends with L before he met V for several years and she introduced the two of them. Not in her favor: she'd been welcomed into v's home and life and still did something like this. Also, she left her boyfriend who has been financially supporting her.

 

Not holding her solely responsible, but I don't know how to feel about the relationship she and I have now. I'm also not sure about L, but I can't imagine staying friends with him. I love the boy, but this is a bad way to treat someone I love far more and that he was supposed to care about.

[Hollyj]

This is all about value systems, if you are not comfortable with her actions, then you should not be friends.

 

Honestly, I could not be friends with someone of such poor character, plus I wouldn't trust her. She did a really sh*tty thing to your friend!

[angrythoughts]

I wouldn't want to be friends with her. We'd be acquaintances and that's it. What she did was messed up and she could very well do the same thing to you. She's not a loyal person.

[SherrySher]

T does not have great integrity or much of a conscience. Not only that, but V is hurting and feels betrayed, T helped cause that. If V means the world to you,.. have her back like she would have yours and ditch the home wrecker. T knew what she was doing and that's just a crappy person.

[MsCodeMonkey]

Ya I don't normally take sides in conflicts between friends, but the way T and L did this wasn't right. I wanted to hear some outside opinions to make sure I wasn't judging her irrationally.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry she feels this way, but no one can 'steal' anyone's bf, he left willingly and she can't accept it.. Be cordial to both and if they have issues, let them resolve it.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

I agree that you can't steal someone else's boyfriend but she clearly had designs on him and has been very underhand. He didn't have to cheat before telling V he wasn't happy either. Talk about adding insult to injury - poor V!

 

Was it just a kiss or are they now in a relationship?

 

If it was me my priority would be V and giving her as much support as possible. It sounds like you are best friends. You can still be friends with L and T but you don't have to be best friends with them. Don't feel pressured to be the messenger or the peacekeeper.

it wouldn't be unreasonable of you if you wanted to just put your energy into your friendship with V and leave L and T to their own devices until the dust settles.

[MsCodeMonkey]

I agree that you can't steal someone else's boyfriend but she clearly had designs on him and has been very underhand. He didn't have to cheat before telling V he wasn't happy either. Talk about adding insult to injury - poor V!

 

Was it just a kiss or are they now in a relationship?

 

If it was me my priority would be V and giving her as much support as possible. It sounds like you are best friends. You can still be friends with L and T but you don't have to be best friends with them. Don't feel pressured to be the messenger or the peacekeeper.

it wouldn't be unreasonable of you if you wanted to just put your energy into your friendship with V and leave L and T to their own devices until the dust settles.

 

They are now in a relationship. I haven't talked to either one yet, but I'll be civil if they contact me. I agree with you that V is my priority. We're all kind of in limbo cause L and T have mostly gone radio silent with people close to V. V packed up his stuff and messaged him to ask about a few passwords. She was going to ask him about the other stuff but he never answered that message. According to the grapevine he's apparently stuck on his mom's couch with T cause T's boyfriend was like "I paid the rent. I keep the place(they rented from her grandmother and grandma agreed)". V has started looking for a roommate, but she doesn't know who's going to get what on some of the furniture and other stuff. Day 2 and we're listening to music and figuring out costs to give a roommate. Could be going worse!