jd619 Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 I met this guy online on Tinder about two weeks ago. He didn't seem like a player so I went out with him. He seemed like a gentleman to me, very nice and a little flirty. I met up with him for coffee and a walk for our first date. After we walked around and drank our coffee, he held my hand and sat me down at a park bench (it was night) and we talked a bit more. Then he went in for a kiss, and I did too, but he turned it into a full make-out session with touching. Which I was not expecting for a first date, but I was okay with it. I didn't mind it too much but it made me question his intentions. So I asked him straight out if he was just looking to hook up. He told me that he wasn't really into that and wanted to just "go with the flow". After that, we said our goodbyes and he didn't ask me when i was free again, but did send me a text telling me he had a great time. Two days later he sent me a text saying, "hey since we both had a great time that night, would you like to meet up to make out tonight?" Me being stupid, said yes, and of course the make-out turned into a little bit more, but we didn't have sex. The morning after I sent him a long text telling him I wasn't into that and that i was looking for something a little more serious. He said he respected that and was on the same page, and wanted to take me out again. He made some form of contact with me every day, being sweet and asking me how my day was and making small talk. On friday night he asked me to hang out and go to a movie on sunday. He never makes plans in advance; it's always a day or two and pretty last min. So we went out to a movie last night and he was very sweet, bought me a ticket and put his arm around me and cuddled during the movie. One thing I did notice though was on his phone- he had a lot of notifications from Tinder, like tons and tons of messages from other girls. When he saw that i noticed that he quickly shut off his screen and blushed. But I pretended I didn't see. Afterwords we got a quick bite to eat and he bought me dessert. We talked and had good conversation, he asked me about my family, school, what I like/dislike, etc. Trying to get to know me. We walked back to his car at the end and we made out again and then he dropped me off. Texted me he had a good time but didn't ask me out again. Usually, he will text me or make some form of contact with me everyday, just to make small talk or see how my day is but today I didn't hear anything from him. Since he is still on Tinder, my friend matched with him and she messaged him asking what he was looking for (to test him). He kept it very vague, but when she brought up hooking up, he went for it right away. If this guy is a player and is not genuine why is he taking me out on dates, and acting like he really wants to get to know me? or is it all an act?
Dahl Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 he went in for a kiss, and I did too, but he turned it into a full make-out session with touching. I asked him straight out if he was just looking to hook up. He told me that he wasn't really into that and wanted to just "go with the flow" he sent me a text saying, "hey since we both had a great time that night, would you like to meet up to make out tonight?" he had a lot of notifications from Tinder, like tons and tons of messages from other girls. we made out again he.. didn't ask me out again. when she brought up hooking up, he went for it right away. Sorry, but this seems pretty clear. Why is he telling you what you want to hear? Because then you make out with him, would be my guess. If you're looking for more than the occasional hook up, I'd recommend you keep looking. This guy sounds like a unhappy eNA post waiting to happen. Sorry, OP. Cheers.
Almira23 Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 He is doing what anyone does when they are single: exploring their options, talking to people, and dating. I think you are too focused on what his intentions are. Based on what you have told me, it really seems like he is going with the flow and so should you. Since he is obviously keeping his options open, you should too. Go on other dates and have fun. You are putting way too much effort into this arrangement if you have your friend messaging him and investigating what his intentions are. If you feel like he will only use you for sex then don't have sex with him. Don't wait around for his text and don't wait around for his call.
Jibralta Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 The morning after I sent him a long text telling him I wasn't into that and that i was looking for something a little more serious. He said he respected that and was on the same page, and wanted to take me out again. He should not have said that, as it is clearly not true. Actions speak louder than words. Yes, it was an act.
Tinydance Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 So how old are you and how old is this guy? I don't know if I'm just cynical and jaded from my own experiences but to me it seems that a lot of people are acting like this in this day and age and especially on online dating, people are always keeping their options open. I understand it must have been awkward when you're on a nice date and your date's phone gets blown up with Tinder but you literally just met this guy so he is not obliged to delete his Tinder just because he went on a couple of dates with you. At this point he does not actually owe you anything. In regards to looking for just sex and being a player, well I'm not so sure if he's definitely looking only for sex. I'm 32 and I've been doing online and other dating for like 14 years and I've found guys that only want sex to try to have sex straight away and then drop you like a hot potato if you don't want to have sex with them. The only reason I can think of that he may be taking you on dates is that you're "playing hard to get" by not giving out sex straight away so he sees you as a challenge to be conquered. The thing is though at this point he has not pressured you to actually have sex and he did take you on three dates so he may actually be looking for dating as well. I mean yeah he may have jumped at the idea of hooking up when your friend mentioned it to him on Tinder but that just means he could be up for hooking up as well as dating. I guess it's up to you if you want to date him a bit more to see what happens. Do you like this guy?
lostandhurt Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 So why are you on Tinder when nearly all guys on there are looking to hook up? Not all players go in for the kill right away. Some players will go on a few dates and lay the ground work for sex. It is called playing the long game. Next time don't make out to soon if you want more than just sex. There is no rush to be intimate so slow it down a little so you can decide how you feel about the guy and situation so you don't have to send one of those messages resetting things. Just because he got a lot of messages doesn't really mean anything since you are not a couple and haven't had the exclusive talk. You are free and he is free to date anyone anytime. Lost
angrythoughts Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 It didn't even seem like he acted like he was interested in getting to know you more. I wouldn't say he's a player per se... he's single. But to receive a bunch of tinder notifications on a date with you is a red flag. Don't continue on with this guy.
Tinydance Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 It didn't even seem like he acted like he was interested in getting to know you more. I wouldn't say he's a player per se... he's single. But to receive a bunch of tinder notifications on a date with you is a red flag. Don't continue on with this Why is it a red flag though if he's going on dates with her but he's also talking to people on Tinder? I actually don't like Tinder but I use it very occasionally and I get a lot of matches there. If I go on a date with someone like 2-3 times then I'm not going to just delete my Tinder or stop talking to anyone else. I would only delete Tinder if I'd been dating someone at least for a couple of months and we both agreed it was official. I think this guy has been tactless because when he asked her on the second date he said "let's meet up to make out" and on the movie date he had his phone data on. I think he should have switched data off or actually switched his phone off, especially since it was a movie date. I think even if you are dating more than one person then you shouldn't rub it in their face. But I think just by using Tinder that does not automatically make him a player. That's how dating works these days, especially online dating. People keep their options open until they meet someone they want to be exclusive with.
SherrySher Posted February 28, 2017 Posted February 28, 2017 Okay, he went for your friend and wanted a hook up even though he is dating you...enough said. Ditch the player.
electricorchid Posted March 3, 2017 Posted March 3, 2017 If its anything I learned from tinder it is that the majority of people on there are looking to have fun, whatever that may be. He made out with you but is keeping it to just making out because you asked him what his intentions were so he's holding it off till a few dates later: short answer; yes hunny he wants to sleep with you and seems like Hes super easy. I mean; pay attention to the red flag where he has tons on messages and literally txtd you for a "making out session...." I mean do whatever you please but just always be prepared to remember and remind yourself he could be treating another girl exactly how hes treating you while hes seeing you.
Wiseman2 Posted March 4, 2017 Posted March 4, 2017 Players seduce you, that's the fun of it. They don't just lunge for your zipper on the first date.
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